Thursday, August 27, 2009

The Double Down... When You've Just Given Up.

Behold the KFC Double Down. Kudos to KFC for taking the FatAss crown from Burger King by openly admitting that bread is for suckers when it comes to making a sandwich. How drunk do you have to be to not be ashamed to order this?
Then again, according to a study I saw on my elevator tv this morning, people that are 80 pounds or more overweight are more likely to die 3-12 years sooner than those of a normal weight. Seriously... look at it here at USA Today. So I'm busting my ass to die at 80 instead of 92.
Screw that noise. It's not like I get to be 22 again... so I miss 12 years of osteoporosis and Medicare. BFD! Double Down... I'm coming for your cheesy embarrassment! Look out!
Image from Food

Sweden Does It Right!!

Except for the terrifying little Monster mascot at the end. Also- that street looked sorta filthy. I will suffer to be in a flash mob, but I'm not sure I want to be covered in little kid urine and old cotton candy.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Destroying Your Dog's Dignity, One Walk at a Time.

Really- should you own a dog in the first place?

Product Site full of helpful FAQ's and excellent grammar here. See below!

Can owner use the "PooTrap" always when walking their dog out?
When dog is having diarrhea, or if the owner just don't feel like taking the "PooTrap" off the dog, feel free to keep the "PooTrap" on the dog.

Saturday, August 22, 2009

Petting Is Passe


I can't even begin to discuss how awesome this woman and her cat are. I lost it when she starts talking about "droolers not being someone that fixes a watch", but I couldn't even watch when she starts singing to that drugged cat.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Is "Twi-Babies: The Animated Series" Cartoon Coming Next?'s StyleWatch is showing us the true extent of Twi-fever... Barbie has now gotten a piece of the pie with Edward and Bella (she kind of just looks like a regular Barbie!) dolls, at $25 a pop, available November 1st. It's like action figures for goth kids! I do like that Ken... er... Edward has the sexhair, although it looks like it's just molded plastic. How are the kiddies going to run their grubby fingers through it?

Emo non-threatening undead love is also low-hanging fruit for Hallmark, who have a series of greeting cards covering all the important vampire holidays... Valentines Day, Halloween (!) and Birthdays.

E! Online shows the line here: please go take a look so you can see "Let's go trick or treating in Forks, Washington! I hear there's a lot of eye-candy there!"

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

I Have Watched This 40 Times In The Last Hour.

It's still funny.

Hey! Hey Alan! HEY!

And for those of you who AREN'T familiar with RPG's. (Sis-in-law... I know how you love the talking animals, this is for you! Thanks for the weekend at the lake house!)

That's a Mighty Big Sword You're Holding...

For those of you that are hip to the online RPG's...

Watch The Guild here!

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Leave My Scissors Alone: A Celebration of International Left Handers Day

That's right, mo-fos. Today is International Left Handers Day! Forget being gay, black or a woman... you want to know what the real minority is? LEFTIES!! Seriously, have you ever tried to sign something with those stupid pens on a chain with your left hand? It NEVER reaches!
Don't even get me started on serrated knives.
Look out, though... we now have a gun club and a scholarship, so we're armed with knowledge AND a semi-automatic.
So go kiss your favorite lefty today! (Hint: It's me!)

Dancing Thursdays Has a New SPONTANEOUS Public Dance!

That's right, Fonzipanners... we all know I love me some flash mobs. One question... why can't flashmob producers learn to operate a freaking camera? You're clearly planning this well in advance. Take some time to scope out some good locations for hidden cameras. Plus, there's this thing called a ZOOM lens... use it! This is a promotion that occurred in Times Square last week to promote Chris Kattan's new show on IFC, Bollywood Hero. Is he Indian? Whatever. Apparently he plays himself as he goes to Mumbai for a leading role in a Bollywood film.

Sorta wish I got IFC... that looks like it has promise. Plus, now that we have a few weeks between So You Think You Can Dance seasons (September 9th!), I have a glaring hole in my Wednesday and Thursday night tv schedules. You can only watch so many re-run episodes of House to fill the void.

While we're on the subject of So You Think You Can Dance... I think we've all watched the finale... what did you all think? Once Janette was out of the running for top 4, I lost my vote for number one. I wanted a girl to win, as in the 5 years the show's been running, there was only one female winner, the deserving Sabra. So in one respect, I was happy to see versatile, though less talented Jeanine win.

Let's be honest- Janette should have won. She had the personality, the talent and (I thought) the following to win it all...however, I think the judges praise lost her the crown. Once someone starts becoming a star in the judges eyes, it's like they lose their shine for the audience.

All in all, I'm glad Evan didn't win. He was so outmatched on the stage, and I think even he knew it.

In honor of Janette, my favorite dance with her in it is below, a glaring omission from the finale's recap of the best dances of the season.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Are You Sure You Want to Invite This Guy Over For Drinks?

Gliese 581D is a planet about 20 light years away in the Libra constellation (groovy, baby!), and is a planet that scientists postulate could possibly support life. Whether it's punch through your stomach and eat your brains life or ET phone home life, well, they just aren't sure.

So why not invite the general population to write messages to whatever may be living on Gliese 581D? is a site that does just that, switching messages from the public into binary code and will beam them to outerspace, at which time we will shortly become a slave race.

The messages range from the clinically depressed to the totally stoned to the pretty awesome, some of my favorites are below:

When you come here make sure you get a copy of all Britney Spears albums, you're going to love them.
Victor Julio Galicia
Barquisimeto, Venezuela

You are cordially invited to an Interplanetary BBQ. 6.00pm, 4th October, 2452 at my place BYO Meat and Beer. RSVP: Year 2100 Cheers

Daniel Edmonds
Melbourne, Australia

Greetings from the Caribbean! It's warm and great here. Visit and we'll show you a great time, drinks and spicy food! Please bring own towel & sunblock though.

Anthony De Castro
St Joseph, Trinidad and To

Dear aliens, Please disregard those transmissions featuring Hitler. They're from a few years back and nobody really liked him anyway.

Chicago, United States

Hi-dilly, ho-dilly, neighboreenos!
Ned Flanders
Perth, Australia

Hi hi, my housemate has given up on all males on our planet. If you have half a brain and something to prod her with, she'll be pleased to meet you. Toodles,
Melbourne, Australia

Hello Aliens. Do you have genetalia? I hope so.
Melbourne, Australia

Hi We kill each other, destroy our own environment and value material objects more than each other. Yours, hoping for a better future,
Dulwich Hill, Australia

We need help, we are being destroyed by leaders whos only concern is lining their own pockets, assuming you can read english. Greetings
Adam Pronaszko
Borehamwood, Australia

We are destroying our planet, and are too selfish to stop. We need your help. Please come quickly.
Ted Catchpole
Canberra, Australia

Heads up: on our planet, it is considered rude to introduce yourself to new neighbours without offering delicious cake or a hamper of edible goods.
Tegan Lyons
Sydney, Australia

Hello from Earth, please visit. We have cookies.
Chris Hully
Ottawa, Canada

'ssup bros? I'm a libra too. Respect.

MattHobart, Australia

You don't understand any Earth language let alone English so it doesn't matter what I write.
Scoby Watson
Sydney, Australia

Our planet's idea of Miss Universe is thin, dumb blondes. Perhaps you can diversify the pool.
sydney, Australia

Hello there my children, It has been long since my father created you in his image and I died for your sins here on earth. I look forwards to reconnecting.
Jesus Christ
Behind the pearly gates, Australia

If your planet really exists, has the Creator revealed Himself to you? He has to us here on Earth. His Name is Jesus Christ.Trevor HoltBalgownie, Australia

Hello. You may be nearer the angels and God. Please ask them to heal my son Peter and to make his life happy. Kim CupplesKim CupplesYuba City, United States

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Facebook Will Ruin Your Life. If You're a Moron.

As seen on Geekologie.

I'd Like to Judge That Competition

According to the Associated Press via Taiwan News (what? I like to diversify), today is the "best drink" final round of the World Cocktail Competition in Berlin. 100 bartenders from 52 countries compete in rounds such as "Classic" (plain old mixing) and "Flair" (what Mini Me is doing in the clip up there).

Cheers! Come to Chicago! MAKE ME DRUNK!

Monday, August 10, 2009

Why I Never Liked Dolls. (Those creepy eyes!)

Meet Bebe Gloton, the Spanish sensation that's sweeping the nation, according to the Daily Mail.

Anyone else totally have the creepers from this video? Even the little girl doesn't seem to be having much fun. The little apron with the petal nipples? *shudder* Again, I know it's natural, blah blah blah. But this is one toy I wouldn't want my kid pulling out at the Steak & Shake, you know?

Saturday, August 8, 2009

The Destruction of My Childhood

John Hughes died... which you probably already knew. The writer of some of the most formative movies of my childhood (I just KNEW I would meet Ferris... one day), he is already greatly missed.

Who else is going to die that is a sharp, painful reminder of my own mortality? So help me god, if it's Wil Wheaton, I'm never leaving the house again. I'll just be sitting there, watching an endless loop of Star Trek, the Next Generation episodes and crying about how this was never supposed to happen to Gordie.

October 16th Can't Come Soon Enough

When wondering aloud why this entire movie seems to be filmed in Sunset-o-vision, my very own mother tossed out a salient point: "Well, the whole book is set at bedtime." Way to get deep and symbolic on us, mom!

I am growing increasingly impatient for this movie to be released. Each preview makes the hairs on my arms stand up and I get a little teary.

Apparently, I'll have to go sans children, as my suggestion that I escort my nieces was served a roundhouse kick to the teeth. Oh well. Who ever wanted to deal with sticky kids in a movie theater anyway?

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Zombie Yourself!

You know I love fun times on the interwebs. Kill time by making yourself into a zombie at You can also SuperHero Yourself using their incredibly detailed HeroMachine.

A Bike Ride With Man's Best Friend

I saw this guy and his pitbull on TMZ last week... and when I looked for the video- saw this longer and far cooler video. Check it out- it fills me with smiles. And the knowledge that Daisy would merely use me as a launching pad to get closer to the squirrels in the trees.

Monday, August 3, 2009

This is the Worst Commercial in the World.

Guhhhhh I hate the sound of nail clippers. It seriously makes me sick to my stomach. Thus- I hate this commercial. That part where they cut 5 nails at the same time? *shudder* Also- they keep dumping out the nail clip reservoir. ON THE TABLE. Blecchhh... it's like they're TRYING to gross me out. Are nail clippers really that difficult to use? Well, I suppose if you're old.

Get your Sure Clips here. Be sure to tell them this commercial gives you nightmares.
UPDATE: I had to take the commercial off. It was grossing me out... and it was like my worst nightmare- since it would begin playing automatically! It was like I couldn't escape that grotesque sound.