You're a Bitch, Jenny Craig.

Photo On Box:

Real Pizza:

I hate you, Jenny Craig.

Could I See a Muppet Eric Northman, Please?

Oh Sesame Street, you will never cease to entertain me, til the day I die.

ME WANT NOW!!!!!!

So the first Deathly Hallows trailer made me gasp and get chills all over. THIS one literally had me holding the sides of my computer screen with my face two inches away from the monitor. The mirror shard! DOBBY! The beach scene! Nagini the snake! The Lotsa Potters!

This trailer has turned me into Cookie Monster. ME WANT TO SEE NOW!

Don't worry if you have no idea what I'm talking about. I won't give it away. You should have been reading the books this whole time, but now isn't a time for me to judge you. It is time to welcome you into the fold...because if this movie doesn't get you to read the books, nothing will.

I Want to Take Your Place, JLo!

Lenny Kravitz, JLo (who is clearly sitting in my spot), Bradley Cooper, my girlfriend Christina Hendricks and NPH?! WHAT?!? According to the Daily Mail, this momentous event of awesome took place at the Tommy Hilfiger show over the weekend for Fashion Week. I won't lie, I'm a little jealous, even though I never liked Tommy Hilfiger. It's probably best I'm not there, because I have every confidence that I would make a total ass of myself. I'd be trying to hold Bradley Cooper's hand and making weird noises to attract NPH's attention... and possibly reaching behind that guy with his head turned to pet Lenny Kravitz's closely shaven head.

It's generally best if I'm not allowed in public.

Side note: what the hell, Bradley Cooper? We need to discuss how you're buttoning that jacket.

So far, Fashion Week has been mostly normal. Granted, I haven't taken a look through the Couture Collections yet... always rife for strangeness.

All photos from the Daily Mail.

Nice Ride.

Twin Lakes, Wisconsin- a tiny hamlet with excitement for all.

There is a flea market near Sissy and Big Bro's lake house that is truly an experience that shouldn't be missed. Not only is it your one stop shop for anything from a full set of BetaMax movies to terrifying clown dolls, but I have seen, on more than one occasion, a truly impressive set of truck balls (Not familiar? Why, you have hardly lived a full life. Check it out.) in the parking lot, and there's a lady that drives around in a golf cart selling to-go Fuzzy Navels and Bloody Mary's. You never want for entertainment and strange used things from other people's homes.

When Big Bro showed this picture he took at last weekend's flea market to me last night, I had to share immediately.


Cute kid, right? (Gladiator sandals! They're EVERYWHERE!) Let's pull back on the scene.

All together... awwwwwwww. And... hahaha! I mean, That little girl has gotta be just out of the stroller herself- in my imagination, they take turns pushing each other. Still- let's pull out on the whole scene, shall we?

I like to think that the look in Grandma #1's eyes here is a little jealousy upon seeing the set-up that Grandma #2 is rockin'.

Let's look at that sweet ride one more time.


I always used to envision myself as a silly old lady tooling around on a lollipop-colored scooter wearing a crazy big helmet like The Great Gazoo, but I think I have just gotten a glimpse at my future destiny.

The Digital Version of Having Fun In a Paper Bag.

An illustrated transcript of a text conversation between BFF and I:

Birv: Blech. Sometimes I just wish I had someone that followed me around and gave me manly, reassuring hugs. I need one today!

BFF: Me too! Who would you hire?

Birv: Good question! Definitely someone older... for some reason this brand of hug needs to have some manly experience behind it. I'd vote either Jon Hamm or Nathan Fillion. You?



BFF: I love Nathan. But I got to go with my heart on this and say Scooby Douche. Those arms would pop a baby like a balloon.

(Scooby Douche is the one on the right. He is on Ghost Hunters. I do not know his actual name. BFF, despite vowing to marry him someday, doesn't either.) CORRECTION: Scooby Douche is on Ghost Adventures...(Not having cable, and knowing there are 700,000 paranormal shows on those reality channels, I was forced to choose one...mainly because I am lazy and opening a separate web page to Google the real name would just be so. much. work.) Cat-fish has become even more awesome in my eyes with her knowledge of the stupid crap that I fill my days with- thank you for making me not feel like a total loser by knowing who I am talking about!

Birv: I bet he smells like Calvin Klein Obsession and Strawberry protein smoothie.

BFF: Yes! And hair salon.

Birv: New game! What do our favorite men smell like? Alexander Skarsgaard. Go.

BFF: Leather! And musk. NPH!

Birv: White tic tacs, fresh baked bread and magic. Joel McHale!

BFF: Mmmmmm! Oatmeal, Abercrombie Woods and whiskey. Obama!

Birv: New books, bonfire and Irish Spring Soap. Puck!


BFF: Suntan lotion, pot and dollar bills. Seth MacFarlane.


Birv: New Car, Colgate and the faintest hint of Acqua di Gio. Joseph Gordon Levitt!

BFF: Spearmint Gum, Cedar and honeysuckle. He has a touch of girly something.

Birv: Agreed. A little something sweet!

BFF: Rick Moranis.


Birv: Old Spice, Coffee and vintage comic book. Bill Murray.

BFF: YES! Especially the coffee! Cold cream, cigarette enhanced tweed and wood shavings. RPatz.

Birv: Stale cigarettes, well-used shoes and laundry that's been left in the washer too long. Zachary Levi!
For the record, this photo is proof that nerds are hot. PHWOAR!

BFF: Aftershave, vanilla and Endust for electronics. George Clooney!

Birv: Espresso, rosemary and shoe polish. Conan O'Brien.

BFF: Polyester, TUMS and mashed potatoes.



It may be important to note that this went on for three solid hours and 154 texts before we realized we should probably really focus on work.

Join the game!

Can You Get Too Old For Puppets?

Frankly, if it is a Muppet, no. No you can't. Which is why I am WAY TOO EXCITED about the fact that you can Muppet Yourself.

Create your own Muppet WhatNot here at the FAO Schwartz Muppet WhatNot Workshop... and while you're at it, pretty please with sugar on it, buy me one too!!