I am BORED TO TEARS and Don't Have Anything Blogworthy.

Even Craiglist is boring today. I did however, want to note the irony of this free item.

Harry Potter: Chamber of Secrets book + Original Movie Poster (Buffalo Grove)

Reply to: mailto:sale-983209776@craigslist.org?subject=Harry%20Potter:%20Chamber%20of%20Secrets%20book%20+%20Original%20Movie%20Poster%20(Buffalo%20Grove) [?]Date: 2009-01-06, 9:13PM CST

Have to promote reading, so here is a FREE harry potter book "and the Chamber of Secrets" by J.K. Rowling. I never read it, was more of a Lord of the Rings guy. Also have the actual original movie poster from the first book. Both are yours to pick up whenever, just email me with a time.
Location: Buffalo Grove
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interestsPostingID: 983209776

Australians Have a Far Better Sense of Humor Than Catholics

I would actually like to dedicate this to Big Brother, who had to take me to the store to stock up for my first ladytime.

You're a rock, bro.

PS-I know this is the second thing I stole from Geekologie in 24 hours, but come on. Can you blame me?

Screw Seeing-Eye Dogs. I Wanna Pony!!!!

Knowing that there are Guide Ponies to be had, seeing-eye dogs are totally lame. Look at that thing!!! That little pony, called Confetti, makes seeing-eye dogs look like the 8-track cassettes of the blind world.

Here's another minihorse- named Cuddles. CUDDLES!!! IT'S WEARING SHOES!!!

Here are just a few of the many reasons that Seeing Eye Dogs are an epic fail while tiny horses are made of awesome, according to the Guide Horse Foundation:
Long Lifespan - Miniature Horses can live to be more than 50 years old, with the average lifespan being 30-40 years. According to guide dog trainers, guide dogs have a useful life between 8-12 years.
Better acceptance - Many guide dog users report problems getting access to public places because their dog is perceived as a pet. Most people do not associate a horse as a pet, and Guide Horse users report that they are immediately recognized as a working service animal.
Focused Demeanor - Trained horses are very focused on their work and are not easily distracted. Horses are not addicted to human attention and normally do not get excited when petted or groomed.
Good Manners - Guide Horses are very clean and can be housebroken. Horses do not get fleas and only shed twice per year. Horses are not addicted to human affection and will stand quietly when on duty.

Dude, dogs are TOTALLY addicted to human attention. Losers. If I ever go blind, I am counting on YOU, BFF and Sis-in-law, to get me a guide horse... because I know both of you are as excited as I am about the horselets.

Info Site here, with lots more pictures of the cutest weeny horses you've ever seen.

BFF... the following cartoon is for you. You know why.

Proof That the Catholic Church Joined the Dark Side

Churchgoers have no flipping sense of humor, as evidenced by the looks the priests are giving this guy at about the 00:15 mark. On the other hand, I do... and find this hi-larious.

Thanks to Geekologie! Please be my friend!

Madonna Really Needs to Put It Away.

Apparently Louis Vuitton is trying to advertise to zombies, as they let Madonna show us the portal to the World of the Dead. *shudder* All I can say is that I wouldn't want to hold anything that's been this close to Madonna's gooch, so LV's new ad campaign is seriously backfiring.

Moving on. I am so close to giving up on you, Gossip Girl. You aren't proving your worth to me. Dan and Serena are back together, Chuck Bass didn't fall off the building, Jenny Humphrey is back in high school and completely eyeliner-free... WTF. The only thing that doesn't appear to be an epic fail is that I think Blair MAY have slept with Uncle Jack, which would be awesome. But knowing this stupid show, they'll get my heart all a-twitter in the previews and then show that Blair couldn't go through with it, because of her enabling love for Chuck. By the way- is it just me, or is his head permanently attached to his right shoulder? I'm thinking Ed Westwick couldn't deliver a line with his head straight to save his life.

Giving up on GG may be necessary though, as Monday at 7 pm has become a 4 car pile-up on the TV expressway: Gossip Girl, House, Chuck and my new fave Superstars of Dance are all on AT THE SAME TIME! Something needs to give.

Superstars of Dance, by the way, is hella awesome. Not only do we have a KGB joking Russian judge (who was, I kid you not, wearing a nestling dolls shirt last night) and a Chinese Shaolin master judge that speaks ZERO english, we have Michael Flatley as host, dubbed the "most popular dancer on the planet". I guess Mikhail Baryshnikov is on a mission to deep space. The best part of Flatley's presence on the show? His "they're always after me Lucky Charms" accent. Dude, you grew up eight miles away from where I am currently sitting. We all know your real accent is closer to "Da Bears" than Angela's Ashes, for all your experience in Riverdance.

The main flaw of the show is that the judges really have no chance to give an explanation of their scores, which frustrates me. I like to pretend like I can actually dance, and feel like I can learn from the judges' constructive comments. As though I am going to be able to incorporate them into my performance in my living room. Additionally- the audience is a little too... homogenous to cheer on a multi-national dance show. And by homogenous, I mean "all white American people". Just saying- it's hard to believe the production assistants couldn't pull in a few Asian folks to cheer on China. The dancing is completely entertaining, however, and I can't begin to tell you how excited I am to see So You Think You Can Dance's Pasha, Anya and Robert Muraine, that crazy popper dude that quit last season in Vegas. If they get Twitch in there, my head might just explode.

People Are So Damn Nosy!

Honestly- if it isn't invasive comments about my physical being, it's presumptuous questions about my love life.

There's something about being a single woman that seems to enable people, with the same inability to respect boundaries that encourages comments about my weight to ask about my dating life. "How's your love life?" Non-existent, thanks for pointing that out. "Any new boys on your horizon?" Several, and all appear to be retreating hastily. Look- off they run! Whee!

This group of people seems to be limited to married people, particularly women. Is it a sense of maddening superiority that causes them to ask this question every time I see them? Honestly- it's been two days. Do you think someone's suddenly declared their undying love to me in line at Walgreens when I'm picking up acne cream and pads? Do you think I have a secret husband I keep locked in the closet?

Trust me, I'm not that private. If something was going on, you'd know. I'd twirl around singing "I'm in love I'm in love and I don't care who knows it!!"

"Stomp!*" is Stoopid.

As if I even needed another reason to love David Rakoff, author of Don't Get Too Comfortable. That's him what talks of the coalition of the willing. How does one tell a successful author that an anonymous blogger in another state (i.e. ME) wants to be his best friend?

Hope he does Google searches on himself. Then again, would I want to be friends with someone who Googled himself? What a conundrum.

PS- this has some NSFW language. Since I have a sneaking suspicion Sis-in-law and Also Beth may not know what NSFW means, that stands for Not Safe For Work. No judgment implied if you DID know what it means, I just know neither of you are quite the net-surfing geeks I am.