Friday, July 31, 2009

Anyone Else See the Innuendo?

Or am I the only dirty bird?

I love that it's two and a half pounds... you may as well just grab a can of Campbell's and jiggle it around for all the good it'll do. I wonder if the "prestigious California university" would find that effective as well!

I Wasn't That Impressed This Week.

Apparently Daisy has more in common with Sis-In-Law than we ever thought, after she had an allergic reaction to SOMETHING, she ended up with a swollen face that made her look vaguely Asian. Two medications, a twice daily foot soak and 2-3 daily doses of Benadryl later, she's looking like herself again.

So, sorry I didn't get to post ON Dancing Thursday! I wasn't all that impressed with this week's So You Think You Can Dance anyway... a lackluster quickstep and hip hop dancing with your feet in boxes? You can keep it. The girls' Superhero group dance from Sonya was good- despite Nigel creeping out over Jeanine's overexposed cleavage. *shudder*

Since they didn't have any dances I rewound to watch again, I posted one of my favorite group dances, as re-danced on last week's results show: Ramalama. Wade Robson... you are one sexy piece of stage presence!

Since I'm posting after the results show... I won't reveal who is in the finale. I will say, however, I think they made a mistake with the men. I was excited to WATCH this week's finale- what a lovely surprise to see some of the best dances from last season, which was woefully ignored during last week's 100th episode celebration. Did anyone else think that some of the dancers were a touch rusty when re-dancing old favorites? I remember Mercy being so much tighter... and, well, Twitch actually dancing in it. Same with Joshua and Chelsea's tango- the steps just weren't as tight. The only dance that had the same impact was Bleeding Love... so I included the performance from last year here.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

More To Love: A Big Girl's Look at the Fat People Bachelor

While I got sucked in by the British Bachelor (that accent!), I've never been a huge fan of dating shows. My tastes in the reality genre tend to the dance and cooking competitions (Hell's Kitchen! FTW!) Despite my usual disdain for the genre, I was pumped for Fox's premiere of it's new "Bachelor for Big Folks", More To Love. I watched this show last night determined to discover exactly why I despised it. Full disclosure: I am shamefully, sheepishly hooked.

Perhaps my enjoyment of the show stems from the fact that I find it refreshing that there's a reality show about plus size people that is not a weight loss competition, but I found myself enjoying More To Love.

There's an air of tastefulness to the show... well, as much tastefulness as a reality dating show can muster. I am consistently amazed at the lengths people will go to in order to get on tv; 20 women attempt to generate enough lusty feelings for one man to have them spouting such vapidity as "I could really marry this man!" after about one hour in his presence. Are you really that desperate for love? Or desperate for the innate approval that comes from the attention you derive as a reality tv star? (I think it's the second one!)

There is definitely a train wreckiness to the show: height and weight are listed for each woman (and Luke, our schlubby bachelor) along with age and career. In the same breath with which I was damning the producers for exploiting these poor women, I also found myself comparing my own stats to theirs. (Brilliant marketing tool? I THINK YES!) There was the typical "shameless attention grab" in which one of the girls artlessly jumped in the pool fully clothed, as well as two sleaze-out "gimme a kiss" seduction moments (one such attempt mounted while Luke had another girl sitting next to him on the couch. AWKWARD). Finally, previews for future episodes feature plenty of hefty hanky-panky scenes, as well as what looks to be a fairly delicious girl-fight, complete with battery by floral arrangement. Count me in!

What I appreciate about the show is the candid nature with which the girls speak and behave. While some viewers were undoubtedtly turned off by the admittedly obvious pity editing, watching these girls support each other on body image (bonding over mutual enjoyment of Spanx!), throw up the armor in the face of rejection, and light up when given diamond rings- this show's "rose ceremony" trinket- only to appear so dejected when told they had to give them back for the ceremony (indian giver!!) hits a little TOO close to home for this single, zaftig blogger.

This show is NOT revolutionizing the world view on body image. But it is a show enjoyable, at least in its premiere, for it's mindful portrayal of the "average" American.

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Why Yes, That Is Jon Hamm and I.

Sharing a lovely drink, discussing how awesome my dress is, and that it is, in fact, possible to float by a bar stool. What's that? You'd like to join us? By all means. Mad Men Yourself here.

Birv's New Favorite Show

Seriously, it's not even on tv yet and I love everything about this show. Be advised, Glee Clubbers... they moved the premiere up to September 9th. I am already planning my tv calendar... there's a ton of new shows premiering this fall...(Eastwick, Glee, Community, Vampire Diaries, The Beautiful Life, Flashfoward), PLUS all my returning shows (House, Chuck, So You Think You Can Dance, Castle I caved, Gossip Girl), I'm not sure how I'm going to fit all of them in. Seriously, this is why I don't have cable...I don't think it would be possible to add more channels in.

My god, I am a loser.

Anyway, proving that I have more in common with 14 year old girls than most, I am also totally geeking out about the news in HitFix that the cast of Glee will have a 12 city, 10 day tour (10 city, 12 day? I've seen both...) to Hot Topic stores around the nation. Don't think I'm not going. Hiding in the back and pretending I stumbled upon it while shopping at some really grown up store like Tiffany's, maybe, but I'll be there. "Oh me? I was just here for some more diamonds. How lovely to see the cast of Glee. Charming, charming."

Is It a Fetish?

I'm not sure why it's listed in the Obituaries section, because it doesn't appear as though the guy (or anyone else) died, but check out what was in the Chicago Sun-Times today:
He 'really likes to be around glasses'

July 28, 2009

An Illinois man is accused of stealing more than $45,000 worth of glasses from Milwaukee-area stores because he enjoys being around eyewear.
Prosecutors say Jerry Lowery, 38, walked into three shops between April and July and said he had a gun. They say he took more than 500 pairs. The criminal complaint quotes him as saying he "really likes to be around glasses." AP
Well. Why the hell not? It's always good to have a choice.

Monday, July 27, 2009

Is This His Newman's Own?

The sunscreen is real, and is evidently Will Ferrell's contribution to charity... proceeds go to Cancer for College.

Buy it here on


I've totally gone off beef jerky.

Saturday, July 25, 2009

I Swear This Drives By BFF's Neighborhood

This is a wedding invitation! Adorable.

It's Definitely Tim Burton-y

Anyone else a little sad that Tim Burton has such a hard-on for CGI these days? The magic of Edward Scissorhands and Beetlejuice was that they were surreal and dark with a minimum of film fakery.

I'm not saying I won't go see it, but I think the live action Alice in Wonderland standard was set with the 1985 made for TV. You know, the one where Carol Channing turns into that freaky-ass goat.

Pretty Fly for a White Wedding (see what I did there??)

It took me several minutes to realize that the bridal party ran to the back and danced to the front again, and it wasn't 40 different bridesmaids and groomsmen.

While I question the auspiciousness of walking down the aisle to a Chris Brown song (!), these people seem like good times. That reception was likely a blast.

Thursday, July 23, 2009

BFF and Birv Are TOTAL Trendsetters

Personally, I think our Twi-wear (above) is way cuter, but is it wrong of me to kind of want Nordstrom's Twilight-inspired jacket?

Personally, I think they could have done better (and classier) by expanding this idea; film-inspired clothes (perhaps that suit the super duper hot Edward cutout is wearing?), not "Team Edward" shirts undoubtably cheaper at (and better suited for) Hot Topic. Then again, the North Shore New Trier Twi-hards wouldn't be caught dead there.

Check out InStyle's preview of the line here: it hits stores in October.

When Zombies Daaaaance

The dance starts at 5:01... the ONLY copy I could find thus far. I hereby stand corrected on Jason. Maybe it was just Caitlin that was holding him back, because he's impressed the heck out of me the last two weeks... especially in this number. J'ADORE.

Anyone else think they could have whittled this episode down to an hour? Four judges, four dances for each dancer... lots of patter from Cat Deeley- I'm thinking we could have cut out the entire first half and had a better show. It was a ballroom heavy set last night... and boy were the ballrooms almost universally boring. I am typically a fan of ballroom, but it seems that Melanie LaPatin and Tony Meredith were stuck in 1st gear last night... every single dance of the THREE they choreographed was slower than molasses.

I fear for Evan... when the judges ignore your style and begin talking about the fact that you are a poster child for "not everyone has to be a sex bomb", you know you're in trouble. As for the ladies... it's a tough call! Melissa, who I thought would probably be sent home due to her lack of following, ripped the judges panel (and me) to shreds last night with the cancerdance. I defy you not to cry when you watch it. SO... will she win sympathy votes for the cancer scarf?

If she does, my original top four, Janette, Jeanine, Brandon and Ade is unlikely to stand. What did you all think? Was the first half necessary? Did you fall prey to cancerdance emotional manipulation? Was there a point in having Ellen DeGeneres guest judge? Who's going home tonight? HOW ARE THEY GOING TO FIT IT ALL IN ONE HOUR?

Tuesday, July 21, 2009


I Am, Indeed, Workin' My Merkin

Someone bought a Merkin Mug! Who was it?? Because I love you the most now... and if you aren't in some way related to me, you may be getting a little tongue action- a whole $1.20 worth, because that's how much I earned. Whee!
Visit my store here.
I have lots to post, but shockingly, I've been busy! When did I become so popular? I wonder if I could turn my apartment into a hermitage. I'd have to get my internet to work there first, though.

Thursday, July 16, 2009

What Really Happened to Mr. Willoughby

I have Pride & Prejudice & Zombies at home, a find of BFF's, my natural source for all things zombie. I have yet to read it, but I am going to blindly walk right out to the edge of this limb and say it'll be awesome.

I think if you're going to have a niche, Quirk Books and their offshoot Quirk Classics, the publisher of P&P&Z and now Sense & Sensibility & Sea Monsters have dead on.

Visit their website here.

So You Think You Can Dance!

Oh Kupono. I REALLY wish you hadn't kinda sucked it up in your Paso Doble. You should be naked all the time, and I'm worried you're going home.

Jason redeemed himself for me, despite the fact that he feels the need to genuinely make out with every partner he has (remember that crappy Bollywood in the first episode?). He and Jeanine really did well with Travis' contemporary, so he's slightly redeemed.

Top dances of the night for me- Ade and Janette (I voted for you Janette!), above, and the Bollywood girls group dance, below. I also enjoyed the Hair tribute Melissa and Brandon did, though at the end they got so overwhelmed with fog you couldn't see them anymore. Also- I can't hear The Age of Aquarius without thinking of Steve Carell. Anyone else?

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

I'm Officially Old

Does anyone else find themselves worrying about the girl in this ad campaign by American Apparel? I'm worried she's either unwittingly found herself in casting couch porn (' I have to?' 'You wanna get into show business, don't ya?') or getting "sexted", as the kids say these days, all across her high school.
Either way, it makes me shudder.

Spontaneous Public Dancing in Sweden!!

Their camera work sucks... which explains why I've never heard of a popular Swedish movie. But if there is public dancing to be had, Birv is posting it!!

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Yikes... Know When to Give Up

According to the Daily Mail, this woman, Jenny Brown, is trying to have a baby through invitro fertilization. She's 72. So when her kid is heading off to college, she'll be NINETY YEARS OLD.

Guess she's trying to give Madonna a run for her money as scariest bat-winged dusty mummy monster mother. ZING!

But Should I Wear Them to Opening Night?

Today's questionable product is actually a CRAFT more than a product, as they aren't for sale... Golden Snitch pasties (from the world of Harry Potter)!
Could anything be more appropriate for a midnight premiere? I THINK NOT!!
Check them out on Craftster, though sadly, inexplicably, there isn't a How-To on this HOW TO website.

Saturday, July 11, 2009

I Know What Everyone's Getting For Christmas...

Attention to all those who recall the drunken rants of my birthday party... I have created the Merkin Shirt.

Buy it here on Zazzle... I ACTUALLY get a royalty for creating this awesome shirt every time someone buys one. Also- it looks better on the link.

Ooh La La!

Yeah, they're BOTH totally checking her out. Rock on with your bad self, Obama! Ps... anyone else think Sarkozy is the least French-sounding name ever?

Thursday, July 9, 2009

I'll Give It Two Years Before You Totally Regret This.

I'll bet $50 this girl dreams of the day she meets Robert Pattinson, not realizing that instead of causing him to profess undying love, it causes him to get a restraining order.
Geekologie has a whole gallery of Twi-tats... check it out. It makes me really sad.

Randi & Evan Are Toast.

It pains me to say it... but Randi and Evan's Samba? Kind of painful to watch. I think it should be Caitlin and Jason (I hate them!!). However, they were solid this week- Jason only mugged to the camera during his dance once, and for the first time this season, Caitlin actually had to rely on her dancing and not her gymnastics to get through a routine. The reason I think they should be booted is that they are one of a million contemporary dancers, and middling ones at best... especially when compared to Brandon, Kayla and Jeanine. The contemporary they did was good, but BORING.

Favorite dance of the night? Kayla and Kupono's, above. I cried... and watched it a couple of times. I was surprised that the judges seemed so lackluster about it- perhaps because it was such a painful subject? Anyone else surprised that they didn't take the chance to leap on Kupono's rehearsal breakdown, and the fact that he was so clearly barely holding it together during the critique?

How about Brandon and Janette, eh?? The Wade Robson piece below was one of two dances I rewound and watched again (the other being Kayla and Kupono's up above)... and that Argentine Tango was flawless!!

Cat-Fish is going to be mad at me, but Melissa and Ade didn't really blow my skirt up this week... despite the fact that the judges practically laid down at their feet. Then again, the judges pretty much found something to like about every single dance last night (with the exception of Kayla and Kupono's dances, as well as Randi and Evan's sizzleless Samba)- it was like watching week 1 all over again. Is it because they're splitting everyone up next week? Swan song praise?

What do you guys think? Did last night's show finally pay off in the dance department? Finally stop being boring? Do you think every single dance deserved to be told it was "AMAZING" and "SO STRONGLY DANCED"?

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Stop Motion Magic

Wow! WOW! Heartwarming. Apparently, also a bit of a ripoff of Stop Motion with Wolf and Pig, below. Yeah, I see the similarities. Since when is it inappropriate for advertising firms to copy true art?

I'm all for it, I say!

Info for The PEN Story... it took 60,000 pictures and 1800 reshoots. Amazing.

ZOMG Could There Really Be a Renesmee On the Way?

According to Australia's New Weekly (because Australia has its thumb on the pulse of pop culture), Kristen Stewart got knocked up by Robert Pattinson.
An "insider" quoted by Australia's New Weekly says, "When [Stewart] worked out she was late, she obviously started to thinking that she could be pregnant. And because of the timing, she thinks Rob could be the father."
The gossip mag also reports she had a friend buy a home pregnancy test for her, and that she is "very nervous about the whole situation."
While there's a part of me that hopes they're getting it on like rabbits in a Sybaris... Australia is breaking this story? Really?

I love how they state that she thinks Rob could be the father... like she's the biggest slut to hit the streets since Jenna Jameson.

Now if you'll all excuse me, I'm late for my meeting with the Pope. He's marrying Bradley Cooper and I this weekend, after which Braddles and I will fly away on the wings of a pegasus to dine on raindrops and cotton candy at the top of a rainbow. Lots to plan! Kisses!

Via New York Daily News.

Thursday, July 2, 2009

Check Out This Shirt!

Seriously... check out this shirt at Woot.

Sis in Law Asked: "WTF Is the Hot Tamale Train?"

Dancing starts at 2:43. I have a hard time saying this was my favorite dance of the night; unlike the last seasons of So You Think You Can Dance, nothing's really jaw-droppingly good. Or perhaps it's because this season's dancers are at such a level of amazing (outside of Jason and Caitlin- honestly, what do the judges see in these two that I don't?) that nothing really stands out.

But I have to say- Sonya's choreography is dark and broken, and I like that she challenges dancers not to be "pretty". Plus, it's to a zeigeisty Twilight so knew I would post it.

Sidenote: Does anyone else find it suspicious that Philip and Jeanine got a SECOND hip hop routine in 4 weeks? Also that the lone ballerina on the show drew the show's first ever classical pas de deux this week? Random drawing for dance style? I think not.

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Michael Jackson Has Taken Over the World

So there's very little to discuss today. My pea-brained attention span is over it.

However, I do know where you can find some free medical equipment on Craigslist. Centrifuge, anyone? I bet you can use it like the Gravitron for your hamster...

Sorvall Centrifuge (Near Cook County Hospital)

Reply to: [Errors when replying to ads?]Date: 2009-07-01, 10:34AM CDT

This Sorvall Centrifuge is in excellent operating condition. It is approximately 3 feet deep, 3 feet wide and 3 feet high. You must transport it away. It is very heavy and needs to be out of its current location by 3 p.m. Saturday. The sooner, the better. If interested, please email your phone number to work out logistics.

Location: Near Cook County Hospital

it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

PostingID: 1248569421