This App Is Already On My Phone.

What Rock Have I Been Living Under?

Why have I not found this website before?? Normally, a blog about handsome men would be something that would practically be beamed into my subconscious upon its first entry, and I would wake from a dead sleep to find it. Somehow, this one missed my radar.

Go visit Swoonworthy. It'll make your day. I swear.

I know I'm supposed to give you a storytime post, BFF, and I want you to know I'm working on it, but I had to share this. I know you understand.

PS: That's Andrew Lincoln. I love him, and The Walking Dead, the zombie apocalypse show in which he is currently starring. I really need to get cable.

The Digital Version of Having Fun In a Paper Bag.

An illustrated transcript of a text conversation between BFF and I:

Birv: Blech. Sometimes I just wish I had someone that followed me around and gave me manly, reassuring hugs. I need one today!

BFF: Me too! Who would you hire?

Birv: Good question! Definitely someone older... for some reason this brand of hug needs to have some manly experience behind it. I'd vote either Jon Hamm or Nathan Fillion. You?



BFF: I love Nathan. But I got to go with my heart on this and say Scooby Douche. Those arms would pop a baby like a balloon.

(Scooby Douche is the one on the right. He is on Ghost Hunters. I do not know his actual name. BFF, despite vowing to marry him someday, doesn't either.) CORRECTION: Scooby Douche is on Ghost Adventures...(Not having cable, and knowing there are 700,000 paranormal shows on those reality channels, I was forced to choose one...mainly because I am lazy and opening a separate web page to Google the real name would just be so. much. work.) Cat-fish has become even more awesome in my eyes with her knowledge of the stupid crap that I fill my days with- thank you for making me not feel like a total loser by knowing who I am talking about!

Birv: I bet he smells like Calvin Klein Obsession and Strawberry protein smoothie.

BFF: Yes! And hair salon.

Birv: New game! What do our favorite men smell like? Alexander Skarsgaard. Go.

BFF: Leather! And musk. NPH!

Birv: White tic tacs, fresh baked bread and magic. Joel McHale!

BFF: Mmmmmm! Oatmeal, Abercrombie Woods and whiskey. Obama!

Birv: New books, bonfire and Irish Spring Soap. Puck!


BFF: Suntan lotion, pot and dollar bills. Seth MacFarlane.


Birv: New Car, Colgate and the faintest hint of Acqua di Gio. Joseph Gordon Levitt!

BFF: Spearmint Gum, Cedar and honeysuckle. He has a touch of girly something.

Birv: Agreed. A little something sweet!

BFF: Rick Moranis.


Birv: Old Spice, Coffee and vintage comic book. Bill Murray.

BFF: YES! Especially the coffee! Cold cream, cigarette enhanced tweed and wood shavings. RPatz.

Birv: Stale cigarettes, well-used shoes and laundry that's been left in the washer too long. Zachary Levi!
For the record, this photo is proof that nerds are hot. PHWOAR!

BFF: Aftershave, vanilla and Endust for electronics. George Clooney!

Birv: Espresso, rosemary and shoe polish. Conan O'Brien.

BFF: Polyester, TUMS and mashed potatoes.



It may be important to note that this went on for three solid hours and 154 texts before we realized we should probably really focus on work.

Join the game!

Screw You, R-Pattz... I've Totally Moved On.

BFF's friend Dave has had this as his profile pic on The Downfall of Society for a few days, and I have been so dumbfounded by it that I am just getting around to posting about it now.

Hello Sailor!!!!

I love True Blood anyway... but this cover cemented it. Love you, Alexander Skarsgard. Wow. I also don't mind you talking about how you like to be naked. Puts thoughts in a gal's mind.

Just showing why this show totally trumps Twilight (and we all know how I feel about Twilight). Notice I mentioned the SHOW, but not the books. They aren't...good. But hey, when Alan Ball gets his mitts on something, it's bound to be good.

Look how awesomely snarky he is in his interview:

"The idea of celibate vampires is ridiculous. To me, vampires are sex. I don't get a vampire story about abstinence."

And on alienating a core vampire fan-base: "I'm 53. I don't care about high school students. I find them irritating and uninformed."

Well said, sir!!! I couldn't agree more. Now I'm going to go grab a bottle of wine, my snuggie and have some private time with my Season 2 dvd's.

In Case You Wondered Just How Lame I Am...

We all know that Birv loves her some tv. I'd like to think it was partly my job to watch it, having this blog and all. (It's not, but let me have my delusions, mmmkay?) Pointing out just how much of a loser I am, I actually wrote down my new fall tv schedule yesterday. What? I like to be organized!

Then I counted up all the hours of tv on it- a breathtaking 25... 29 if you count the shows I WANT to watch, but are on at the same time as other ones (Thursday nights! What am I going to do with you??). 29 hours...in one week. What has Tivo done to me???

The fact that I actually harbored some resentment to the networks for scheduling four shows at the 7pm CST hour on Thursdays should disgust me... but it doesn't. Just writing about it here makes me a little angry all over again. How do I choose? I know I could watch the shows I miss on the internet or wait for them on Netflix, but dammit, I want to watch them NOW! Anyone else having scheduling difficulties? Am I the only one that will admit to how much tv I actually watch?

This, dear friends, is why I do not upgrade my cable.

Zombie Yourself!

You know I love fun times on the interwebs. Kill time by making yourself into a zombie at Ugo.com. You can also SuperHero Yourself using their incredibly detailed HeroMachine.

Why Yes, That Is Jon Hamm and I.

Sharing a lovely drink, discussing how awesome my dress is, and that it is, in fact, possible to float by a bar stool. What's that? You'd like to join us? By all means. Mad Men Yourself here.

But Should I Wear Them to Opening Night?

Today's questionable product is actually a CRAFT more than a product, as they aren't for sale... Golden Snitch pasties (from the world of Harry Potter)!

Could anything be more appropriate for a midnight premiere? I THINK NOT!!

Check them out on Craftster, though sadly, inexplicably, there isn't a How-To on this HOW TO website.

I Know What Everyone's Getting For Christmas...

Attention to all those who recall the drunken rants of my birthday party... I have created the Merkin Shirt.

Buy it here on Zazzle... I ACTUALLY get a royalty for creating this awesome shirt every time someone buys one. Also- it looks better on the link.

Ooh La La!

Yeah, they're BOTH totally checking her out. Rock on with your bad self, Obama! Ps... anyone else think Sarkozy is the least French-sounding name ever?

ZOMG Could There Really Be a Renesmee On the Way?

According to Australia's New Weekly (because Australia has its thumb on the pulse of pop culture), Kristen Stewart got knocked up by Robert Pattinson.

An "insider" quoted by Australia's New Weekly says, "When [Stewart] worked out she was late, she obviously started to thinking that she could be pregnant. And because of the timing, she thinks Rob could be the father."
The gossip mag also reports she had a friend buy a home pregnancy test for her, and that she is "very nervous about the whole situation."

While there's a part of me that hopes they're getting it on like rabbits in a Sybaris... Australia is breaking this story? Really?

I love how they state that she thinks Rob could be the father... like she's the biggest slut to hit the streets since Jenna Jameson.

Now if you'll all excuse me, I'm late for my meeting with the Pope. He's marrying Bradley Cooper and I this weekend, after which Braddles and I will fly away on the wings of a pegasus to dine on raindrops and cotton candy at the top of a rainbow. Lots to plan! Kisses!


Via New York Daily News.

Check Out This Shirt!

Seriously... check out this shirt at Woot.