Thursday, April 30, 2009


For some reason, I absolutely adore when little kids are involved in a group dance like this... it just brightens my day up.

My question, why can't America's Got Talent be as much fun as Britain's Got Talent? Perhaps the super-talented are all that manage to filter through to the States, so we miss the inevitable yokels that seem to flood the American stage; these titans of entertainment that desperately want to show the world they can break pencils with their ass and do "Dueling Banjos" by twitching their man-boobs.

At any rate, enjoy Dancing Thursday, and look for what leaves a little sunshine in your day!

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Deja Flu

"Dottie had a heart condition, and she DIED."

I don't deny Swine Flu is real, or that it poses a considerable threat. There are conspiracy theorists out there that believe this is a vaccination readiness beta test, or just a full-on hoax, the same people that believe the Y2K scare and Avian Flu were just media conspiracies to frighten the unsuspecting population.

However, the outbreak of viral news about Swine Flu is certainly spreading quicker than the actual virus, which got me thinking... it easier to create a fear of a pandemic because of rapid advancement in public media?

The video above is allegedly real, from all accounts, and from 1976, when an outbreak of Swine Flu caused a mass governmental vaccination, where the vaccination caused more death and medical issues than the actual flu outbreak (1 man died from the flu, 500 people were diagnosed with Guillain-Barre, ending in 25 deaths), according to NPR.

Is the fear of the flu spreading faster than the condition ever will? When news with questionable sources can be broadcast on the internet in seconds, what measures can be taken to urge caution?

Monday, April 27, 2009

Yoga Granny!

At 29, I can't manage to go 20 minutes in Hot Yoga without puking, but give this 83 year old lady a boom box and a sheet of cardboard and she could do some breaking.

I especially like that as any true gran, she is in fact wearing pantyhose. Always a lady, even in The Crow position. Caw!

Read more about her at Daily Mail.

Friday, April 24, 2009

This Is Not Your Father's Star Trek...

Except it IS, because my dad is just as stupidly excited about the new Star Trek movie as I am. Anyway... check out this lil' Romulan piece of sexy!! She agrees that Fonzipan is the best site she has ever read, but sadly, I couldn't get the widget to embed. So all you get to do is gaze at her loveliness.

Do it Star Trek style and Trek Yourself HERE.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

A Thursday Bereft of Dancing?!

Crazy, I know. I'm disappointed too... but I am having YouTube technical difficulties. I feel lost and alone.

Never fear, I shall post as soon as I can figure out what the deal is! In the meantime, please accept this picture of people having a Shrek wedding.

Thou Rump-Fed Ronyon!

A joyous Talk Like Shakespeare Day to thee, thou paunchy, onion-eyed maggot-pies!
Methinks the fairest part of Shakespearean speak art the insults. Beg assistance in creating thine own here... and here!

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Proposal Fail 2.0: Lord of the Rings

Really, these should serve as cautionary tales. Gentlemen... creativity is nice, but INSURE THE RING.

Happy Earth Day!

In honor of Earth Day, here's some energy-saving activities:

1. Instead of buying NEW gas, siphon gas out of your neighbor's vehicle. You'll also save the earth from harmful fumes- they can't drive their car, and you'll be running away, at least that trip.

2. Turn off your tv and act out your own episode of Lost. It's a special (read: clip show) tonight anyway.

3. Go to the bathroom with the lights off. Surely you've had some jokester in your life shut the lights off when you're doing your business. It's freaky in there- sure the mirror's there... but WHERE ARE YOU?

4. Light your night using only the soft blue glow of the Bunsen burners in your meth lab.

5. Cut the main power line to your neighbors' house. This may also prompt them to move (Big Bro? Sis in Law?)

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Prithee, good sirrah, will'st thou speak like Shakespeare or no??

Say what you will about Mayor Daley, but the guy likes to have fun. From making Superbowl bets with Indianapolis to midnight digging raids on airport runways to reclaim public land, I appreciate his sense of old style city government.
His newest cause, according to CNN? Talk Like Shakespeare Day, this Thursday, April 23. In conjunction with the Chicago Shakespeare Theater's celebration of the day most historians agree is Shakespeare's birthday, Mayor Daley issued a proclamation encouraging students, teachers and the general public to toss out words like "thou" "fie!" and "knave" into the day.
I'm totally into it, and not above throwing out some Henry V with BFF. I'm DEFINITELY going to call someone a rough-hewn hedge pig.
Below are some tips from, the official website created by the Chicago Shakespeare Theater if you feel like being a joiner:
1. Instead of you, say thou. Instead of y’all, say thee.
2. Rhymed couplets are all the rage.
3. Men are Sirrah, ladies are Mistress, and your friends are all called Cousin.
4. Instead of cursing, try calling your tormenters jackanapes or canker-blossoms or poisonous bunch-back’d toads.
5. Don’t waste time saying "it," just use the letter "t" (’tis, t’will, I’ll do’t).
6. Verse for lovers, prose for ruffians, songs for clowns.
7. When in doubt, add the letters "eth" to the end of verbs (he runneth, he trippeth, he falleth).
8. To add weight to your opinions, try starting them with methinks, mayhaps, in sooth or wherefore.
9. When wooing ladies: try comparing her to a summer’s day. If that fails, say "Get thee to a nunnery!"
10. When wooing lads: try dressing up like a man. If that fails, throw him in the Tower, banish his friends and claim the throne.

Monday, April 20, 2009

OH NOES!!!!! Celebrity Style

Kim Kardashian, after a hard day' Yeah, we'll go with work.

Morrissey at the Coachella Festival... apparently the Grandaddy of EMO eats his feelings as much as I do...

My Amy... with a hella-giant burn on her leg from "cooking pasta" (read: meth lab mishap). Also, according to the Daily Mail, Amy is considering moving to St. Lucia in order to adopt some of the local children. All I can say is, if her house is made of gingerbread, run. RUN CHILDREN! BEFORE SHE FEEDS AGAIN!!

Miss USA: Spreading Right-Wing Messages of Hate Since 1952

There's nothing like using a forum for public entertainment to spread your message of intolerance. Little girls everywhere learned yet another reason why pageants are instruments of evil last night when Miss California emphatically described how marriage is defined in her family and, apparently, HER country. Guess we know ONE family who voted for Prop 8.

Careful honey- you just got a hit put out on you by the Velvet Mafia. Bad idea for a beauty queen.

Saturday, April 18, 2009

It's Coming... It's COMING!! New Harry Potter Trailer

There's so much even in this little trailer that's directly from the book that I am holding out more hope for this Harry Potter movie than I ever have before- and we all know what an enormous HP nerd I am, so that's saying something.

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Boy Do I Need This Today!

Why is it that I am so afraid of mascots and masks... and yet Storm Troopers have no effect?

Sidenote, I've also found having weird crap like this on your screen tends to dissuade even the most persistent OverTheShoulder Nosy Nancies.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Is Anyone Else Wondering Whether They Aren't... STATUES?

Ah... to blog or not to blog about more celebrity mental illness. Apparently Lindsay Lohan was throwing eggs at paparazzi the other night, but blogging about her would be a 24/7 gig. Plus, does she really rate as a celebrity anymore? ZZZZING!!!!
Anyway, I figured reviewing the pedophilic statuary being auctioned off out of Michael Jackson's Neverland Ranch would be more fun. From the Daily Mail:


Seriously... I think MJ had some kids bronzed.

OK... not all of it is creepy.

But most of it is.

Carousel Horse? meh. Check out the Zoltar machine in the background! Big!! HOLLA!

Is the little faun blowing a horn a metaphor?

Insert your own joke here... my brain has exploded.

Monday, April 13, 2009

Amy Winehouse Is Still Alive

By dining on children and puppies!! My dear Amy is back in St. Lucia, possibly escaping to a safe, warm place after reports that her husband Blake Civil-Fielder got another woman pregnant in rehab, according to the Daily Mail. Classy!!

Not to be out-shined in the attention-whore department, Amy was also reported to have streaked through the hotel- waving her arms and babbling incoherently. I so, SO wish someone YouTubed that. Winehouse Watch GOLD!

PS- correct me if I'm wrong, but is that a condom in her hand?

Friday, April 10, 2009

Your Daily Sacrilege: In Game Form

Holiday Bonus Post!!
I actually found this for Rarmy about four years ago... and just remembered how much fun it is to dress Jesus up for the holidays.
Have a Good Friday! (get it? get it??)

Mall Easter Bunnies and Santas: Mascots for Evil.

Happy Easter everyone. Hope you can sleep tonight.

Thursday, April 9, 2009

What Would a Good 80's Movie Be Without Awkward White Dancing?

The music on this is AWFUL, but the memories made me smile for Dancing Thursdays. Today's Dancing Thursday is dedicated to Sis In Law and BFF, who can both talk me off the ledge when I'm ready to fire my family and hire a new one.

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

That's a Weirdly Specific Job.

Remember how I was all upset about House and what will heretofore be known as "That Stupid Suicide Episode" yesterday? No? Let me recap.
Fox touted Monday's show as "the one episode that comes along every season that BLOWS YOUR MIND." I hate when networks advertise like this. Do people really fall for it? It's as bad as when every single Law & Order was "RIPPED FROM THE HEADLINES".
So anyway, one of the new doctors randomly shot himself. At the end of the episode there was a Public Service Announcement type message "if you are considering suicide, call this number", which is frankly, completely un-House. It could only have been made worse if they made Hugh Laurie narrate it. Actually, I hope they asked and he told them to pound sand.
Making it even worse... the House website has an honest to god memorial to the character. Not the actor, the character. Obviously, House watchers are drooling simpletons that can't distinguish between reality and television.
Way to go, Fox. It's situations like this that cause fairy godmothers to curse children.

ANYWAY...apparently there was a need to get Kumar off the show rather sharpish, because he's joining the Obama Administration. NPR reports:

Actor Kal Penn has been named to an Obama administration liaison post that connects the Executive Branch to people in the entertainment industry and Asian-Pacific groups. Penn is best known for his portrayal of Kumar in the stoner films Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle and Harold and Kumar Escape From Guantanamo Bay. He was most recently in the Fox TV drama House.

So I guess kudos to him... because clearly, this is a man that should hold office.

I Am Clearly Not Taking The Art of Embroidery To Its Full Potential.

This is a series of embroidered handkerchiefs based on Craigslist Ads. I am posting them for obvious reasons.

See the rest of the series, plus some other examples here. Added extra special bonus kerchief... Marzipan reference. Holler! (I'm still totally right. Fondant covers cakes, Marzipan makes the little decorations.)

Why Not?

These aren't photoshopped. I can't decide if I would rather they were, or to know that the stylist spent FOUR HOURS of his life on each horse.
According to the Daily Mail, it's all advertising photographer Julian Wolkenstein's fault:
Julian hit on the idea of experimenting with horses' hair during a chat with a fellow advertising pal.
'The idea for these images came from a discussion with a friend who said, 'Hey wouldn't it be fun to shoot horses with big hair?',' says Sydney-born Julian, 36.
'It is important to do personal projects just for fun, not to sell anything, but just to remind you why you make images, but mostly, and simply, to make you smile.'
I'm hoping there's more than three... humor comes in numbers here.

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Taking the Metaphors Too Far: Questionable Razor Ads


mmm...Creamy: When Frat Rats Work Food Service.

Free Gallon of (Salad) Dressing (Lincoln Park)

(1) Unopened Classic Sysco brand Liberty Creamy Caesar dressing.

This is a one gallon jar that was mis-ordered at my work. I brought it home by my roomates told me that we already have enough Creamy Dressing in our fridges.
I would hate to see all this Creamy Dressing go to waste- Think of all the salads you could toss with it!
Perhaps we could arrange a Creamy Dressing exchange.

Failing that, I am willing to unload all of this Creamy Dressing for free.
Seriously, come get this Creamy Dressing off my hands.

E-mail only please. First come first serve basis.
Location: Lincoln Park
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: 1111553909

I especially like the demonstrative photo that the jar is, in fact UNOPENED.

Saturday, April 4, 2009

Upperclass America Takes It's Love of Fleece Too Far.

Fleece... the first choice in outerwear by upper-class white people. Behold the Peekaru, the fleece to keep baby warm on those long treks to your BMW X5.

Because what do upper-class people like to do more than anything else? Flaunt their spawn and ability to find love with their homogenous-looking spouses in front of the general population, getting as close as possible to carrying a banner that says "WE FUCK!!", without actually having the banner. Because apparently that would be tackier than the "Smitten", mittens for lovers.

I know it's difficult, choosing between your love of fleece and love for your spouse... but now you don't have to. You can shamelessly flaunt both with sweaty palm hand-holding in the tandem mitten: "My nose itches!" "Awwww I'll scratch it for you, poopsie!!" *HORF*

Where can one pick up the Smitten? Restoration Hardware, where apparently it was so popular that they are currently sold out.

Thanks to Sis in Law for the Peekaru tip, and I'll do you one better:

Photoshops courtesy of Emptees, via Geekologie. Natch.

Thursday, April 2, 2009

Proposal FAIL

I am all about the videos this week!! Ah well. Sometimes your brain needs to take a little vacation.

On to the video from NBC New York... this dude prepared a romantic proposal for his girlfriend on the Brooklyn Bridge, with all of their family present for the moment... AND DROPPED THE RING INTO TRAFFIC. She cries. I'm heartless apparently; I'd be the family member laughing at Butterfingers and recording him jump into oncoming traffic to get it.

Spontaneous Sound of Music!!!!

I LOVE THIS SO MUCH I PEED A LITTLE BIT!!!! Sound of Music and spontaneous public dancing? Is this heaven??

Considering I still can't really move without immense amounts of either pain or Vicoden, this was much needed today. I was a cranky bitch yesterday, hence no posting. Plus I am not clever and couldn't think of any good April Fool's jokes. It's tough when the pressure's on.

But this. This!! So glorious. I'm moving to Europe. Those people have a sense of humor.