Thursday, December 31, 2009

Happy Slappy New Year! or: The Only Way I Can Stomach The Black Eyed Peas

Despite the careless choice to feature a mascot, I found myself hypnotically drawn to this mash up.

Happy New Year, folks! Hold money at midnight, look someone straight in the eye while toasting, and use public transportation tonight!

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Monday, December 28, 2009

Republicans Are Crazy Lying Liars.

I will fully admit, not all of them. But ad campaigns like Andy Martin's that I heard this morning on WGN make me wonder why anyone would ever want to associate themselves with such a hate-mongering, vile group of people.

Andy Martin, a perennial runner for...well...any political office (this time around the Senate race in Illinois), and the person that started 2008 rumors that Barack Obama was Muslim released a radio spot that had the following words:

"I helped expose many of Barack Obama's lies in 2008. Today, I am fighting for the facts about Mark Kirk. Illinois Republican leader Jack Roeser says there is a 'solid rumor that Kirk is a homosexual'. Roeser suggests that Kirk is part of a Republican Party homosexual club. Lake County Illinois Republican leader Ray True says Kirk has surrounded himself with homosexuals. Mark Kirk should tell Republican voters the truth." Text found on Huffington Post.

Shocked at both the vitriolic content of this message and the dumbass who SOLD AIR SPACE FOR THIS MESSAGE, I almost couldn't believe what I heard... until the announcer who was filling in for Greg Jarrett said something to the effect of "I am not allowed to comment on the political ads WGN runs, no matter how idiotic and vile they may be."

Well. Points to you, guy I can't remember. Bob Sirott, maybe?

In looking for information on this ridiculous political campaigning, I came across a newspiece on that discusses how Andy Martin was not only "sanctioned in federal court for filing hundreds of lawsuits", but "found unfit to practice law by the Illinois Supreme Court".

I was ready this morning to boycott WGN and their Fox News-like support for the insanity of intolerance, but the article also gives WGN a small break by explaining that it is against federal communications law and FCC rules for political advertising to ban a particular ad.

I guess Freedom of Speech works for the crazytowns too, but jeez.

Sunday, December 27, 2009

It's Like My Worlds of Awesome Have Collided to Make Me a SUPERWORLD!

This is a flashmob in a Roman shopping center for the release of Glee in Italy. I AM IN LOVE. Glee? Spontaneous public dancing? ITALY?? If they could have somehow thrown Twilight, Lee Pace and baked goods in there, I would have exploded.

Oh, and waited 3 months so I could have born witness in person.

Saturday, December 12, 2009

This Is Wrong On So Many Levels.

This is the latest Michelin ad running on air right now. Can we discuss how wrong it is to have dancing roadkill? I don't care how cutesy you try to make the carnage, they're still dead animals. Why not make the guts pink and blue and glittery?

Anyone else catch the subtle "ghetto" influence of the "pre-Michelin" road? I was half expecting to see the raccoon dealing rocks to his flattened little homies.

Rocking, Muppet Style.

Who doesn't want Muppets on a Saturday morning?

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

The Internet is My True Love.

Guess what's now on Hulu?
EPISODES OF MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3000, THAT'S WHAT. It's enough to get my geek heart fluttering.
I pledge my alliegance to you fully, Hulu. I love you with all my might. If you want me to kill people, I might. If you throw I Accuse My Parents on there. Just sayin'.
In other geek related news, PeeWee Herman is back. There's a stage show announced, and maybe another movie! Is anyone NOT excited about this? Because frankly, I find you un-American.

Bestill My 12 Year Old Heart...

Percy Jackson and the Olympians is a youth book series that I fully enjoy. Yes, I realize that I read more kid's lit than adult lit now (Harry Potter, I blame you), but what's the fun in life if you can't regress?

This movie looks pretty good, but I have a few beefs with it.

A)... Percy Jackson (the kid with the pen) is TWELVE YEARS OLD in the first book. His age plays a pretty significant part in the series plot, so the fact that this young man's testes have undoubtedly descended gives me pause.

B) Steve Coogan is Hades? Boromir is Zeus? Well, Boromir I can handle. (yes yes, Sean Bean, I KNOW his real name)... but Steve Coogan isn't... hmmmm... EVILLLLL enough to be the God of the Dead for me, which is really just a symptom of a larger issue- NONE of the casting looks like I imagined them. I will confess I hold this to the gold standard, Harry Potter, in which most of the characters are realized the way I imagined them back in 2000. Jesus, I'm old.

C) This guy is Ares (who should also have more of a role than "uncredited" suggests). While I expected most of the gods to be, well, older (many are not), this guy? God of War? More like God of Donuts and Looking Sorta Like William Shatner.

I don't know, folks. In a period in which Where the Wild Things Are and the Fantastic Mr. Fox are generating Oscar and nostalgia buzz, could we have given this more effort? Am I overthinking it?

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Sheer Poetry

I really like Christopher Walken, despite really weird stories a friend of mine from junior high used to tell about him (Like that he actually filed his teeth down to points... which must have come in handy in Sleepy Hollow...). She used to lie a lot though, so I took everything with a grain of salt. Please. This man was in a Fatboy Slim video for cry-eye!!

PS- doesn't this interpretation remind you of this version of Rocket Man from Shatner at the 1978 Science Fiction awards (do they still have those? turns out they do)? I have loved this since I first saw it as my poetry final in college. I miss ya, Clewell.

PPS- this just proves how awesome Shatner was...

Monday, November 30, 2009

I Love Cats I Don't Live With

So You Think You Can Bore Me

I never thought I would have done it, but I moved So You Think You Can Dance to the bottom of my Tivo Season Pass List, which means it'll only get recorded if nothing else is on. (This is totally my first step to deleting you all together, SYTYCD. Time to step up.)

Is anyone else kind of over it this season? I kind of don't care about the show right now... it's almost like work to watch the shows that backed up on the Tivo in the past few weeks. There's a few things I can attribute to my apathy.

1. Dancer Hype. They have been touting the dancers of Season 6 as THE BEST dancers ever, and frankly, I'm not seeing it. Once Billy Bell left (before the first episode!), I couldn't see anyone that could hold a candle to Katee and Joshua from season 4, or Travis, or Brandon from last year. I feel cheated.

2. Choreographer Burn-Out, or Where the Hell Is Mia? Mia Michaels left the show in rather abrupt fashion, and the dances from the remaining choreographers seem a little...tired. Wade and Travis are still good, but Stacey Tookey's last dance (that I saw) looked like a pale re-make of Travis' heart dance from last season, Sonya is just being Sonya, that woman with the headphones just annoys the heck outta me, and no one likes the Quick-Step. Do I just not know enough about dance to notice when something is plain but technically brilliant? Or do I just not care? This sort of leads me into the last category...

3. Too Soon!! Beginning Season 6 on the heels of Season 5, with overlapping auditions certainly seems to have worn out the judges, and it is apparently beginning to wear on me. I can't tell if So You Think You Can Dance is a show I love in the summer simply because nothing else is on, or if I'm just tired of eating the same meal every night, so to speak. I believe it's a mix of both... my expectations of summer programming are much lower in than fall (it's the difference between watching Merlin and FlashForward, or eating Hamburger Helper vs Filet Mignon- hungry? yes. I am.). I expect repeats, trashy reality tv, and throw-away series that the network decides to give a modest chance. In the fall, I expect new episodes of favorite shows, creative shows with teams of clever writers, and the shows the networks feel are their best bet for a hit. So You Think You Can Dance falls into the mindless summer trashy reality for me.

As for eating the same meal every's too much!! SYTYCD has a run time of 3 hours per week, if you add in the results show. With scores of new programming on each network, devoting 3 hours of my time to one show EACH WEEK is excessive, and has been putting the show last on my tv "to do" list (yes, I actually have one).

Anyone else feel the same?

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Time to Celebrate!

Today is World Toilet Day!! It sounds funnier than it is. It's actually a day to bring awareness to sanitation problems in Third World countries, blah blah blah.

However, I think we should celebrate our porcelain thrones the American way... binge drinking.

PS... this is the scariest toilet I have ever seen. I would hold it.


EEEEEEEEE!!! I'm so excited. Storytime! Ahhh London... a place of mystery, a place of wonder, a place where you can STILL see Cats.

Which we did. And then bought the soundtrack on tape. And played it in our room all the time. One particularly giddy night, BFF and I were skipping down the hall of our dorm singing Jellicle Cats. I wish we could say we were drunk or high, but we sure weren't. Just made of awesome.

Our dorm was weird, and had 2 steps up in the middle of the hallway, then 2 steps down about 20 feet away for no reason. As BFF and I tried to skip up the steps, I made it and kept dancing down the hall. BFF... didn't. I turned, because she was no longer by me, and watched in horror as BFF pinballed down the hallway: hitting one wall, and then, desperately trying to right herself, caroming off the other, only to fall in great somersaulting fashion.

I swear TO THIS DAY it happened in slow motion. BFF's eyes never left mine; her face horrified and her head shaking as if to say, "There's no way I can get out of this one." I did nothing to help her... I was too far away. And laughing WAY too hard.

Moral of the story? Never dance down the hall in your shower shoes.

Don't feel too bad for BFF. Later that night, during our only round of blood-sport Frisbee with our friend Gabe, I took a frisbee to the face (I'm not... coordinated). I also fell off the 3 foot garden wall as I was trying to make a super-sweet jump to get the frisbee that had fallen over the side. Didn't quite stick the landing.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

News Flash: You're Old.

Seriously. Who watches wrestling? Who watches old dudes wrestling? There's apparently some people that think this fight was real, but I call shenanigans, as Hulk Hogan (age 56) and Ric Flair (age 60... 60!!!! THAT'S MY DAD'S AGE) have wrestled 1994... and apparently Ric Flair is coming out of retirement. How do I know all this, do you ask? No. I don't watch wrestling. Wikipedia, my friends!

Hazards of Body Piercings.

Ha ha this picture. We never met that guy before! And yet he was so willing to pose with us for stupid photos. Also... these are the same overalls I was wearing as the last picture... different day. That may even be the same shirt.

BFF never really willingly does embarrassingly stupid things. She leaves that to me. Most of the stories I find hilarious about BFF are things that happen TO her... such as the time (Freshman year, yet again! man... good times) she got her eyebrow pierced.
Getting the piercing was never really the issue. Like any rebellious 18 year old, it was almost her duty to get it (as were the tattoos we got the next year). The real story begins when it became noticeably infected... like dark red streaks running down her face infected.
Let me explain a little bit about BFF. She's very precise, very organized, and very detail-oriented (sidebar: it's very helpful for those with a scattered brain to have someone like this in your life.). You give her directions, she. will. follow. them. So when BFF got directions from Iron Age about keeping her piercing clean and infection-free... you better believe that she followed them TO THE LETTER. Still, despite twice daily cleanings, turnings, and all that other crap you have to do with metal in your face, BFF's eyebrow got super-duper infected.
We've discussed the annoyance of the gift of sight on this blog before. Let me give you, verbatim, the conversation that BFF had with every single person that looked at her:
"Ooh... what happened there?"
"My piercing got infected."
"Hmm... looks like it really hurts!"
"Well, it sure doesn't feel great..."
"Have you been washing it?"
This happened for about 4 days, until one cold fall day, BFF had enough. Coming into the cafeteria from a late class (Remember late classes? Remember cafeterias? Ours had a make-your-own waffle bar. Delicious.), the conversation with someone at our table started out the normal way:
"Ooh, what happened there?"
"My piercing got infected."
"Hmm... Looks like it really hurts!"
"It doesn't feel great..."
"Have you been washing it?"
Let me interject here with another note about BFF. It takes a long time, but when BFF snaps, it's not pretty. Unless you aren't the person she snaps on. Then it's fucking hilarious.
"NO! I'VE BEEN PISSING ON MY HANDS AND RUBBING IT IN!" *Smacks caf table really fucking hard then walks away*
Honestly, one of the funniest things I've ever heard her say.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

The Secret Life of Stormtroopers.

This guy Stefan, who I think is in France, at least, there's a lot of french in the background, (who should become my French sci-fi watching bestie) is following his Stormtroopers around for a year.

Some of my favorites are below (I really love them all)- take a look at the whole series here.

Monday, November 16, 2009

Duct Tape Is NOT Your Friend, or, How I Learned I'll ALWAYS Need a Bra.

Man, I clung to those overalls for a looong time. Today's stroll down BFF Memory Lane takes us about a month into our freshman year.

BFF and I went to Webster University... a teeny tiny fine arts school that housed about 800 students when we attended. Since the school was so tiny, and perhaps because of the desire of the population to re-live a happier high school existence (freaks & geeks unite!), Webster had sock hops and dances about twice a quarter. They always had themes... Halloween, Christmas, and, in this particular instance, the Pajama Jammy Jam. It was our first dance, and in a fit of determination to fix my self confidence (well, and try to get laid), I picked up a little "sum'n sexxxy" for the dance on our monthly snack stock-up trip (juice boxes, ramen, and Nutter Butters- staples of college life) to the Kmart with Miles. Awwww yeah.

I picked out a plum-colored satin nighty... longish, not too revealing, just enough to get that "gee, I'd like to tap that" thought in some gentlemen's heads. At least, that's what it looked like on the rack. Remember... this is the '90s, heyday of the "slipdress" (thanks for that one, Princess Di!).

Most of you that read this blog have known me for quite a while, or at least have seen me at some point in your lives. I'm pretty sure you all realized that nothing I'm sporting in the "chestal region" is a recent development. I realized in the store getting a thin-strapped satin nighty was a risky maneuver. But me, I've thought ahead. I'm prepared. I was the recent recipient of a very early viral email (what would later be credited as a cautionary tale) about how to keep the "girls" in check. I drag BFF into the Home Supplies aisle.

BFF: "Are you sure this is a good idea?"

Birv: "Pshhhht YES. I mean... you could see it in the picture, but only because her dress was so low-cut. I'm not THAT slutty."

BFF: "How will you keep it from tearing your skin off?"

Birv: "Well... masking tape isn't as sticky as the other stuff. I'll use that by my skin, you know, like volleyball players do (!), and then the duct tape over that to keep them from bouncing around. It'll work, trust me! (The famous last words of anyone embarking on a stupid endeavor.)"
BFF: "Oooookaaay..."
We hustle back to the dorm rooms to get ready for our very first dance. BFF is ready quickly, adorably in a set of cotton jammies. Time for her to help Sultry Susie Birv get ready. The viral email doesn't really show how much tape was used to replace a bra, or how it was put on. Plus, that girl doesn't have tits the size of watermelons to deal with. I decide one strip for "Nip THO Prevention" and cleavage enhancement won't be enough. Best to wrap the whole kit & kaboodle (kabooble?) up, boob tube style, for good measure.
I employ a dubious (and remarkably gracious) BFF to start at my back and start wrapping like a mummy with the masking tape, while I hold the girls in place. We're standing in the middle of my dorm, hoping to god that my roommate doesn't walk in, as this would just take WAY too much explaining. After some awkward moments in which we try to figure out the nipple situation-I end up just taking care of that area myself (To this date, I have never seen BFF's goods. She insists she's seen far too much of mine.)- the masking tape layer is on. It's taken up the entire roll, which doesn't fill me with self-confidence and poise. In fact, it's pretty sweaty, and isn't exactly forming to my body like I envisioned it would; it's lumpy as hell and poking me in the arms when I try to put them at my sides.

Never one to do stupid things in a half-assed manner, I press on. So what if sweat is pooling in my cleavage, as well as dripping down my back? This kind of strapless bra beauty comes at a price. Once the duct tape is on, smoothing everything out- I'll look vixenish and gorgeous. A red-headed Marilyn (hah!). I make BFF start with the mummy wrap one more time.
Laughing the whole time, BFF finishes the job. It's getting hot in my room, and with two rolls of tape on my chest, it's pretty hard to inhale. I have no idea how anyone in their right mind would willingly wear a corset. But still...I'm gonna look friggin' sweet at that dance. I may not be able to sit down or bend over except at right angles (that much tape is actually pretty rigid), and the breathing thing may make it really hard to, you know, actually dance, but still. Who cares? I'm going to meet someone cute! I just know it! (All right, I'll be honest, what was going through my mind is "Tyson will finally notice me! Tyson will finally notice me!" Ahhh.... crushes)
An hour later, I'm ready for the actual nighty. I need assistance getting it on, as I can't lift my arms above my shoulders without serious threat of ripping off my nips (turns out masking tape is stickier than one would think), so BFF helps out. It barely fits over my homemade strapless bra. Never accounted for adding what must have been an inch of tape to my bustline.
It's totally not working. the duct tape only makes the peaks and points of the rest of the tape more prominent, the sweat dripping down my back to my ass is making a spot on my dress the size of Lake Michigan, and now every time I breathe, you can hear a weird crackling noise as the dress rubs across the tape.
BFF is trying to be loyal, and not laugh her ass off. She's failing miserably. I'm trying to convince myself that it is acceptable to go in public looking (and sounding) like an HVAC unit. I am also failing miserably. I finally decide (as sweat begins to work it's way out of my cleavage and I look more and more like a linebacker after a July practice in Florida) to give up on the taping and wear a bra and a sweater. So much for sex kitten appeal. I try to take the tape off.
This proves more difficult than it seems. My body heat has fused the glue of all the tape together. BFF runs to her room, and comes back, sniggering, with a giant pair of scissors (BFF is always prepared), and cuts through what basically adds up to a full torso cast.
Remember how I said I couldn't raise my arms without serious damage? This is nothing, NOTHING compared to trying to pull 80 layers of tape off my boobs. Guess what? That skin is pretty sensitive. And has apparently absorbed the first layer of tape like a she-wolf adopts a foundling boy. IT WILL NOT LET GO.
BFF is now crying laughing, unable to stand. She's now content to watch me suffer in pulling my modern body armor off while lounging in comfort in her Sailor Moon jammies on my bed. I finally get the tape off 1/2 an hour later, and we head to the dance in defeat- my hair 6 inches bigger in a poof of sweaty humidity from my frenzied fight with the tape demons.
Imeet no one (or have anyone notice me) at the party. Probably pretty lucky in that- I have red marks on my boobs for a full week after, and I look like a leper.
Just for shiggles... the viral email that prompted this is below. Enjoy.

I Want to Give You a Hug, Young One!

I'm not sure it's possible for me to love Glee anymore without exploding. Then I read this. Apparently, last week's diva-off was inspired by real events. According to New York Magazine, Chris Colfer, who plays Kurt (totally would have been my BFF in high school), would petition yearly to sing "Defying Gravity" in school:

"Every year in high school, we’d have this talent show, and every year I’d beg to sing “Defying Gravity” and every year they turned me down because I was a boy and they said it was a girl’s song; and every year I protested, saying that there are no lyrics that indicate gender specification whatsoever, but they’d still turn me down. And one day on set, Ryan Murphy told me he was coming up with a Kurt versus Rachel plotline, and for whatever reason, I started talking about this, and the next thing I know it was in the script. I think it’s a good story; the most terrifying thing was just actually getting to do “Defying Gravity” finally. I thought, Oh crap, I can’t mess this up!"

BOOM. (My head and my heart just exploded.)

This also made me realize how old I am. Colfer listened to Wicked religiously in high school (I love the idea that he may actually have an iPod Shuffle somewhere dedicated entirely to Wicked!), I saw the show well into my twenties. Sigh. Come here little one, I want to ruffle your adorable hair!

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Boogedy Boooo....

I am a chronic commercial avoider, particularly now that the Christmas commercials are now starting to pop up like pot plants in a stoner kid's dorm room closet. I will start every show about 10 minutes in so that I can fast forward through them. However, I stop and watch this commercial every time it comes on. I can't stop laughing! From Peyton Manning's "Fix that. It's disgusting." to JT's "YOU'RE disgusting!"... I haven't been this tickled since Kitten Mittens.

BFF Request!!

If BFF asks for something, I do it. So when BFF asked for a Storytime Countdown until I visit for New Moon, I was only happy to oblige. We're pretty funny, so I think everyone will enjoy it. If not, well, too bad. It's my blog and I'll post what I want.

Sooooo.... Storytime! We'll start at the beginning- the day BFF and I first met.

Imagine a tender, innocent Birv (Well. More innocent than I am now, anyway. Shut up! Why are you laughing?), her parents just having left after moving her into the dorm. My college fantasy of giggle-filled, slumber party nights with a popular, bouncy ponytailed, cheerleader-type roommate to bring me out of my cynical shell had just been dashed when my roommate Nancy showed up to our room (toting only two laundry bags of clothes and full-size fridge, by the by), and I honestly thought she was her brother. "Oh hey, you must be with Nancy. Aren't you a nice brother to bring that fridge up here?" "I AM Nancy." "oh...." (Not sure where my fantasy came from, as I knew that my alma mater was a gay haven from the college visit. My hag training started EARLY). Anyway, after a brief introduction, Nancy went off- and I'm not making any sort of stereotype joke, I swear to god it's true- to her very first softball practice, and I was left in my room alone.

Webster has some decent dorms- rather than have communal showers in the halls, the rooms are set up suite-style, with two rooms to a bathroom. Not to get overly familiar, but you know how when you're traveling, you're digestion gets a little... off? Well. The time comes for me. I gotta go. I had seen the blonde girl next door moving in with her parents, but, being too shy to do any more than wave, I hadn't spoken to her yet. But her door to the bathroom is open.

Seriously? This is my introduction? Awesome. But... I GOTTA GO. So I can either slam the door in her face without any explanation, or I can tell her why I'm closing the door. My thought process? How bitchy is that girl that just shut the door for no reason?! So the first words I ever speak to BFF are these: "I'm really sorry, and I want to make sure that you know that it's not because I don't want to get to know you, but I'm closing your bathroom door. Because, well, I have to go poop." (Yes, I'm a master of the overshare.)

The reason I know BFF and I were meant to be BFF's? Her response: "I'm so glad you're the first to poop here, because I didn't want it to have to be me!"

A Letter to President Obama

Dear Mr. President,
I know you're really busy killing off the nation's grandmas with your devil managed healthcare, but I have to address a matter of greater importance to us both. Barack, your favorite restaurant and mine, The Dixie Kitchen & Bait Shop in Hyde Park, has been torn down. Now, I know they are still open in Evanston and Lansing. But frankly, Evanston for soul food? Really? Please. We both know that's not an option. Also- I don't even know where Lansing is.
I know the Dixie Kitchen means a lot to you, 'Rack (can I call you 'Rack?), since you went on Check, Please! and talked about it. You may have heard the Calypso Cafe next door bought the menu, but I ate there last night, and they're just ruining it. I know you love those Johnnie Cakes. I do too. THEY AREN'T THE SAME. Now they're just pancakes with cornmeal thrown in. No subtlety. I don't even want to try the peach cobbler. It probably has some sort of rum in it now. Stupid Caribbean food.
B.O. (hey, your initials are sort of funny. Did you get made fun of a lot for that? I get that. My initials are BJ, and boy, some of the things I heard! But I digress.), I'm sure you're pretty tied up turning into Hitler with your socialist agenda (which doesn't make sense to me, I mean sure, Nazi has the word 'socialist' in it, but I don't really think you're up for genoci... WHOA. The grannies. Now I see what they mean!). Anywho, since you're the big guy in Washington, I bet you have some pull now. I see this as a matter worthy of the National Guard.
B-Rock, feel free to leave your updates on your progress this matter in the comments. When it's open again, we can go there together to celebrate, and I'll buy you a pulled pork sandwich. Sound good?
Lots of love,
PS- I voted for you, so I think that I can call in that favor now.

Friday, November 13, 2009

And the Award for Most Insensitive Song Goes to...

Yes, that Mel C. From Spice Girls. This is an old song, but I am currently listening to the cd's BFF made following our semester in London a crazy long time ago and swimming in a salty sea of memories. Don't ask how long ago we were in London, that's not polite.

Storytime!! Imagine BFF and I, sitting in our dorm room, quietly doing homework (well... BFF doing homework, I was probably reading Harry Potter and ignoring a mounting deadline) with the radio on. Cue Mel C's If That Were Me. BFF and I continue to be silent, both pretending we're not listening as the song gets increasingly ridiculous. Finally, as Mel C sings the best line of the song, "Is it your hope that keeps you warm?", BFF shouts out "No, but a fucking BLANKET might!" and goes back to reading without a further sentence.

This is a snapshot into the love I have for BFF.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

I Think She's Smuggling Heroin In There

Amy Before:

Amy After:

Also... GAH! Aside from the new Serena-Boobs (Gossip Girl reference... HEY-O! By the way... threesomes? 18 year olds? Is this the new college thing?)... the woman is made from cocaine-covered matchsticks.

Play It Like You Did Last Night!

Are you immune to the charms of BB Bunny? Must not be a hard core criminal.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

HA! That's What You Get for Wearing That Scary-Ass Mask.

Y'all know how I feel about masks. I could barely stand to post this. But then...

Did She Just Pull an Ewok Out of Her Purse?

Oh, I think she did. That's right everyone, as I was at the Walgreens yesterday picking up toilet paper, what did I see in the aisle before me? Well.. Christmas decorations, but that's hardly the point. (Sidebar: can't we have Thanksgiving before we start rolling out the yard reindeer? PLEASE?) Anyway... I saw the Snuggie for Dogs. I think it's possibly the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen, but I have to say, it's probably the only thing that Daisy would ever wear. She frigging LOVES blankets. To have her very own? She'd look about as excited as that golden retriever does.

I sort of wish that they didn't pitch it as an alternative to the doggie sweater (props for the opening poem). I wish that they had the guts to say "Is your dog as lazy as you? (yes!) Do you both lay on the couch watching TV and reading all day? ('s our idea of a perfect day!!) Let your dog waste away in the same comfort you do while you catch up back episodes of Eastwick and Ghost Whisperer!" Ok. That last part may be a little too targeted to me. But still. Better, no?

Buy my dog one here.

(Sidebar #2... is everyone as charmed as I am by the little dog falling asleep in its Snuggie? I could watch that all day! It looks so happy!)

Saturday, November 7, 2009

Did You Miss Me?

I missed you guys. I could explain what happened to me for the last month, but it's a very sensitive subject involving alien abductions, zombie slave trades on the black market and pirates. I escaped, but barely.
Rest assured, the hiatus is over. Soon, you will be able to get your fill of tween gossip and Twilight news.

Monday, September 28, 2009

Need Another Ribbon On The Back of Your Car?

It is my goal to one day cover my car entirely in empty causes. The Childhood Goat Trauma Foundation is surely one of them. An "informal support group for problems that were the result of traumatic experiences at petting zoos as children", the CGTF is doing some important work. (Yes, I know it's fake).

Petting zoos are scary!! Frankly... I've had more run-ins with camels than goats (due to the unfortunate camel toe incident at the Creation Museum), but frankly, that experience just showed me that all creatures are not God's creatures, no matter what the religious far right says.

On that subject... wouldn't you expect more religious people to be environmentalists?

Buy a t-shirt here. They're pretty funny.

Friday, September 25, 2009

Favorite Glee Moment: Dedicated to BFF and her Nasty Nati Crew

Why can't all football have this?

This Is How You Should Know the Obama "Single Moms" Grant Isn't Real

I'm just spitballing here... but I would think you'd want to show enterprising young moms with kids in the park, having a debtfree picnic on a sunny day, not baby's first exposure to crack rocks.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Best Line of the Night

Was really tough, actually. I did like "Josh Groban is an angel sent from heaven to deliver us platinum records!" Also- announcement, we have a convert... someone texted me last night that they are starting to enjoy the show. Your anonymity is safe with me, so long as you'd like me to keep it private. But I totally know you want all the songs I've downloaded so far (like 10).

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

RIP, Johnny.

Cancer sucks. I'll miss you, Patrick Swayze!!

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Who Watched So You Think You Can Dance Last Night?

I did!!!! Even though it feels like it's only been about 12 hours since the last season, I'm excited all over again. Especially because it feels like the show is hinting that tap will finally break it's way onto the SYTYCD stage. Did anyone else catch the reference to Singin' In The Rain last night?

If you heard that one tapper reference "Moses Supposes" and aren't the musical geek that I am, the clip above is what he was talking about. I, for one, am excited... I love Mia Michaels, but I'm starting to get sick of all the chest-grabbing contemporary solos.

Best Line of the Night...

This, dear friends, is why I love this show.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

It's Here! It's Here! It's Finally Here!!!

09/09/09.... which is exciting, but not as exciting as the premiere of new Glee episodes!!!!! I'm all aflutter.

I have all sorts of posts for Fonzipanners... more tonight, my lovelies!

Saturday, September 5, 2009

Happy International Bacon Day!

Today is the day we salute the candy of meat, hot crispy DELICIOUS bacon. That's right, it is officially International Bacon Day today!

How will you celebrate? Cleaning your teeth and stanking your breath with Bacon Floss?
Perhaps reading some Bacon Haikus:
Samuel L. Jackson
Told us he don’t dig on swine
Career has flagged since.

How about becoming a member of the Royal Bacon Society?

Me, I'm tossing on a bacon bra and hitting the town. Stick that in your pan and fry it! No, seriously, I would rather have my bacon bra cooked.
See you at the Golden Nugget for breakfasty delights!

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

By Popular Request

Seriously- I'm so glad I can bring my television shame to all of you!! Premiere dates and networks are listed, please bear in mind I have no real cable. If you want to be cooler than me and add your own list, take a look at a Fall Schedule here.
What's so sad about this? This doesn't even include mid-season replacements (V! I know you're coming, with all your Alan Tudyk glory).
Highlighted are new shows I'm interested in, without Glee, since y'all know how I feel about it. Let's have a breakdown:
The Synopsis: "In the United States, the remains of 40,000 people haven't been identified. When police investigations reach a dead end, civilian volunteers across the country work to name -- the forgotten."
Why I Am Watching: Christian Slater. How do I love thee? The many ways a Heather died. After his last tv venture My Own Worst Enemy failed, I'm happy to see him get another chance. Who doesn't love Jack Nicholson lite?
The Synopsis: "THE GOOD WIFE is a drama starring Emmy Award winner Julianna Margulies as a wife and mother who must assume full responsibility for her family and re-enter the workforce after her husband's very public sex and political corruption scandal lands him in jail. Pushing aside the betrayal and crushing public humiliation caused by her husband Peter (Chris Noth), Alicia Florrick (Margulies) starts over by pursuing her original career as a defense attorney."
Why I'm Watching: Aside from the great cast, including Chris Noth and Josh Charles (Dead Poet's Society!!), I think that the time is ripe to explore what happens to a family in the aftermath of a political scandal: Bill Clinton, Eliot Spitzer, John Edwards, Mark Sanford... the list goes on. What happens to the woman that stands stoically at their side?
The Synopsis: "The life of a high-fashion model appears glamorous and sexy, but as every new model learns, behind the beautiful facade is a world of insecurity and cut-throat competition."
Why I'm Watching: This is guaranteed to be a shambolic delight of a show. All the juicy drama of a Gossip Girl, with eating disorders and crazytown Mischa Barton... I'm there!
The Synopsis: "A mysterious man bestows unique powers to three women."
Why I'm Watching: Are you kidding? It's Witches of Eastwick. IN A SHOW.
The Synopsis: "Two vampire brothers - one good, one evil - are at war for Elena's soul in the small town of Mystic Falls, Virginia. Based on the series of books by L. J. Smith."
Why I'm Watching: Why wouldn't I watch the CW jump on the Vampire train? Apparently it's Twilight and True Blood lite all rolled into one. Plus, Boone from Lost! We'll see how long I watch this one, but I'm intrigued at least.
The Synopsis: "A mysterious global event causes everyone to black out simultaneously for two minutes and seventeen seconds, and each person sees a glimpse of their lives six months from now. When they wake up, everyone is left wondering if what they saw will actually happen."
Why I'm Watching: This is the show I'm actually most excited about beyond Glee. Aside from having Joseph Fiennes (le sigh), Jack Davenport and Dominic Monaghan (Lost!), the premise is a Lost-esque sci-mystery based on Robert J. Sawyer's novel (in the novel, the time jump is 20 years... which makes more sense in a book, I'm not sure I'd notice a difference in 6 months. I'd still be watching the same shows).
The Synopsis: "From Dan Harmon ("The Sarah Silverman Program") and Emmy Award-winning directors Joe and Anthony Russo ("Arrested Development") comes "Community," a smart comedy series about a band of misfits who attend Greendale Community College. At the center of the group is Jeff Winger (Joel McHale, "The Soup"), a fast-talkin' lawyer whose degree has been revoked. With some help from his fellow classmates, Winger forms a study group who eventually learn more about themselves than their course work."
Why I'm Watching: Joel McHale! Plain and simple.
The Synopsis: "Starring Michael Strahan (“FOX NFL Sunday”) and Daryl “Chill” Mitchell (“Ed,” “Veronica’s Closet”), BROTHERS is a new half-hour comedy about a former NFL hot shot who learns that even though you can always go home again, the trip back might be tougher than you think."
Why I'm Watching: Michael Strahan, meh. Let's talk about continually funny Daryl "Chill" Mitchell, whom I've loved since GalaxyQuest. Paralyzed from the waist down in a motorcycle accident in 2001, I'm excited to see him in his own, deserved, series. I'm not sure how long I'll watch, but I'm excited to see him in more than a one-off guest spot.

In Case You Wondered Just How Lame I Am...

We all know that Birv loves her some tv. I'd like to think it was partly my job to watch it, having this blog and all. (It's not, but let me have my delusions, mmmkay?) Pointing out just how much of a loser I am, I actually wrote down my new fall tv schedule yesterday. What? I like to be organized!
Then I counted up all the hours of tv on it- a breathtaking 25... 29 if you count the shows I WANT to watch, but are on at the same time as other ones (Thursday nights! What am I going to do with you??). 29 one week. What has Tivo done to me???
The fact that I actually harbored some resentment to the networks for scheduling four shows at the 7pm CST hour on Thursdays should disgust me... but it doesn't. Just writing about it here makes me a little angry all over again. How do I choose? I know I could watch the shows I miss on the internet or wait for them on Netflix, but dammit, I want to watch them NOW! Anyone else having scheduling difficulties? Am I the only one that will admit to how much tv I actually watch?
This, dear friends, is why I do not upgrade my cable.

Thursday, August 27, 2009

The Double Down... When You've Just Given Up.

Behold the KFC Double Down. Kudos to KFC for taking the FatAss crown from Burger King by openly admitting that bread is for suckers when it comes to making a sandwich. How drunk do you have to be to not be ashamed to order this?
Then again, according to a study I saw on my elevator tv this morning, people that are 80 pounds or more overweight are more likely to die 3-12 years sooner than those of a normal weight. Seriously... look at it here at USA Today. So I'm busting my ass to die at 80 instead of 92.
Screw that noise. It's not like I get to be 22 again... so I miss 12 years of osteoporosis and Medicare. BFD! Double Down... I'm coming for your cheesy embarrassment! Look out!
Image from Food

Sweden Does It Right!!

Except for the terrifying little Monster mascot at the end. Also- that street looked sorta filthy. I will suffer to be in a flash mob, but I'm not sure I want to be covered in little kid urine and old cotton candy.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Destroying Your Dog's Dignity, One Walk at a Time.

Really- should you own a dog in the first place?

Product Site full of helpful FAQ's and excellent grammar here. See below!

Can owner use the "PooTrap" always when walking their dog out?
When dog is having diarrhea, or if the owner just don't feel like taking the "PooTrap" off the dog, feel free to keep the "PooTrap" on the dog.

Saturday, August 22, 2009

Petting Is Passe


I can't even begin to discuss how awesome this woman and her cat are. I lost it when she starts talking about "droolers not being someone that fixes a watch", but I couldn't even watch when she starts singing to that drugged cat.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Is "Twi-Babies: The Animated Series" Cartoon Coming Next?'s StyleWatch is showing us the true extent of Twi-fever... Barbie has now gotten a piece of the pie with Edward and Bella (she kind of just looks like a regular Barbie!) dolls, at $25 a pop, available November 1st. It's like action figures for goth kids! I do like that Ken... er... Edward has the sexhair, although it looks like it's just molded plastic. How are the kiddies going to run their grubby fingers through it?

Emo non-threatening undead love is also low-hanging fruit for Hallmark, who have a series of greeting cards covering all the important vampire holidays... Valentines Day, Halloween (!) and Birthdays.

E! Online shows the line here: please go take a look so you can see "Let's go trick or treating in Forks, Washington! I hear there's a lot of eye-candy there!"

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

I Have Watched This 40 Times In The Last Hour.

It's still funny.

Hey! Hey Alan! HEY!

And for those of you who AREN'T familiar with RPG's. (Sis-in-law... I know how you love the talking animals, this is for you! Thanks for the weekend at the lake house!)

That's a Mighty Big Sword You're Holding...

For those of you that are hip to the online RPG's...

Watch The Guild here!

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Leave My Scissors Alone: A Celebration of International Left Handers Day

That's right, mo-fos. Today is International Left Handers Day! Forget being gay, black or a woman... you want to know what the real minority is? LEFTIES!! Seriously, have you ever tried to sign something with those stupid pens on a chain with your left hand? It NEVER reaches!
Don't even get me started on serrated knives.
Look out, though... we now have a gun club and a scholarship, so we're armed with knowledge AND a semi-automatic.
So go kiss your favorite lefty today! (Hint: It's me!)

Dancing Thursdays Has a New SPONTANEOUS Public Dance!

That's right, Fonzipanners... we all know I love me some flash mobs. One question... why can't flashmob producers learn to operate a freaking camera? You're clearly planning this well in advance. Take some time to scope out some good locations for hidden cameras. Plus, there's this thing called a ZOOM lens... use it! This is a promotion that occurred in Times Square last week to promote Chris Kattan's new show on IFC, Bollywood Hero. Is he Indian? Whatever. Apparently he plays himself as he goes to Mumbai for a leading role in a Bollywood film.

Sorta wish I got IFC... that looks like it has promise. Plus, now that we have a few weeks between So You Think You Can Dance seasons (September 9th!), I have a glaring hole in my Wednesday and Thursday night tv schedules. You can only watch so many re-run episodes of House to fill the void.

While we're on the subject of So You Think You Can Dance... I think we've all watched the finale... what did you all think? Once Janette was out of the running for top 4, I lost my vote for number one. I wanted a girl to win, as in the 5 years the show's been running, there was only one female winner, the deserving Sabra. So in one respect, I was happy to see versatile, though less talented Jeanine win.

Let's be honest- Janette should have won. She had the personality, the talent and (I thought) the following to win it all...however, I think the judges praise lost her the crown. Once someone starts becoming a star in the judges eyes, it's like they lose their shine for the audience.

All in all, I'm glad Evan didn't win. He was so outmatched on the stage, and I think even he knew it.

In honor of Janette, my favorite dance with her in it is below, a glaring omission from the finale's recap of the best dances of the season.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Are You Sure You Want to Invite This Guy Over For Drinks?

Gliese 581D is a planet about 20 light years away in the Libra constellation (groovy, baby!), and is a planet that scientists postulate could possibly support life. Whether it's punch through your stomach and eat your brains life or ET phone home life, well, they just aren't sure.

So why not invite the general population to write messages to whatever may be living on Gliese 581D? is a site that does just that, switching messages from the public into binary code and will beam them to outerspace, at which time we will shortly become a slave race.

The messages range from the clinically depressed to the totally stoned to the pretty awesome, some of my favorites are below:

When you come here make sure you get a copy of all Britney Spears albums, you're going to love them.
Victor Julio Galicia
Barquisimeto, Venezuela

You are cordially invited to an Interplanetary BBQ. 6.00pm, 4th October, 2452 at my place BYO Meat and Beer. RSVP: Year 2100 Cheers

Daniel Edmonds
Melbourne, Australia

Greetings from the Caribbean! It's warm and great here. Visit and we'll show you a great time, drinks and spicy food! Please bring own towel & sunblock though.

Anthony De Castro
St Joseph, Trinidad and To

Dear aliens, Please disregard those transmissions featuring Hitler. They're from a few years back and nobody really liked him anyway.

Chicago, United States

Hi-dilly, ho-dilly, neighboreenos!
Ned Flanders
Perth, Australia

Hi hi, my housemate has given up on all males on our planet. If you have half a brain and something to prod her with, she'll be pleased to meet you. Toodles,
Melbourne, Australia

Hello Aliens. Do you have genetalia? I hope so.
Melbourne, Australia

Hi We kill each other, destroy our own environment and value material objects more than each other. Yours, hoping for a better future,
Dulwich Hill, Australia

We need help, we are being destroyed by leaders whos only concern is lining their own pockets, assuming you can read english. Greetings
Adam Pronaszko
Borehamwood, Australia

We are destroying our planet, and are too selfish to stop. We need your help. Please come quickly.
Ted Catchpole
Canberra, Australia

Heads up: on our planet, it is considered rude to introduce yourself to new neighbours without offering delicious cake or a hamper of edible goods.
Tegan Lyons
Sydney, Australia

Hello from Earth, please visit. We have cookies.
Chris Hully
Ottawa, Canada

'ssup bros? I'm a libra too. Respect.

MattHobart, Australia

You don't understand any Earth language let alone English so it doesn't matter what I write.
Scoby Watson
Sydney, Australia

Our planet's idea of Miss Universe is thin, dumb blondes. Perhaps you can diversify the pool.
sydney, Australia

Hello there my children, It has been long since my father created you in his image and I died for your sins here on earth. I look forwards to reconnecting.
Jesus Christ
Behind the pearly gates, Australia

If your planet really exists, has the Creator revealed Himself to you? He has to us here on Earth. His Name is Jesus Christ.Trevor HoltBalgownie, Australia

Hello. You may be nearer the angels and God. Please ask them to heal my son Peter and to make his life happy. Kim CupplesKim CupplesYuba City, United States

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Facebook Will Ruin Your Life. If You're a Moron.

As seen on Geekologie.

I'd Like to Judge That Competition

According to the Associated Press via Taiwan News (what? I like to diversify), today is the "best drink" final round of the World Cocktail Competition in Berlin. 100 bartenders from 52 countries compete in rounds such as "Classic" (plain old mixing) and "Flair" (what Mini Me is doing in the clip up there).

Cheers! Come to Chicago! MAKE ME DRUNK!

Monday, August 10, 2009

Why I Never Liked Dolls. (Those creepy eyes!)

Meet Bebe Gloton, the Spanish sensation that's sweeping the nation, according to the Daily Mail.

Anyone else totally have the creepers from this video? Even the little girl doesn't seem to be having much fun. The little apron with the petal nipples? *shudder* Again, I know it's natural, blah blah blah. But this is one toy I wouldn't want my kid pulling out at the Steak & Shake, you know?

Saturday, August 8, 2009

The Destruction of My Childhood

John Hughes died... which you probably already knew. The writer of some of the most formative movies of my childhood (I just KNEW I would meet Ferris... one day), he is already greatly missed.

Who else is going to die that is a sharp, painful reminder of my own mortality? So help me god, if it's Wil Wheaton, I'm never leaving the house again. I'll just be sitting there, watching an endless loop of Star Trek, the Next Generation episodes and crying about how this was never supposed to happen to Gordie.

October 16th Can't Come Soon Enough

When wondering aloud why this entire movie seems to be filmed in Sunset-o-vision, my very own mother tossed out a salient point: "Well, the whole book is set at bedtime." Way to get deep and symbolic on us, mom!

I am growing increasingly impatient for this movie to be released. Each preview makes the hairs on my arms stand up and I get a little teary.

Apparently, I'll have to go sans children, as my suggestion that I escort my nieces was served a roundhouse kick to the teeth. Oh well. Who ever wanted to deal with sticky kids in a movie theater anyway?

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Zombie Yourself!

You know I love fun times on the interwebs. Kill time by making yourself into a zombie at You can also SuperHero Yourself using their incredibly detailed HeroMachine.

A Bike Ride With Man's Best Friend

I saw this guy and his pitbull on TMZ last week... and when I looked for the video- saw this longer and far cooler video. Check it out- it fills me with smiles. And the knowledge that Daisy would merely use me as a launching pad to get closer to the squirrels in the trees.

Monday, August 3, 2009

This is the Worst Commercial in the World.

Guhhhhh I hate the sound of nail clippers. It seriously makes me sick to my stomach. Thus- I hate this commercial. That part where they cut 5 nails at the same time? *shudder* Also- they keep dumping out the nail clip reservoir. ON THE TABLE. Blecchhh... it's like they're TRYING to gross me out. Are nail clippers really that difficult to use? Well, I suppose if you're old.

Get your Sure Clips here. Be sure to tell them this commercial gives you nightmares.
UPDATE: I had to take the commercial off. It was grossing me out... and it was like my worst nightmare- since it would begin playing automatically! It was like I couldn't escape that grotesque sound.

Friday, July 31, 2009

Anyone Else See the Innuendo?

Or am I the only dirty bird?

I love that it's two and a half pounds... you may as well just grab a can of Campbell's and jiggle it around for all the good it'll do. I wonder if the "prestigious California university" would find that effective as well!

I Wasn't That Impressed This Week.

Apparently Daisy has more in common with Sis-In-Law than we ever thought, after she had an allergic reaction to SOMETHING, she ended up with a swollen face that made her look vaguely Asian. Two medications, a twice daily foot soak and 2-3 daily doses of Benadryl later, she's looking like herself again.

So, sorry I didn't get to post ON Dancing Thursday! I wasn't all that impressed with this week's So You Think You Can Dance anyway... a lackluster quickstep and hip hop dancing with your feet in boxes? You can keep it. The girls' Superhero group dance from Sonya was good- despite Nigel creeping out over Jeanine's overexposed cleavage. *shudder*

Since they didn't have any dances I rewound to watch again, I posted one of my favorite group dances, as re-danced on last week's results show: Ramalama. Wade Robson... you are one sexy piece of stage presence!

Since I'm posting after the results show... I won't reveal who is in the finale. I will say, however, I think they made a mistake with the men. I was excited to WATCH this week's finale- what a lovely surprise to see some of the best dances from last season, which was woefully ignored during last week's 100th episode celebration. Did anyone else think that some of the dancers were a touch rusty when re-dancing old favorites? I remember Mercy being so much tighter... and, well, Twitch actually dancing in it. Same with Joshua and Chelsea's tango- the steps just weren't as tight. The only dance that had the same impact was Bleeding Love... so I included the performance from last year here.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

More To Love: A Big Girl's Look at the Fat People Bachelor

While I got sucked in by the British Bachelor (that accent!), I've never been a huge fan of dating shows. My tastes in the reality genre tend to the dance and cooking competitions (Hell's Kitchen! FTW!) Despite my usual disdain for the genre, I was pumped for Fox's premiere of it's new "Bachelor for Big Folks", More To Love. I watched this show last night determined to discover exactly why I despised it. Full disclosure: I am shamefully, sheepishly hooked.

Perhaps my enjoyment of the show stems from the fact that I find it refreshing that there's a reality show about plus size people that is not a weight loss competition, but I found myself enjoying More To Love.

There's an air of tastefulness to the show... well, as much tastefulness as a reality dating show can muster. I am consistently amazed at the lengths people will go to in order to get on tv; 20 women attempt to generate enough lusty feelings for one man to have them spouting such vapidity as "I could really marry this man!" after about one hour in his presence. Are you really that desperate for love? Or desperate for the innate approval that comes from the attention you derive as a reality tv star? (I think it's the second one!)

There is definitely a train wreckiness to the show: height and weight are listed for each woman (and Luke, our schlubby bachelor) along with age and career. In the same breath with which I was damning the producers for exploiting these poor women, I also found myself comparing my own stats to theirs. (Brilliant marketing tool? I THINK YES!) There was the typical "shameless attention grab" in which one of the girls artlessly jumped in the pool fully clothed, as well as two sleaze-out "gimme a kiss" seduction moments (one such attempt mounted while Luke had another girl sitting next to him on the couch. AWKWARD). Finally, previews for future episodes feature plenty of hefty hanky-panky scenes, as well as what looks to be a fairly delicious girl-fight, complete with battery by floral arrangement. Count me in!

What I appreciate about the show is the candid nature with which the girls speak and behave. While some viewers were undoubtedtly turned off by the admittedly obvious pity editing, watching these girls support each other on body image (bonding over mutual enjoyment of Spanx!), throw up the armor in the face of rejection, and light up when given diamond rings- this show's "rose ceremony" trinket- only to appear so dejected when told they had to give them back for the ceremony (indian giver!!) hits a little TOO close to home for this single, zaftig blogger.

This show is NOT revolutionizing the world view on body image. But it is a show enjoyable, at least in its premiere, for it's mindful portrayal of the "average" American.

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Why Yes, That Is Jon Hamm and I.

Sharing a lovely drink, discussing how awesome my dress is, and that it is, in fact, possible to float by a bar stool. What's that? You'd like to join us? By all means. Mad Men Yourself here.

Birv's New Favorite Show

Seriously, it's not even on tv yet and I love everything about this show. Be advised, Glee Clubbers... they moved the premiere up to September 9th. I am already planning my tv calendar... there's a ton of new shows premiering this fall...(Eastwick, Glee, Community, Vampire Diaries, The Beautiful Life, Flashfoward), PLUS all my returning shows (House, Chuck, So You Think You Can Dance, Castle I caved, Gossip Girl), I'm not sure how I'm going to fit all of them in. Seriously, this is why I don't have cable...I don't think it would be possible to add more channels in.

My god, I am a loser.

Anyway, proving that I have more in common with 14 year old girls than most, I am also totally geeking out about the news in HitFix that the cast of Glee will have a 12 city, 10 day tour (10 city, 12 day? I've seen both...) to Hot Topic stores around the nation. Don't think I'm not going. Hiding in the back and pretending I stumbled upon it while shopping at some really grown up store like Tiffany's, maybe, but I'll be there. "Oh me? I was just here for some more diamonds. How lovely to see the cast of Glee. Charming, charming."