TOTALLY TOLD YOU SO.

You didn't think I'd let this pass us by, did you? This is the poster for Joaquin Phoenix's new "documentary" about his "lost year". I'm using "a lot of quotes" to show how little I believe that this was done for anything but an "experiment" in the lives of two bored actors. You know how those creative types get. Your fakery surprises no one!

According to Just Jared, the movie is coming out September 10... though with Casey Affleck's totally random sexual harrassment charges, could this be delayed? Only time will tell.

Joaquin Phoenix: PCP and Being Heckled Just Don't Mix.

Feeling the sting of irrelevance since he hasn't been in the news for a few weeks, Joaquin Phoenix starting bringing crazy back at a show at the Fontainebleu Miami Beach Hotel last night, when he jumped in the crowd and confronted a dude he thought was/paid for heckling him, according to the Daily Mail:

"Several of those in the audience said they came just to see Phoenix, who kept them waiting for almost four hours.
A scruffy Phoenix finally came out on stage before 2am, smoking a cigarette and wearing a dishevelled dark suit, sneakers and taped-up sunglasses.Then he responded to someone who appeared to be heckling him in the audience near the stage.
'We have a (double-expletive) in the audience,' he said before jumping into the crowd.
It was not immediately clear whether the two men exchanged any blows.
'I saw the guy screaming at Joaquin, and Joaquin just came down,' said Jorge Lledo, 30, of Miami Beach.
He began rapping to a beat played by the DJ and nodding to the music, although most of the lyrics were unintelligible."

Who in the world came just to see Joaquin Phoenix? WHY WOULD YOU WAIT FOUR HOURS?? If you did, shame on you for being disappointed. Your idol is acting more and more like Dewey Cox every day... and if you are surprised and/or disillusioned by Grungy McShavesnomore up there, that's your own fault.

UPDATE: We have video, folks. Well, I think you do... after about :40 the footage appears to turn into a montage of some guy's front pocket.

Andy Kaufman You Are Not!

As Amy Winehouse is still off shooting up in a hotel room in St. Lucia and Britney Spears' dad is still crushing up her lithium and baking it into her food, Joaquin Phoenix remains insane for our entertainment purposes, and is promoting his new, "final" film, Two Lovers, co-starring Gwyneth Paltrow.

Phoenix appeared on The Tonight Show last night, and David Letterman seems clearly befuddled by Phoenix's homage to a weird mix of Bill Murray, Andy Kaufman and the guy who begs for change at the Irving Park exit of 90/94. I still don't get why people are laughing, but I suppose it's better than 10 minutes of a stony-faced audience. It's the same reason people laugh at funerals, I guess. I'm almost beginning to wonder if some of this absurdity stems from Phoenix just not wanting to promote this film...or wanting to, if you think that crazy press is good press. Just remember, JP, faking your own death is a crime, so think about that before you decide to end your "rapumentary" by overdosing on a mix of heroin and Thorazine.

Skip to about 8:29 to see Joaquin Phoenix start swearing at Paul Shaffer. Let this be a lesson: I would think twice about laughing at him... he may set the birds that live in his beard on you.

Pirate Lord Joaquin Phoenix Defends Career Change, Hopes to Drag Dermot Mulroney Down With the Ship

Blog bless the Captivate Network. You know...the tv's you find in your elevator. That little sucker tipped me off to a Phoenix Post update!! Good thing too, Amy Winehouse has been really quiet of late, despite having her home robbed. I'm hazarding a guess that she may be dead, but still walking around St. Lucia, Weekend At Bernie's style.

Munchbeard Phoenix recently spoke to a number of reporters regarding his career change to music, according to Rolling Stone. On being asked whether or not his bid for rap stardom was all just a weird ruse:

“I would say the people who said that this is all a hoax are clearly somebody
who is an old friend, or somebody that I worked with on music,” Phoenix
responded. “I’ve worked with a lot of people on music in the past, and often
times those things don’t work out. Sometimes you have some bad blood between
people, and that’s all that I imagine where it comes from.”

He is also hoping to create the new dance craze, classico-rap megafusion:

He also expressed an interest in getting actor Dermot Mulroney to guest on his
album (”He’s an amazing cellist”), which would officially be the weirdest cameo
in rap history. Phoenix thus far has 10 songs for his album, but admitted,
“Three of them I think are really good, including one called ‘Can I Get a
Refund?’ and one called ‘If You’re Going to San Francisco.’ The others I think
are pretty crap but I’ll work on them.”

I'm still calling shenanigans on his oddball behavior of late. As Rolling Stone also pointed out, this press conference was being filmed by Casey Affleck for the "rapumentary":

Keep in mind, though, that even Phoenix’s interview was filmed by two cameras,
including one that was being held by actor Casey Affleck, Phoenix’s
brother-in-law that is filming Joaquin’s pursuit of a rap career for a
documentary.

I'm not saying Grizzly Bill up there isn't crazy. I'm becoming increasingly convinced that one needs to be at least moderately chemically imbalanced to work in the film industry. *coughChristianBalecough* I just think that this entire thing smacks of artifice. Stay tuned. You know I'll be on top of it.

Not Quite Convincing Enough to Say I Told You So...

But it's pretty close. Joaquin Phoenix, shown above back when he had a face, reportedly told a nameless source that he's completely faking it for an artistic endeavour, according to Entertainment Weekly.

Either Phoenix is perpetrating an elaborate Andy Kaufman-style hoax (with an
assist from his friend and brother-in-law Casey Affleck, who's ostensibly
shooting a documentary about his career transition), or he's truly lost his
marbles. The truth, it seems, is closer to the former. "He said, 'It's a put-on.
I'm going to pretend to have a meltdown and change careers, and Casey is going
to film it,'" says one source who recently worked with Phoenix.
Though
Phoenix's interest in music is sincere (he earned Oscar and Grammy nominations
for his turn as Johnny Cash in Walk the Line and has directed several music
videos), with this supposed career reboot he is evidently trying to both lampoon
pompous actors and punk the media that covers them. Whatever his motivation or
ultimate endgame, don't expect him to break character anytime soon. "It's an art
project for him," says a source. "He's going full out. He probably has told his
reps that he's quit acting. Joaquin is very smart. This is very conscious. He
has a huge degree of control."

On one hand, I am loathe to believe a nameless source, on the other, I love to be proven right. I also tend to believe Entertainment Weekly's gossip.

I look forward to the moment he announces the movie, and all the cheering toadies in the rap recording will claim to have been totally in on it.

Joaquin Phoenix Is Totally Faking It.

We have a runner up to the Winehouse Watch- the Phoenix Post. Catchy, eh? I love me some alliteration!

I know Joaquin Phoenix's hobo rap is a few days old, but you know, I'll post when I darn well feel like it.

Personally, I think Phoenix's crazy heroin addict downward spiral is a ruse of some sort... he is being followed around by his brother-in-law Casey Affleck for a "documentary" during his "retirement", and I have to think that this is all leading up to something, especially considering he keeps showing up at publicity functions... AND THEY KEEP LETTING HIM IN. Plus, if you were is brother-in-law, wouldn't you stage an intervention, rather than recording his antics for posterity? I mean, Casey Affleck has kids with Phoenix's sister.

So my theory: either Joaquin Phoenix is completely faking it, or this guy will eventually explode in a flurry of beard hair and old shoes. Either way, Birv is on the case.

Drunken rapping and JP taking a header below. Fall occurs around 2:01. I love watching the sycophants cheering this dude's apparent insanity.

What the Hell Happened to Joaquin Phoenix?

P.Diddy looks TERRIFIED in this picture. Frankly I don't blame him, Joaquin Phoenix looks like he's a step away from carving a swastika between his eyebrows and screaming "I'M CHARLIE MANSON! I'M CHARLIE MANSON!" in his face.