You Stupid Tease!

What has two thumbs and is always super excited for new tv? THIS GIRL! I have to say, normally, summer tv makes me die a little inside, what with the inundation of ridiculous reality shows and repeats. That's right, when everyone else is taking advantage of the gorgeous weather, I am holed up grub-like in the dark, directly in front of my air conditioning unit, watching the tv.

This summer seemed to be filled with promise, with a new season of So You Think You Can Dance (I love me some dancing!) as well as a new show from Fox called Glee (from Nip/Tuck creator Ryan Murphy), about a bunch of misfits in the high school glee club (with the voices of angels! See below). Snarky commentary on the harsh reality of one's teenage years? Sign me up. High School Musical versions of Amy Winehouse? I already love it like a fat kid loves cake.

Color me excited- this is a new world of television! I may have found my Pushing Daisies replacement (Kristin Chenoweth is even a repeating guest star)!

Then, in reading Fox's fall lineup, it dawned on me that tomorrow's premiere of Glee is a teaser preview for the FALL SEASON! Dammit Fox! Way to get my hopes up 5 months in advance. My summer hopes are dashed. I'll have to... GASP... go outside and enjoy life. Yikes!

I must say, I'm also intrigued that the lineup shows So You Think You Can Dance as the lead-in show for Glee this fall... is this a super-long season, or are we having two seasons in a row?

Mmmmm... Pie...

I won't give a full review of last night's Pushing Daisies today, seeing as how BFF hasn't watched it yet, and I don't want to give anything away. Plus, she's probably the only one of my readers that actually watches the show. Philistines. (Just kidding!!! But it is a REALLY good show and you're totally missing out.) Suffice it to say, "Comfort Food" was probably one of my favorite episodes to date. Muffin Buffalo cameoed from Wonderfalls! Deep fried Colonel Likkin! Naughty jokes concerning finger likkin donut holes!

I am delighted about the "food = love" concept of Pushing Daisies. Food is often a substitute for sex between Chuck and Ned, but the theme of unrequited love and the need for, well, comfort food was back and stronger than ever in this episode as Olive and Ned compete for the Best In Belly prize at the Comfort Food Competition. This show has layers, people, like the delicate flaky crust of the PieMaker's speciality.

Anyway, enough gabbing about PD. On to mocking celebrities!!! It seems Pete from Fall Out Boy was destined to be a theme this week... first I give him a shout out regarding his name cameo on One Tree Hill (though JAX did point out that he did have a few appearances on the show), and now he's in the news dishing about the fact that his lady love Ashlee Simpson is a vapid whore that he'd have left in his tiny-man dust cloud if he hadn't knocked her up.


Details reports:

"And then there's the ultimate brand extension, the one guaranteed to propel Wentz into a whole new sphere of exposure: Bronx Mowgli Wentz, the son he and his wife, Ashlee Simpson, welcomed into the world on November 20. When Wentz found out Simpson was pregnant, he was in Chile with Fall Out Boy, preparing to play a show in nearby Antarctica. "I was like, 'Oh my God, this might be the worst possible time to have this conversation,'" he says. Perhaps to make sure the news had sunk in, Simpson promptly e-mailed a snapshot of the pregnancy test. (Us Weekly, eat your heart out). "I was definitely scared," Wentz says, "just thinking, This is something that's going to exist for the rest of your life and you can't f*%k it up."
Wentz allows that the pregnancy was unplanned. 'It was a happy accident,' he says. 'But I think that certain things happen for a reason in your life, and maybe it was time to put the wild child in a cage.'"

Then just yesterday, while riding downstairs in my elevator at work, I saw a quote from him regarding being on the red carpet with NoseJob McGee:

"It's like I'm like her purse."

Wow- that's love. Soul mates, indeed. Of course, he is a Wilmette-bred New Trier boy... this sort of resigned WASP acceptance of a loveless marriage "for the kids" fits his upbringing to a T.

My November to Remember

phew!! I am exhausted. This November has been the social season I never thought I'd have in my life. Two weddings, three plays and operas, getting stood up by Pseudograndma, Twilight/BFF extravaganza, Thanksgiving and two birthdays, all crammed into four little weeks. To top it all off, I am, yet again, sick as a dog and can't hear a bloody thing... stupid head cold. My neighbors probably hate me, because I am listening to my TV at top volume.

SPEAKING of which, yes, I did get cable this weekend. Is it hypocritical of me, after railing against it for so long, to be mildly disappointed that I didn't really get more channels? I was starting to become excited by the idea that I would have BBC America and Cartoon Network. However the only channels I seemed to have picked up with my new "cheap as it can get" cable package are MSNBC and TBS. I was more than a little disappointed to realize that I have a TV lineup that now includes cyclical showings of Tim Allen in The Santa Clause and Jungle 2 Jungle.

Oh well. I spent all of yesterday catching up on my Tivoed network shows from the last week, and it took most of the day, so I suppose that I have enough to go on. Plus, joy of joys... my new Tivo records two shows at the same time! Gossip Girl and Chuck, there is equality among you!

Only four more episodes of Pushing Daisies to be had, before I have a glaring hole in my heart where a Bryan Fuller show should be. After watching last week's episode, I've become really down-hearted and frustrated with ABC for pulling the show without giving it any promotional effort whatsoever. There hasn't been an ad for a Pushing Daisies show on ABC since the season premiered in October. I'm gobsmacked that ABC is so ready to give up on a show that garnered 12 Emmy nominations in it's abbreviated first season (especially to revive a dead, seven year old show from another network!), so forgive me while I jump on my soapbox.

It's a rare show that doesn't become formulaic and lazy, and Pushing Daisies continues to surprise me with each episode. While we usually know the "killah-killah" from the beginning of the episode, the writers of the show continue to delight me with how they manage to bump people off, and the slowly unfolding mystery of Ned and Chuck's fathers and their relationship with Dwight Dixon has me wondering. The show's simple, goofy, deliciously naughty moments delight me ("stakeouts are only fun if there are enough binoculars for everyone", the comment about Emerson Cod's tight balls... of yarn, Ned's complete oblivion to key parties), and the subtle jokes abound, and there are always a few that I find myself laughing about 10 minutes after they've aired-such as the brief(and entirely non-verbal) moment where the Pie Maker realizes just what the dead millionaire meant by "trophy room".

There's a part of me that doesn't want to finish watching the show, knowing that I will only be incredibly disappointed by an unsatisfactory ending to the several character arcs that have begun to bloom on the show. Naturally there's a much larger part of me that wants to smack that unloyal, nasty part of myself about the face, and I know that not only will I loyally finish out the season, I'll most likely be buying the DVD when it comes out.

Oh well. Screw originality on TV. When looking for something new to take Pushing Daisies place in my own personal TV lineup, I can only hope that we'll get a new procedural crime drama soon. I sure could use another one... I'm by no means satisfied with just CSI, CSI: Miami, CSI: New York, Law and Order, Law and Order: Special Victims Unit, Law and Order: Criminal Intent, Criminal Minds, NCIS, Without a Trace, Cold Case, The Mentalist, The Unit, Eleventh Hour, Life On Mars, Numbers, Bones, Fringe, My Own Worst Enemy.

Pushing Daisies is back on!!! Huzzah!

It's days like today that I wish I could be wrapped up in a cocoon made of sweatpant material with Daisy, a lot of chocolate and Cheetos, and every single Pushing Daisies episode ever recorded. I probably don't need to elucidate on why I feel that way.

Alas, while I may not have a cocoon made of sweatpants, I WAS able to snuggle Daisy and watch a new episode of Pushing Daisies last night. 'Oh, Oh, Oh It's Magic', indeed!!!! Continuing to make subtle nods to great movies, last night's episode was a shout out to The Prestige, though instead of death by water tank, we've got death by 'Cementia'. Last night's was a doozy, not only forcing the Pie Maker to accept that his brothers' neediness mirrors his own, but also shedding some light on the mysterious disappearance of their father in the first place. Could Dwight Dixon, the subtly menacing charmer filled with other people's secrets, be at fault? What does he know about the dads of Coeur de Coeurs?

Sidenote- do we know Ned's last name?

Favorite lines:

Dwight Dixon: "Snorts and giggles are the cinnamon and raisins in my oatmeal."

Emerson Cod: "Oh my. Where did I put that rat's ass I could give??"

There were a lot in there, and since I was busy putting a little bling on my newly minted Twilight shirt last night, I was sorely remiss in writing all of them down. SPEAKING of Twilight, tomorrow is tomorrow!! I can't wait. I can't wait to see BFF, I am embarrassingly pumped for the movie, I am ready to be a full-on 13 year old girl. You know my review will be coming.

Hollywood Hates Me

Pushing Daisies is most likely canceled while WifeSwap remains on the air, and this Harry Potter trailer came out, despite making me wait 8 months for its release. The Hollywood fates are so, so cruel.

Check out this trailer, though. Harry's the Chosen One! Millennium Bridge goes boom! Jim Broadbent looks more and more like Slughorn! Hermione may have learned to act!

ABC Has It In For Me.

I may actually have to start hating Scrubs, a show that I had previously enjoyed. Apparently, after airing the final season on NBC earlier this year, the show was rescued by ABC.

According to an allegedly leaked ABC mid-season schedule that was given to advertisers, Scrubs found a new home... IN THE SAME TIMESLOT AS MY BELOVED PUSHING DAISIES. Come on now... Scrubs had 7 years. J.D.'s commitment-phobia and blatant inability to function as a mature adult was understandable and relatable when he was fresh out of med school; at 34, it's sort of sad.

Supposedly, nothing is final, but with reports of my best friend Bryan Fuller thinking of returning to Heroes (which, admittedly would make that show more interesting again) and the sinking ratings of Pushing Daisies, I am really worried that the bell has tolled.

The leaked schedule can be seen on The Futon Critic here, which also shows the triumphant (?) return of According to Jim, scheduled for a full hour on Tuesdays. According to Jim? Really? More proof that TV and I have a truly abusive relationship. I hate TV so much sometimes, and yet I let it continue to hurt me.

TV Squad has an early review of the new episodes of the interloper here.

Is it just me...

Is Fergie's face like a giant smear? I have never been one to find her attractive, but her face is like a bleary mess to me, all the time, like she's somehow out of focus. Even when she's not dressed in clothes she stole from a twelve year old, she looks... off.

Anyway, she's reportedly gained 13 pounds for a movie role (she acts?), apparently all in the chestal region. SMG actually looks somewhat frightened by the enormity of Fergie's boobs.

Being a member of the giant knocker club, I feel I need to sit down with Fergalicious and her stylist, and give her a couple of the key rules.

Rule #1) spaghetti straps and DD's don't mix... your tits look like they're trying to escape. Long hair does not substitute for sleeves.
Rule #2) the empire waist style only makes you look like a balloon.

This Public Service Announcement is brought to you by the Cleavage Centers of America. "The More You Know..."

I'll be posting again later... I'm so in love with David Rakoff that I feel compelled to talk about his book, which I am currently reading. Feel free to read it if you want, but it's mostly me being self-indulgent and giving book reviews for a three year old book. Plus I need to talk about something to keep my mind off the fact that Pushing Daisies was pre-empted AGAIN, this time for the Country Music Awards. While I knew this was coming, it still disappoints me. I'm going through whimsy withdrawal... I hate looking at life without the multi-chromatic lenses of Bryan Fuller.

Also- Twilight Countdown... 10 days!!!! God knows why I find this stoner attractive. Yet I somehow I do.

Obama vs. the Steamed Dumplings

So I didn't watch the Obama infomercial. I figured, I'm already voting for the guy, so unless he's giving me a deal on acne cream, or a device to cook a comically large turkey leg, I don't really need to hear anymore.

In the battle between dead-horse campaigning and my favorite show's dying ratings, a choice had to be made.

So I watched Pushing Daisies. I'll be honest, this wasn't the best episode. The balance between procedural and romance was off this week, and the writing wasn't quite as sharp as usual. However, it still maintained enough moments for me to mark it as the most original thing on TV this week. Who can not love this show? Dim Sum poker. Stephen Root guest starring. Highly enjoyable. Plus, hooray for the return of Simone!

The most sigh-worthy moment of the night? Ned reconnecting, physically, with his half-brothers. The look on his face during the hug! *single tear*

Best lines of the night:

Narrator: This was the first time Emerson Cod had ever been ordered to...

Simone: Come.

Olive: Keep walking! I love gongs! Nothing wrong with that!

I also watched the second episode of Stylista, the CW's new Devil Wears Prada-esque reality show, in which the contestants compete for a chance to be an editor at Elle magazine. What a wonderfully bitchy group of people! I mean, reality shows are usually cast with your rank and file attention-whores, gay stereotypes, rich bitches and that one regular Joe, but this show takes it to a whole new level. The people on Stylista HATE each other, and make no bones about it. There's no polite "excuse me, but I think you're idea is crap" here. There are shouting matches, eye-rolling, head-shaking and mockery all over the place, and it's only the second week of the competition!

I could give a rip about the world of fashion editing, and the challenges that the teams are given each week. I like this show because the contestants are systematically attempting to destroy each other, which is all too appropriate for the industry these people are trying to break into. Of course, Life is moving into the same time slot next week, so I have some TV choices to make. What's a girl to do?

Damn the little petri dishes.

I hate being sick. Let me re-phrase that. I LOATHE being sick, with the burning intensity of 10,000 suns.

Feeling moderately oogie, in which one can still enjoy a peaceful day at home watching movies, is ok. Being huddled in the center of your couch wearing every sweatshirt you can find, under two blankets praying that the vicoden you scrounged up will take effect so that you can fall asleep and not have to think about swallowing because it hurts sucks big donkey balls.

Such was the past two days for me. Today, while I feel better, I still feel crappy, and I'd rather like being at home and sleeping. Not in the stars. One still needs to keep gainfully employed.

The alarming thing, mom, sis-in-law and I all had the same thing, at the same time. Since we were all at the same party on Sunday and got sick at the same time on Tuesday, I'm blaming the little petri dishes, aka the nieces. Particularly the one that wanted to blow her nose on my shirt, for some unknown reason. I'd like to think that she didn't, because I told her that was beyond gross, but who knows? She's six. I wouldn't put it past her.

Along with passing in and out of sleepy consciousness, I suffered a fairly devastating TV blow yesterday. I opened my digital TV converter box and read the instructions, only to find out that the stupid thing won't work with Tivo... the whole reason I got it, since I do in fact have a digital TV. *GASP!* I should have realized that when my dad gave me the Tivo it would have a limited term of use.

God love him, the man has never given me a gift of his own volition that was something that hasn't become obsolete and replaced in his own home... my first computer (Windows 3.1) and the enormous bag phone I recieved for my high school graduation, both of which he asked me to return at the end of summer (ironic, since the phone was supposed to be my safeguard for trips to and from school in St. Louis), the digital camera that takes no more than 6 pictures, and most recently the analog Tivo box that will go dark with the digital conversion in February. It's the thought that counts, I suppose. You have to smile at the effort.

Until February, I will use my Tivo with gratitude. It taped Pushing Daisies for me this Wednesday, which was appreciated, since I was finally passed out by that point. Good show this week... on the naughty side!! I appreciate more and more that while the show is sweet and unassuming, there is a subversive current to it that tempers what could too often be saccharine. It's what I love most about Bryan Fuller's shows. There's a lot of hope and positivity in his shows, tempered with a matter-of-fact view of death, pain and emotion. I think I love Olive's character the most, as main characters go. Perhaps it is the fact that I too have felt the pang of unrequited love so many times before (college was hell- Tyson, Steve, I have forgotten neither of you). I think it is more likely that I love her perpetually perky demeanor that covers that slightly snarky core.

Best lines of the week:

Emerson: "I'll be dental dammed."
Callista Cod: "With a girl like that you probably should be."

Chuck:"I thought you were supposed to be my king-sized duvet of comfort!"
Ned: "Selfishly, I would duvet you right here and now if I could".

I'm a political zeitgeist!

So my voter fatigue abated last night after Obama delivered a roundhouse kick to McCain's teeth.

I have to give sick props to Bob Schieffer... he dared to ask the question that I wanted to know- "would you say these nasty things to each other's faces?" Perhaps The Schieff is a Fonzipan subscriber?? (Or perhaps it's because his 100 years on Face the Nation have prepared him to stick political candidates to the wall... whatev.) KUDOS, Mr. Schieffer, you old cooter.

McCain was, in my eyes, an epic FAIL in last night's debate. He came across as a cranky, irritable old man with little tolerance and even fewer plans for his presidency. With the eye-rolling, his huffing, puffing old man noises, the constant interruptions, I half expected him to holler out at Obama to stay off his lawn.

I was also waiting for him to somehow bring Joe the Plumber into the Roe v. Wade debate topic. Maybe Joe the Plumber's teen daughter got knocked up and is choosing to keep the baby? Oh wait... that's his running mate. You know, when I think about it, I wonder if Joe the Plumber's last name is "Six-Pack".

As McCain wandered off-topic seven times (yes, I counted), he confirmed to me that McCain has ideas, and Obama has PLANS. The response where this was most notable was during the education discussion, as Obama laid out a clear plan about both charter school and a $4,000 college credit per year in exchange for volunteer service. McCain could only state that we "need to get loans out there", and point to existing programs, such as Troops to Teachers (great idea- a PTSD teacher and 30 screaming 8 year olds) and Teach for America. His discussion about private school vouchers made me ill... especially when he damaged his own strategy by pointing out that only 1,000 vouchers were given and 9,000 families applied for them in Washington D.C. So sure, it works great for those 1,000 people, but what about the 8,000 that didn't receive them, and the hundreds of thousands of families that weren't even eligible for the program?

As McCain ended with snide remarks ("even though there's not enough [vouchers], you want to abolish that plan. Even though it's working. I see."), I was amazed by Obama's patience. There were several times that, as Obama, I would have turned to McCain and shouted "Shut your stupid face, you pompous idiotic windbag!!" This further cements the idea that I could never be a politician.

But enough about the debates... it's on to PUSHING DAISIES BREAKDOWN!

No other show makes me give a fangirl SQUEEE like Pushing Daisies. I think last night's was probably one of my favorites. The names (Father Eduardo De Donde, Mother Mary Mary, Sister Christian)!!

The visual gags (Ned stuffing his face! Ned gazing at the truffle! Ned and Emerson carrying wall sconces instead of flashlights/candelabras)!!!

The foul-mouthed nun!

NUN PUNS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Back in black, Nun on the Run... oh too beautiful.

Favorite Lines:

Mother Mary Mary: "Sister Christian is nothing but a heavy-petting power ballad."

Emerson: "We are motoring..."

Olive:"CD's! Magazines! Top Shelf Fem Care! This stuff is all forbidden!"

Oh Hells Yeah.

Nastia Liukin is guest starring on Gossip Girl... and NOT as herself. Yes, I am CRAZY excited. I wonder what role they are going to put her in? I can only imagine that there will be some sort of gymnastics involved. Perhaps circus people... that Nastia is freakishy flexible. Now I need to figure out how to watch both Chuck and Gossip Girl, since they are on at the same time on Mondays.

Of course this may not be a problem for long, as network TV continues to conspire against my happiness. Chuck, Pushing Daisies, Life and Ghost Whisperer are all in danger of cancellation, thus severely marring my current Golden Age of TV. Pushing Daisies is, naturally the most disturbing to discover on this list since I make no secret about being completely in love with every aspect of this show. My calm demeanor is merely a front, I am dying a little inside. Plus, to be honest, I'm not completely surprised: god forbid something intelligent remain on TV for more than 15 episodes.

I'm feeling a little better today.

I still want to run other drivers off the road, but I have stopped having fantasies of hitting pedestrians with my car... mostly my co-workers. There are a few exceptions, but not many today. Maybe it's the lack of fat in my diet that's making me cranky... maybe it's the fact that my hair, while starting to settle down, still looks like a wig. One more day like this and you can shave my head, call me Britney and name me the Mayor of Crazytown.

So. TEEEEVEEEEEE. Pushing Daisies last night was in delightful form. Mime vans! Walking carnival prizes! Clown car jokes! Pigbee, the truffle finding pig! Best line of the night: "Do you know how the mind works? You say 'monkey in a bell-hop suit driving a car', I think monkey in a bell-hop suit driving a car!" I am so excited for next week- mainly because Chuck is going undercover in a convent using the name Sister Christian. EEEEEE!


I think that my favorite character is fast becoming the coroner, much like Kiffany was one of my favorites in Dead Like Me. While George and Ned both are the odd man out in the center of a crazy world, Kiffany and the coroner fill the role of the ultimate straight man. Nothing affects them, and their lack of reaction is a constant source of entertainment for me.


By the way, what the hell happened to Bittersweets Taffy Emporium? Does anyone else feel like there are some loose ends from last season? Paul Reuben's Oscar Vibenius was on the trail of Chuck's secret, and Molly Shannon's Dilly Baldwin murdered her brother's killer, dumped him in a lake and went back to having no fear and selling that best of bittersweet trifles- saltwater taffy. Is that over? Are they coming back?

BUT WAIT- we're not done with TV delights! I swear, Wednesday is the best TV night ever- if they moved The Office to Wednesday, my head would explode. Biggest Loser was on! I'm going to say it...I don't care about these people as much as I have in the past. I think it's because they aren't showing the work that they are doing to lose weight- Biggest Loser's sole function seems to be product placement; "let's all go to Subway, where you have a whole menu of healthy choices!" "Did you know you could get these subs for $5??" "It's nice to know that I can still be healthy AND quick and convenient." If they start scripting these people anymore, I'm going to think they're wearing fat suits.


The other problem I'm struggling with is that these people are disappointed when they lose 5 pounds in a week, and the trainers border on punitive. I understand that it's a competition, but that's crazy! The show seemed a lot more supportive in past seasons. Plus, I am tired of these people blubbering. Yes, it's emotional, yes, it sucks to be separated from your newly-wed husband, but Heba was driving me NUTS with the sobbing last night. Maybe they should just turn off the mics when the people are hugging... I'm not much for overt displays of emotion.

Yes, I DO have a black hole where my heart should be. Why do you ask?