Do People Have Issues Opening Car Doors? (Besides Me?)

I have no idea the practical use of this, or why you would spend FORTY DOLLARS on it.

Random Story From Tuesday: In coming back from the Bros N Ho dinner (in which Birv goes to dinner with her two brothers), I paralell parked my car relatively near a young, short tree.

Since I had stopped by the grocery store on the way back, I had some items I needed to get from my passenger side. The tree's reach is longer than I thought, and I pretty much have to wrestle my way through low-hanging branches to get to the passenger door. Basically standing in the middle of this stupid tree, I open the car door, and move my head back. The tree, that I know is right there because I am standing in it, still somehow manages to startle me as I'm opening the door, and I jump and rapidly jerk my head forward... INTO THE CAR DOOR I'M OPENING.

With the amount of damage I do to myself on a daily basis, I thankfully no longer bruise easily, so there's no mark on my face, but I am slightly worried that my left side of my face still hurts.

I Want to Give You a Hug, Young One!

I'm not sure it's possible for me to love Glee anymore without exploding. Then I read this. Apparently, last week's diva-off was inspired by real events. According to New York Magazine, Chris Colfer, who plays Kurt (totally would have been my BFF in high school), would petition yearly to sing "Defying Gravity" in school:

"Every year in high school, we’d have this talent show, and every year I’d beg to sing “Defying Gravity” and every year they turned me down because I was a boy and they said it was a girl’s song; and every year I protested, saying that there are no lyrics that indicate gender specification whatsoever, but they’d still turn me down. And one day on set, Ryan Murphy told me he was coming up with a Kurt versus Rachel plotline, and for whatever reason, I started talking about this, and the next thing I know it was in the script. I think it’s a good story; the most terrifying thing was just actually getting to do “Defying Gravity” finally. I thought, Oh crap, I can’t mess this up!"

BOOM. (My head and my heart just exploded.)

This also made me realize how old I am. Colfer listened to Wicked religiously in high school (I love the idea that he may actually have an iPod Shuffle somewhere dedicated entirely to Wicked!), I saw the show well into my twenties. Sigh. Come here little one, I want to ruffle your adorable hair!

Let It Never Be Said That My Creepy Attention To Detail Is Ineffective

ZOMG my stalking ploy totally worked... I found Old Friend from my past job! She called me!! wooo!! So not only am I a successful stalker, but apparently some people are happy about it. Sadly, she said I should have done it the week before, because then I could have seen her this past weekend in The Full Monty, which actually did feature naked boys on stage. I won't lie, that would have been entertaining.

Playdates For the Socially Awkward

Perhaps it's my crippling social anxiety disorder, but it's becoming clear to me that making new friends after college is surprisingly difficult. It's like asking someone out, but with the added pressure of ensuring that these people don't think that you're in any way trying to actually ask them out. (Don't even get me started on the nebulous world of dating and intimacy. It should be clear to every single one of you that Birv has "special needs" in this area.)

I've recently met two women who I think are boss (yes, I'm totally bringing that word back), and yet I am finding it hard to naturally spark a friendship with either of them that goes beyond a work acquaintance, or being a "friend of a friend". The best way I have come up with to ask if they want to do something sometime is this:

"Do you like to do... stuff? Want to do stuff... with me?"

What's the deal? Why is that difficult? Jesus, all I want to do is go shopping or something, and yet I feel flustered and nervous at their potential response, the same way I felt when KT and I called up THE BOY in 8th grade and played Stairway to Heaven to him over the phone. (Thank god we did not grow up in the era of caller ID and cell phones.) Even to me, my apprehension and giddiness on trying to make a new friend is totally and completely lame. But there it is.

Does a friendship happen naturally? Think of your most recently formed friendship. Who asked who "out"? I know I can't remember... it's as if those friendships just always were there, just waiting to be plucked from the ether.

Perhaps as we get older, our lives become set. It can be trying, to say the least, to add something new into your routine, and adding another person into your social schedule just seems like a hassle. I know I feel like I can't be bothered most of the time. And yet... here I am, hoping that these ladies will find me cool enough to hang with. It's like being 13 all over again. JOY.

It Is Your Birthday.

The birthday punches are flying for Mr. Artiste, husband of loyal reader Mrs. Artiste. In honor of last night's manly festivities, I supply you with Old Timey Star Wars.

Happy Slappy Birthday, and I hope I didn't make an ass of myself at your party. whee!

PS- I need to come up with better blog names for you. suggestions?