I'm Not a Suicide Bomber, I Just Look Like One When I Exercise.

It looks suspicious, right? And plenty stupid. But check it- celebrities use them too! Matthew McConaughey wears one, and Valerie Bertinelli, my Jenny Craig friend uses one too.

In case I haven't said it enough on this blog, I hate to run with the fiery intensity of 10,000 suns. But once you've exercised for a while, it loses some effectiveness when your body gets used to it. This is not something, as a non-exerciser, that I have ever learned. So... what to do? Turns out the answer is to put the weight you've already lost back on, and exercise like it's 1999 pounds. It makes sense- the more weight you carry around, the harder your body works to maintain it.

So I found this military nightmare online... the whole time singing a happy "I'M BRILLIANT!" song to myself as I ordered a 20 pounder. They had a 10 pound version, but I'm not a sissy.


At least, I didn't think I was...until it came in the mail. Turns out that 20 pounds is kinda heavy... especially when you have to carry it up 3 flights of stairs. It's also really heavy when you're dancing to David Bowie around your house, as I learned that night (Single Girls Living Alone... unite!). This was not a surprise to Sissy, who responded to my shocked text: "Duh... it's a WEIGHTED VEST."

Well... this didn't deter me. The first day I wore it out to walk was this Saturday, which was about as hot as sitting on the sun. Let me tell you, people, 98 degree days and a weighted vest DO NOT MIX.

Remember how I threw up all over the Hott Yoga studio's bathroom (and then ran away like a sorority girl at her first mixer)? IT HAPPENED AGAIN!! This time I was on the street. Luckily I was under the underpass... a seemingly common occurence there, so mine will just blend in. I was always shocked at the people on The Biggest Loser that horked...how can they work them that hard? That's torture! Turns out it's pretty easy to puke while you're exercising when it's hot.

I have a whole new respect for the military and police officers... my major line of defense would just be to run after someone long enough to feel nauseous, and hope I was close enough to puke ON them.

I own the thing now (and cleaned it), so I'll be trying it again... I'll let you know how it goes.

Republicans Are Crazy Lying Liars.

I will fully admit, not all of them. But ad campaigns like Andy Martin's that I heard this morning on WGN make me wonder why anyone would ever want to associate themselves with such a hate-mongering, vile group of people.

Andy Martin, a perennial runner for...well...any political office (this time around the Senate race in Illinois), and the person that started 2008 rumors that Barack Obama was Muslim released a radio spot that had the following words:

"I helped expose many of Barack Obama's lies in 2008. Today, I am fighting for the facts about Mark Kirk. Illinois Republican leader Jack Roeser says there is a 'solid rumor that Kirk is a homosexual'. Roeser suggests that Kirk is part of a Republican Party homosexual club. Lake County Illinois Republican leader Ray True says Kirk has surrounded himself with homosexuals. Mark Kirk should tell Republican voters the truth." Text found on Huffington Post.

Shocked at both the vitriolic content of this message and the dumbass who SOLD AIR SPACE FOR THIS MESSAGE, I almost couldn't believe what I heard... until the announcer who was filling in for Greg Jarrett said something to the effect of "I am not allowed to comment on the political ads WGN runs, no matter how idiotic and vile they may be."

Well. Points to you, guy I can't remember. Bob Sirott, maybe?

In looking for information on this ridiculous political campaigning, I came across a newspiece on ChicagoBreakingNews.com that discusses how Andy Martin was not only "sanctioned in federal court for filing hundreds of lawsuits", but "found unfit to practice law by the Illinois Supreme Court".

I was ready this morning to boycott WGN and their Fox News-like support for the insanity of intolerance, but the article also gives WGN a small break by explaining that it is against federal communications law and FCC rules for political advertising to ban a particular ad.

I guess Freedom of Speech works for the crazytowns too, but jeez.

Why I Never Liked Dolls. (Those creepy eyes!)

Meet Bebe Gloton, the Spanish sensation that's sweeping the nation, according to the Daily Mail.

Anyone else totally have the creepers from this video? Even the little girl doesn't seem to be having much fun. The little apron with the petal nipples? *shudder* Again, I know it's natural, blah blah blah. But this is one toy I wouldn't want my kid pulling out at the Steak & Shake, you know?

This is the Worst Commercial in the World.

Guhhhhh I hate the sound of nail clippers. It seriously makes me sick to my stomach. Thus- I hate this commercial. That part where they cut 5 nails at the same time? *shudder* Also- they keep dumping out the nail clip reservoir. ON THE TABLE. Blecchhh... it's like they're TRYING to gross me out. Are nail clippers really that difficult to use? Well, I suppose if you're old.

Get your Sure Clips here. Be sure to tell them this commercial gives you nightmares.

UPDATE: I had to take the commercial off. It was grossing me out... and it was like my worst nightmare- since it would begin playing automatically! It was like I couldn't escape that grotesque sound.