Monday, November 28, 2011

We're Excellent Bartenders.

Left to our own devices, my co-worker Raf and I can come up with several hijinks.  Everything from Office Squash with a mini Nerf Football to doing Charlie Brown dances to the "Merry Christmas, Charlie Brown" soundtrack, Rafael is a master of entertaining me. Our latest?  Making new drinks. 

Behold the birth of the Smelly Irishman:

BIRV:  1oz Irish Whiskey, pint of Guinness and the sweat of a New York (Chicago is acceptable) Police officer, shaken in a wet fisherman's sweater. Pour, garnish with 3 lucky charms and the hair of an Irish Setter. Serve.

RAF: 1 oz. Irish Cream

1 Boiled potato
2 leprechaun farts
2 oz. Irish Whiskey
1 steamed cabbage leaf
4 oz. Guinness
1oz. McDonald’s Shamrock Shake
2 oz. corned beef
Blend or shake in a 16 oz. tumbler (this can only be done by a red haired Irishman to be considered a true “Smelly Irishman”) Lift glass…Scream out “O' be jaysus” while shaking your fist…chug and slam! You have now been graced with a Smelly Irishman! oh yeah, add a pinch of salt!

Friday, November 11, 2011

My Dog's Involvement in the Russian Mafia.

Daisy had a business trip to Volgograd, and she wanted to take a side trip. She met a Dancing Bear, Geoff, during her stint in the circus as a tightrope walker and part-time clown, and when Geoff was forced to retire after an ugly incident involving the trapeze artist, the bearded lady, and the cotton candy machine, he moved back to take care of his dead grandmother’s “roommate” (everyone Geoff knew always thought it was her lover, but no one would come clean on the issue) in small-town Russia. Sadly, Daisy got snowed in at Geoff’s dead granny’s lover’s house in Frolovo, and the truck in the front yard never worked. No one knows why they decided to keep it… only that there must be some sort of happy memory involved. In order to make it through the deep snow, Geoff gave Daisy his granny’s old hunting cap and a couple pairs of her boots; despite Maria’s protests. Geoff let Daisy know that the old girl was getting on in years and her memory was terrible anyway, so after a few hours, she wouldn’t miss them.
Geoff was able to contact a friend of a friend, Steven, who had a snowmobile, and was willing to take Daisy back to Volograd, so that she could make her 4 pm meeting. Daisy doesn’t really like to talk about that snowmobile ride, so I think something must’ve happened with Steven, but she won’t tell me what. All she’ll say is she made it in time, and not to worry about it.