GAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!

I've totally gone off beef jerky.

Is Purim Jewish Halloween?

I am ONLY HOPING that Madonna was going as her daughter as a joke, and not some desperate attempt to show that at 50 she can fit into a 13 year old's clothes... as the Daily Mail points out that all the stuff she's wearing is actually Lourdes'.

But what else can she be? Overage Zombie Harajuku Girl from Hell? I thought that spot was taken by Gwen Stefani. BaaZING!

So I just looked Purim up on Wikipedia, and it turns out it IS Jewish Halloween. Who knew? Wikipedia knew, bitches! So that means that Jessica Alba did too! Suck on that!

Purim is celebrated on the 15th of the month, known as Shushan Purim. Purim is characterized by public recitation of the Book of Esther (keriat ha-megilla), giving mutual gifts of food and drink (mishloach manot), giving charity to the poor (mattanot la-evyonim), and a celebratory meal (se'udat Purim);[1] other customs include drinking wine, wearing of masks and costumes, and public celebration.

Madonna's Zombie Gooch Has Burned My Retinas.

Frankly, I'm just plain frightened now. (But not enough to keep me from posting a triple hat! Boo-Yeah!) Warning- the picture below is INCREDIBLY scary if you click on the high-res.

Thanks to The Superficial for keeping me awake at night.

Madonna Really Needs to Put It Away.

Apparently Louis Vuitton is trying to advertise to zombies, as they let Madonna show us the portal to the World of the Dead. *shudder* All I can say is that I wouldn't want to hold anything that's been this close to Madonna's gooch, so LV's new ad campaign is seriously backfiring.

Moving on. I am so close to giving up on you, Gossip Girl. You aren't proving your worth to me. Dan and Serena are back together, Chuck Bass didn't fall off the building, Jenny Humphrey is back in high school and completely eyeliner-free... WTF. The only thing that doesn't appear to be an epic fail is that I think Blair MAY have slept with Uncle Jack, which would be awesome. But knowing this stupid show, they'll get my heart all a-twitter in the previews and then show that Blair couldn't go through with it, because of her enabling love for Chuck. By the way- is it just me, or is his head permanently attached to his right shoulder? I'm thinking Ed Westwick couldn't deliver a line with his head straight to save his life.

Giving up on GG may be necessary though, as Monday at 7 pm has become a 4 car pile-up on the TV expressway: Gossip Girl, House, Chuck and my new fave Superstars of Dance are all on AT THE SAME TIME! Something needs to give.

Superstars of Dance, by the way, is hella awesome. Not only do we have a KGB joking Russian judge (who was, I kid you not, wearing a nestling dolls shirt last night) and a Chinese Shaolin master judge that speaks ZERO english, we have Michael Flatley as host, dubbed the "most popular dancer on the planet". I guess Mikhail Baryshnikov is on a mission to deep space. The best part of Flatley's presence on the show? His "they're always after me Lucky Charms" accent. Dude, you grew up eight miles away from where I am currently sitting. We all know your real accent is closer to "Da Bears" than Angela's Ashes, for all your experience in Riverdance.

The main flaw of the show is that the judges really have no chance to give an explanation of their scores, which frustrates me. I like to pretend like I can actually dance, and feel like I can learn from the judges' constructive comments. As though I am going to be able to incorporate them into my performance in my living room. Additionally- the audience is a little too... homogenous to cheer on a multi-national dance show. And by homogenous, I mean "all white American people". Just saying- it's hard to believe the production assistants couldn't pull in a few Asian folks to cheer on China. The dancing is completely entertaining, however, and I can't begin to tell you how excited I am to see So You Think You Can Dance's Pasha, Anya and Robert Muraine, that crazy popper dude that quit last season in Vegas. If they get Twitch in there, my head might just explode.