So much happens over the weekend...

And yet I am too lazy to update my blog at home. heh. Oh well. On to the wordy goodness.

Today's rant... if my f-ing uncle sends me one more "McCain and Palin are the salt of the earth" email, ESPECIALLY one that has any reference to Rush Limbaugh, I will pipe-bomb his car. Not really, since I don't know how to build a pipe bomb, and am a pacifist, but honestly. I have told him on more than one occasion that I do NOT want politically based emails being sent to me. Particularly pro-GOP emails. Hooray for McCain and Palin, they spotted and hugged a Down's Syndrome baby for a photo op. Good for you. Now tell me about the economy, bitches!!!

SPEAKING of politics... watched the debate on Friday. It was pretty inspiring. I particularly liked Obama's "Well I have a bracelet too." comeback. I didn't watch any of the post-debate breakdown, as I like to come to my own conclusions (Obama rocked it), but I did catch Brian Williams talking to some folks right after the debate... and I think that they are right- there is something that McCain personally dislikes about Obama. I felt that the first debate was pretty well matched (more so than I thought would be the case), but I feel that this was the strength that Obama had over McCain- he kept his mind and did not let McCain's "young whippersnapper" digs affect him, nor did he throw any "you're so old you ran against Jesus" snaps of his own.

While I'm still on the debate, is it just me, or does Jim Lehrer have the soul-less black eyes of the devil?
Last thing...I also want to talk about how much I looooove the Netflix. Not just because I have no cable and therefore my weekends would be completely boring without new movies, but because they're recommendations are so much fun. I always try and pick at least one of the "You may also like" movies when I put something on my queue (which is getting hard, since my queue is always at 500). It's like a little surprise each time. Wow... I lead a thrilling life.

ANYWAY...since I rented Pushing Daisies, this movie The Fall was recommended to me, because Lee Pace is in both.


Directed by Tarsem Singh, who also did The Cell, The Fall employs the same visual feastiness. However, whereas I thought The Cell was a self-important pile of dook (J-Lo as an actress never sits well with me), The Fall is simply gorgeous. The story is a fairy tale that Roy, a paralyzed stuntman in the 1920's is telling Alexandria, a 5 year old girl while they're both in the hospital, shown through the vivid imagination of the little girl. The fairy tale itself is beautiful: lush and exotic, but the relationship between Roy and Alexandria in the reality portions of the film are what ground this movie and make it beautiful and tragic.


This is probably one of those movies that only I adore (Fisher King... Joe vs. the Volcano, Toys), but I thought it was worth a shout out.

Fangirls in the house go "SQUEE!!!!!!"

It's fall, and we all know what that means, I am going to jam out with the clam out for the new shows on the five channels I get, since I have no cable. I like to think of myself as a "tv vegetarian". It's a personal choice. You have to be really committed to it. Right now I have like, 12 shows that I watch regularly- frankly, I don't know how anyone fits more in. Of course, most of my shows come from the CW, but who doesn't love unrealistic teen drama? Not this lady.

As for something that gets me a little more street cred- can we talk about the season premiere of The Office? AHHHHHHHHHHH! I totally heart Jim. Watched the premiere with my BFF via text message, and it made it all the more enjoyable.

"I say, I say... I SIT ON YOU!"

Sidenote- as I was driving in to work today, I saw a man playing the trumpet as he drove. May the strange carnival of my life never end.

Oh Gossip Girl.

We all like things that we aren't proud of...I have to say that Gossip Girl has been, until recently, one of these shows. Given recent plot lines, I will hail my love of this show with reckless abandon.


Blair has been dating Marcus, who was hiding his true identity as an English lord (though his English accent sounds like I do when I'm drunk). Blair's ex, Nate, has been sleeping with an older, married woman, who is turning him into a man-whore because his father is fleeing the law and his assets are all frozen.



Older Married Woman turned out to be Marcus' step-mother, the Duchess. Turns out Marcus and Older Married Woman are ALSO sleeping together. Sexalicious!!!


The best part about this crazy love rhombus? Gossip Girl is about high schoolers who just started their first day of their senior year this season. The fact that these are meant to be 16 year olds makes this show utterly entertaining.

Say it loud and say it proud- Gossip Girl rules!

ohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygod

Big brother and I are going to Game 1 of the NLDS. At Wrigley Field. I feel like I just won the damn lotto.

W

The biggest thing of note this weekend (aside from sis-in-law's return...glad you're home) is that the Cubs clinched the National League Central Division. WOOOOHOOOOO!!!!

FYI--The last time the Cubs clinched in back to back years was 1907 and 1908. I'm not saying... I'm just saying. (I am very excited).

This brings me to a new family rule... no photos of the family at the ballpark. I don't know what it is- overindulgence of the Bud Light, Big Brother's 70,000 pixel camera and bad angles, excitement to be at the game... for some reason, we all seem to end up looking like we're out on a day pass from the mentally challenged fat camp. BUBBLES!!!!!!

Now I know you were all totally hoping that the "special" pictures would be posted here. Hah. Those will never see the light of day, due to a blackmail-type truce. Just remember, Big Brother... I have the window to the world here.

To keep your blood bleeding Cubbie blue... below is a link to the new Eddie Vedder Cubs song... and I did get a little teary eyed!

http://www.mouthpiecesports.com/index.cfm?action=playVideo&mediaId=12964&popup=1&showDescr=0&chrome=true&t=1221785247490

Mountain Climbing

Oh how I love you, Guinness Book of World Records. You are a never ceasing source of entertainment for me.

I don't know why you have a pantomime horse race or a ginormo pen, but I sure do love the idea of placing the world's shortest man directly under the sweet spot of the world's leggiest woman.

Quotes from News.com in Australia: “I heard he was going to be the shortest man, but I didn’t realise he was going to be that small," Ms Pankratova told UK tabloid The Sun.“He seems very happy, he smiles and laughs a lot.”

Of course he's happy- he's sitting at base camp on the expedition to your babymaker!

Gwan wi yersels, ya cheeky bastards!!

http://news.aol.com/article/shortest-man-meets-leggiest-woman/176652

http://www.news.com.au/story/0,1043599,24359319-2,00.html

http://www.metro.co.uk/weird/article.html?in_article_id=57120&in_p%20age_id=2

Monsoon

Ahhh the weekend, so many things to talk about. Shall I discuss the monsoon that we had? All I have to say is that I'm pleased I live on the 3rd floor- I never have to worry about flooding.

Sadly, big brother does... and he had a 36 hour Shopvac marathon to address the flooding in his basement. All your work will not go to waste, big brother, I am planning on entering your feat into the Guinness Book of World Records. You can live knowing that you have made your mark on the world.

The upside of the flooding is that I got to take sis-in-law and BD to the airport, not only exhibiting my extensive knowledge of the back roads around O'Hare (all that smuggling is paying off (and not just with the large sums of cash I receive), I also got to drive their Acura... a far cry from the Vomit Comet (my 97 Elantra, I love you baby, never stop working). Turns out some cars brake really easily, so I looked like a 16 year old driving dad's car.

I could also discuss the musical I saw with pseudograndma, who, at 83 years old can't hear a thing, even though we sit in the fourth row. She gets a nap, I catch a good show. I saw Caroline, or Change, by Tony Kushner. Beautiful piece of work, although it is somewhat self-indulgent and about half an hour too long. I can sit still for DAYS, so it's not a good sign when I begin to fidget.

Perhaps the best thing I can do today is give some advice. Never, dear readers, suggest to your mother that it may be a good idea for her to see a therapist... no matter how good your intentions.

However, doing so does help end a phone call fairly quickly.

Drill Baby, Drill!

Not to overshadow the birthday of my dear sis-in-law, but I have come across the funniest thing I have seen this political season. Well, being the funniest thing is actually a pretty easy accomplishment right now, since mostly this political season makes me want to cry.

Now, you too can purchase your own Sarah Palin doll- available in White House ready, Schoolgirl (wholly distubing), and Superhero. Lipstick on a pig, indeed.

I'm thinking of buying one so I can videotape my pitbull tearing it to pieces while wearing a "PrObama" shirt. I think various animal rights groups would support me against this stupid, vicious, pandering hick hunter... don't you?

Dude, get your own!

http://www.herobuilders.com/08.htm

Happy Slappy Birthday!!

It is my dear sister-in-law's birthday, and in honor of her next career move, I have assembled a collection of mascots, including one from my own alma mater...the Gorlok. No, I don't know what it is, either.

While mascots frighten the hell out of me, she wants to be one for some reason. As a testament to how much I like the sis-in-law, I have decided to suck it up and face my fear. GMI... this is for you.

(By the way, I have totally stolen these pictures from all over the web. Don't sue me!)

look ma, I'm blogging!

So by popular demand (three people said they thought I was funny- more than enough for me), I have started a blog! I am actually excited by the notion that people care what I think. Frankly, I am even more excited about the fact that three whole people thought I was funny.

So my very first blog will discuss the name of said blog: Fonzipan. While I certainly adopt the way of the Fonz... the name comes from what is now known as The Great Cake Debate of 2008. I love rhymes!

The Great Cake Debate of 2008 (or TGCD08, if you ARE into the whole brevity thing) is a war between big brother and myself over what the name of the crap-tasting stuff that covers cake is... fondant or marzipan. (A word to the wise, never get drunk and pass a bakery on the way to see Mamma Mia.) I am totally right, and I am about to prove it.

Fondant:

noun
1.
a thick, creamy sugar paste, the basis of many candies.
2.
a candy made of this paste.

Marzipan:

noun
a confection made of almonds reduced to a paste with sugar and often molded into various forms, usually diminutive fruits and vegetables. (or SCARY diminuitive babies! ahh!)

OK- maybe they're kind of the same thing. Except when you google fondant, you get all sorts of pictures of hella cakes, and not scary edible babies.

On a final note, I totally want to say that I am freaked out about the end of the world. The Associated Press published an article today that (mad) scientists in Geneva, Switzerland have reproduced a "Big Bang" using a Large Hadron Collider. I read the article and didn't understand a whole lot of that science-y stuff, except that they took really big particles and made them go boom. Below, the quotes that have me currently typing this from under my desk:

"Champagne corks popped in labs as far away as Chicago, where contributing and competing scientists watched the proceedings by satellite.

'Well done, everybody,' said Robert Aymar, director-general of the European Organization for Nuclear Research, to cheers from the assembled scientists in the collider's control room at the Swiss-French border."

Well hoo-dee-doo, crazy scientists. We all won't be clapping for you when you explode the world. Have a great, sunshiney day, everyone!