Need Another Ribbon On The Back of Your Car?

It is my goal to one day cover my car entirely in empty causes. The Childhood Goat Trauma Foundation is surely one of them. An "informal support group for problems that were the result of traumatic experiences at petting zoos as children", the CGTF is doing some important work. (Yes, I know it's fake).

Petting zoos are scary!! Frankly... I've had more run-ins with camels than goats (due to the unfortunate camel toe incident at the Creation Museum), but frankly, that experience just showed me that all creatures are not God's creatures, no matter what the religious far right says.

On that subject... wouldn't you expect more religious people to be environmentalists?

Buy a t-shirt here. They're pretty funny.

Favorite Glee Moment: Dedicated to BFF and her Nasty Nati Crew

Why can't all football have this?

This Is How You Should Know the Obama "Single Moms" Grant Isn't Real

I'm just spitballing here... but I would think you'd want to show enterprising young moms with kids in the park, having a debtfree picnic on a sunny day, not baby's first exposure to crack rocks.

Best Line of the Night

Was really tough, actually. I did like "Josh Groban is an angel sent from heaven to deliver us platinum records!" Also- announcement, we have a convert... someone texted me last night that they are starting to enjoy the show. Your anonymity is safe with me, so long as you'd like me to keep it private. But I totally know you want all the songs I've downloaded so far (like 10).

RIP, Johnny.

Cancer sucks. I'll miss you, Patrick Swayze!!

Who Watched So You Think You Can Dance Last Night?

I did!!!! Even though it feels like it's only been about 12 hours since the last season, I'm excited all over again. Especially because it feels like the show is hinting that tap will finally break it's way onto the SYTYCD stage. Did anyone else catch the reference to Singin' In The Rain last night?

If you heard that one tapper reference "Moses Supposes" and aren't the musical geek that I am, the clip above is what he was talking about. I, for one, am excited... I love Mia Michaels, but I'm starting to get sick of all the chest-grabbing contemporary solos.

Best Line of the Night...

This, dear friends, is why I love this show.

It's Here! It's Here! It's Finally Here!!!

09/09/09.... which is exciting, but not as exciting as the premiere of new Glee episodes!!!!! I'm all aflutter.

I have all sorts of posts for Fonzipanners... more tonight, my lovelies!

Happy International Bacon Day!

Today is the day we salute the candy of meat, hot crispy DELICIOUS bacon. That's right, it is officially International Bacon Day today!

How will you celebrate? Cleaning your teeth and stanking your breath with Bacon Floss?

Perhaps reading some Bacon Haikus:

Samuel L. Jackson
Told us he don’t dig on swine
Career has flagged since.

How about becoming a member of the Royal Bacon Society?

Me, I'm tossing on a bacon bra and hitting the town. Stick that in your pan and fry it! No, seriously, I would rather have my bacon bra cooked.

See you at the Golden Nugget for breakfasty delights!

By Popular Request

Seriously- I'm so glad I can bring my television shame to all of you!! Premiere dates and networks are listed, please bear in mind I have no real cable. If you want to be cooler than me and add your own list, take a look at a Fall Schedule here.

What's so sad about this? This doesn't even include mid-season replacements (V! I know you're coming, with all your Alan Tudyk glory).

Highlighted are new shows I'm interested in, without Glee, since y'all know how I feel about it. Let's have a breakdown:

The Forgotten:

The Synopsis: "In the United States, the remains of 40,000 people haven't been identified. When police investigations reach a dead end, civilian volunteers across the country work to name -- the forgotten."

Why I Am Watching: Christian Slater. How do I love thee? The many ways a Heather died. After his last tv venture My Own Worst Enemy failed, I'm happy to see him get another chance. Who doesn't love Jack Nicholson lite?

The Good Wife:

The Synopsis: "THE GOOD WIFE is a drama starring Emmy Award winner Julianna Margulies as a wife and mother who must assume full responsibility for her family and re-enter the workforce after her husband's very public sex and political corruption scandal lands him in jail. Pushing aside the betrayal and crushing public humiliation caused by her husband Peter (Chris Noth), Alicia Florrick (Margulies) starts over by pursuing her original career as a defense attorney."

Why I'm Watching: Aside from the great cast, including Chris Noth and Josh Charles (Dead Poet's Society!!), I think that the time is ripe to explore what happens to a family in the aftermath of a political scandal: Bill Clinton, Eliot Spitzer, John Edwards, Mark Sanford... the list goes on. What happens to the woman that stands stoically at their side?

The Beautiful Life:

The Synopsis: "The life of a high-fashion model appears glamorous and sexy, but as every new model learns, behind the beautiful facade is a world of insecurity and cut-throat competition."

Why I'm Watching: This is guaranteed to be a shambolic delight of a show. All the juicy drama of a Gossip Girl, with eating disorders and crazytown Mischa Barton... I'm there!

Eastwick:

The Synopsis: "A mysterious man bestows unique powers to three women."

Why I'm Watching: Are you kidding? It's Witches of Eastwick. IN A SHOW.

Vampire Diaries:

The Synopsis: "Two vampire brothers - one good, one evil - are at war for Elena's soul in the small town of Mystic Falls, Virginia. Based on the series of books by L. J. Smith."

Why I'm Watching: Why wouldn't I watch the CW jump on the Vampire train? Apparently it's Twilight and True Blood lite all rolled into one. Plus, Boone from Lost! We'll see how long I watch this one, but I'm intrigued at least.

Flash Forward:

The Synopsis: "A mysterious global event causes everyone to black out simultaneously for two minutes and seventeen seconds, and each person sees a glimpse of their lives six months from now. When they wake up, everyone is left wondering if what they saw will actually happen."

Why I'm Watching: This is the show I'm actually most excited about beyond Glee. Aside from having Joseph Fiennes (le sigh), Jack Davenport and Dominic Monaghan (Lost!), the premise is a Lost-esque sci-mystery based on Robert J. Sawyer's novel (in the novel, the time jump is 20 years... which makes more sense in a book, I'm not sure I'd notice a difference in 6 months. I'd still be watching the same shows).

Community:

The Synopsis: "From Dan Harmon ("The Sarah Silverman Program") and Emmy Award-winning directors Joe and Anthony Russo ("Arrested Development") comes "Community," a smart comedy series about a band of misfits who attend Greendale Community College. At the center of the group is Jeff Winger (Joel McHale, "The Soup"), a fast-talkin' lawyer whose degree has been revoked. With some help from his fellow classmates, Winger forms a study group who eventually learn more about themselves than their course work."

Why I'm Watching: Joel McHale! Plain and simple.

Brothers:

The Synopsis: "Starring Michael Strahan (“FOX NFL Sunday”) and Daryl “Chill” Mitchell (“Ed,” “Veronica’s Closet”), BROTHERS is a new half-hour comedy about a former NFL hot shot who learns that even though you can always go home again, the trip back might be tougher than you think."

Why I'm Watching: Michael Strahan, meh. Let's talk about continually funny Daryl "Chill" Mitchell, whom I've loved since GalaxyQuest. Paralyzed from the waist down in a motorcycle accident in 2001, I'm excited to see him in his own, deserved, series. I'm not sure how long I'll watch, but I'm excited to see him in more than a one-off guest spot.

In Case You Wondered Just How Lame I Am...

We all know that Birv loves her some tv. I'd like to think it was partly my job to watch it, having this blog and all. (It's not, but let me have my delusions, mmmkay?) Pointing out just how much of a loser I am, I actually wrote down my new fall tv schedule yesterday. What? I like to be organized!

Then I counted up all the hours of tv on it- a breathtaking 25... 29 if you count the shows I WANT to watch, but are on at the same time as other ones (Thursday nights! What am I going to do with you??). 29 hours...in one week. What has Tivo done to me???

The fact that I actually harbored some resentment to the networks for scheduling four shows at the 7pm CST hour on Thursdays should disgust me... but it doesn't. Just writing about it here makes me a little angry all over again. How do I choose? I know I could watch the shows I miss on the internet or wait for them on Netflix, but dammit, I want to watch them NOW! Anyone else having scheduling difficulties? Am I the only one that will admit to how much tv I actually watch?

This, dear friends, is why I do not upgrade my cable.