Thursday, February 26, 2009
I know the Daily Mail has a journalistic brain the approximate size of a walnut, but I absolutely DETEST the use of a fat suit. It is incredibly insulting to think that because one walked around in a pillow all day that they understand what it is like to be obese.
While I will discuss whether these pioneers find any true insight to the social factors of corpulence, I want to first discuss the physical reality of obesity. Zipping up a padded suit doesn't add the extra pressure to joints and organs that true weight produces. Being fat is uncomfortable... a situation that Faithfull seems unable to realize:
When I zip up the fat suit in front of the mirror at home the day before the shows, I feel absurdly comfortable, warm and snuggly. It is on loan from fancy dress shop Angels, who usually lend it to am-dram productions...It feels as cosy (and as hot) as being wrapped in a duvet.
Being fat is not just like being swathed in a Snuggie. Fat is a PART of you, not something that one sheds at the end of the day like a winter coat.
The effect, though, is very soft and sexy. There are no rolls of wobbly flesh: my stomach is gently rounded and my magnificent bosom looks like something you’d want to rest your head on and fall asleep in for 100 years.
This is one of my true problems with fat suits- the results are not realistic. You're walking around in a pillow... things stay perky and fluffed out. Fat has weight... and things droop, sag and roll. A woman donning a fat suit is not spending hours in front of a mirror contemplating whether the material of her shirt is too thin because her belly button is casting a shadow, or whether she needs to buy a different dress because this one shows her back fat.
Being overweight is insidious- something that someone deals with over time. As such, so many of the judgments are internal: am I the biggest person in the room? Will I fit in the seat next to that person on the train? I am so busy scrutinizing myself that the supposedly "shocking" revelations about how the general public treats fat people is surprisingly not on my mind the majority of the time. I have, indeed, never noticed someone snickering as I reached for the Pringles. I don't mean to say it hasn't happened, but I have to live my life every day looking the way I do; if I kept an ear open for every comment, or watched for every gawker, I'd never be able to leave the house.
I often suspect that the treatment that fat-suiters often receive is because they are so clearly playing a part; humans are fairly adept at sniffing out trickery (for all that Howie Mandel says otherwise), and I feel that this is what people often respond to. We must also remember that these primetime specials and articles are edited to include the most abhorrent behavior that the journalist received, and as such, we may only be seeing the two or three ignorant jackasses that exist. We may also never know if these cads were provoked... this is an age of ratings and rampant yellow journalism after all. Which brings us back to the Daily Mail's attempt at social experiments:
As I wait in the busy queue for the show, surrounded by hundreds of air kisses that aren't aimed at me, I feel everyone's eyes upon me. But when I try to make eye contact and smile back, the wall of pupils fixed on me roll away. I am the elephant in the room. Do they think that fat is catching?
But maybe I'm imagining the way these people stare and then look into the middle distance just beyond my left ear. 'No,' says Nick, the photographer I've brought with me. 'Everyone is definitely gawping at you.'
Of course they're gawping at you... this is the most ridiculously fake looking fat suit I've ever seen. Not only is your face so normally sized that you look like a bloated tick, but you can see the lines of your padding. If they were staring at anything, they were wondering why you were in costume. You're also wearing the most hideous combination of 80's colors I can imagine.
What is the goal of these fat suit exposes? Are these people trying to break ground here? What ugliness of the human condition are they shedding light on, cruelty or obesity? The reality is that what it's really like being fat is lost on reporters that take a tour in a fat suit, because at the end of the day, these bright, successful thin people go back to their ordinary lives.
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Happy Birthday to my oldest friend (not by age, but by number of years knowing you), KT. In honor of our 27 (!) years of knowing each other... I wanted to post a video from our past that haunts me.
It's also the reason that to this day, I can only count to 12.
Monday, February 23, 2009
While I am beyond impressed at her cavalier attitude towards GETTING SHOT IN THE HEAD, I think my favorite part of this newscast is the segment caption behind the reporter... "unbeWEAVEable!"
Friday, February 20, 2009
Angry Alien Productions makes me smile. REALLY makes me smile... although you can't embed all of their best 30 Second Bunnies... such as the Twilight and Star Wars ones. How can I look funny through the use of other people's creativity without an embed code??!?!
Oh I missed you guys. I have so much to tell from my vacation (Creation Museum? Holy Crap.), but as I am still collecting my thoughts (and pictures), that'll have to wait. Until then, as you may or may not know, it's Fashion Week in New York... which means that the ridiculous are on parade. For your enjoyment, I trolled through New York Magazine's Fashion section, and picked out a few of my favorites. The couture shows are typically more...absurd, but there were some stand outs from the RTW shows.
I realize I probably should have credited the designers here, but I didn't really think about that until it was way, WAY too late to go back and find them all. So they can suck it.
Just in time for Mardi Gras.
Monday, February 16, 2009
Sometimes you find the best things in the oddest places. Who would have thought I would have found an early birthday present for KT while spending time in Cincinnati?? I was too excited about sharing this to wait until I came back to post it. The world needs... a disturbingly blonde Paul Rudd kicking some robot tail.
IMDB lists this film with about 7 different titles, but my personal favorite is Jackie Chan presents: Metal Mayhem... particularly because Jackie Chan makes no appearance whatsoever. Perhaps he was in the first one (this is a sequel, after all). Don't ask me why Paul Rudd felt it was a good career move to do a sci-fi/lung-fu crossbreed, he seems to have had steady work.
Happy early birthday, KT, and know that this comes from a place of love.
Thursday, February 12, 2009
As Amy Winehouse is still off shooting up in a hotel room in St. Lucia and Britney Spears' dad is still crushing up her lithium and baking it into her food, Joaquin Phoenix remains insane for our entertainment purposes, and is promoting his new, "final" film, Two Lovers, co-starring Gwyneth Paltrow.
Phoenix appeared on The Tonight Show last night, and David Letterman seems clearly befuddled by Phoenix's homage to a weird mix of Bill Murray, Andy Kaufman and the guy who begs for change at the Irving Park exit of 90/94. I still don't get why people are laughing, but I suppose it's better than 10 minutes of a stony-faced audience. It's the same reason people laugh at funerals, I guess. I'm almost beginning to wonder if some of this absurdity stems from Phoenix just not wanting to promote this film...or wanting to, if you think that crazy press is good press. Just remember, JP, faking your own death is a crime, so think about that before you decide to end your "rapumentary" by overdosing on a mix of heroin and Thorazine.
Skip to about 8:29 to see Joaquin Phoenix start swearing at Paul Shaffer. Let this be a lesson: I would think twice about laughing at him... he may set the birds that live in his beard on you.
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
From living statues to actors to musicians, I am amazed at people that are able to perform, in any way, in any form, and particularly when they are busking. Big Bro gave me a cd called Street Dreams, which is a recording of various street performers, and it is one of my favorite cd's.
The above is from a documentary along similar lines that will be releasing in April 21st: Playing for Change: Peace Through Music. It's a little long at over 5 minutes for those of us with ADD, but it is a beautiful rendition of one of my all time favorite songs, Stand By Me, by street performers and "spontaneous live performances" around the world, so it held my attention.
Here's some information on what this documentary is all about, and how you can contribute.
http://playingforchange.com/ - From the award-winning documentary, "Playing For Change: Peace Through Music", comes the first of many "songs around the world" being released independently. Featured is a cover of the Ben E. King classic by musicians around the world adding their part to the song as it travelled the globe. This video and "Don't Worry" will be available at iTunes 1.27.09 while other songs such as "One Love" will be released as digital downloads soon; followed by the film soundtrack and DVD in stores on 4.21.09.
Pre-order the CD/DVD "Playing For Change" Songs Around The World" now at amazon.com!http://www.amazon.com/Playing-Change-...
Order the "Stand By Me" and "Don't Worry" now at itunes!http://itunes.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewAlbum?id=302032891&s=143441Sign up at http://www.playingforchange.com/ for updates and exclusive content.
Join the Movement to help build schools, connect students, and inspire communities in need through music.
Monday, February 9, 2009
Sunday, February 8, 2009
I find several songs via television and commercials, a fact for which Big Bro and Sis-In-Law often mock me (despite the fact that Big Bro found Jamie Lidell through a Target ad, but whatever). The fact remains that you can find some incredible artists this way- it is someone's kick-ass JOB to find fresh artists to impact the viewing public emotionally.
Saturday, February 7, 2009
"There is nobody that has heard that tape that is hit harder by it than me. I make no excuses for it. It is inexcusable. I hope that that is absolutely clear."
"I'm embarrassed by it. I ask everybody to sit down and ask themselves, have they ever had a bad day and have they ever lost their temper and really regretted it immensely."
"Feel free to make fun of me at my expense; I deserve it completely."
to this for a movie role puts a lot of unhealthy effort into his craft. It makes me wonder what we ask of actors, and the mindset that these people have. Can someone that does this fully function without a role to play? Did I just go way deep over my obsession with Hollywood crazies?
The birthday punches are flying for Mr. Artiste, husband of loyal reader Mrs. Artiste. In honor of last night's manly festivities, I supply you with Old Timey Star Wars.
Happy Slappy Birthday, and I hope I didn't make an ass of myself at your party. whee!
PS- I need to come up with better blog names for you. suggestions?
Normally, through the wonder of Facebook, one can reconnect with a minimum of awkward questions about how you tracked them down. Sadly, this friend is apparently some sort of interwebs luddite without a Facebook account.
She is, however, a regular player at the Beverly Center for the Arts, which is where our fair tale begins. I discovered this because I used my amazing powers of information gathering (Google)... and learned that you can contact the Beverly Theater Guild via email. So, in possibly the most creepy thing I've ever done in my life, I sent the following email:
This is a totally weird and potentially stalkerish sounding email, but I used to work with [OLD FRIEND] about 7 years ago, and I lost touch with her. She was a great friend, and I’ve missed her, and saw her listed for The Full Monty, and I was wondering if you could give her my contact information!
I would greatly appreciate it.
UGH. How creepy is that? I didn't sign it Birv. It probably would have been more awesome/creepy if I had. I will keep that in mind for the next time I decide to stalk someone.
Details about whether my stalking was successful to come.
Thursday, February 5, 2009
"Both Rowling and Meyer, they’re speaking directly to young people. ... The
real difference is that Jo Rowling is a terrific writer and Stephenie Meyer
can’t write worth a darn. She’s not very good."
"People are attracted by the stories, by the pace and in the case of Stephenie
Meyer, it’s very clear that she’s writing to a whole generation of girls and
opening up kind of a safe joining of love and sex in those books. It’s exciting
and it’s thrilling and it's not particularly threatening because they’re not
overtly sexual. A lot of the physical side of it is conveyed in things like the
vampire will touch her forearm or run a hand over skin, and she just flushes all
hot and cold. And for girls, that’s a shorthand for all the feelings that
they’re not ready to deal with yet."
We all know that I live for the day where I am a part of something like this, so let's just discuss the spasms of delight I'm having right now.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
“I would say the people who said that this is all a hoax are clearly somebody
who is an old friend, or somebody that I worked with on music,” Phoenix
responded. “I’ve worked with a lot of people on music in the past, and often
times those things don’t work out. Sometimes you have some bad blood between
people, and that’s all that I imagine where it comes from.”
He also expressed an interest in getting actor Dermot Mulroney to guest on his
album (”He’s an amazing cellist”), which would officially be the weirdest cameo
in rap history. Phoenix thus far has 10 songs for his album, but admitted,
“Three of them I think are really good, including one called ‘Can I Get a
Refund?’ and one called ‘If You’re Going to San Francisco.’ The others I think
are pretty crap but I’ll work on them.”
Keep in mind, though, that even Phoenix’s interview was filmed by two cameras,
including one that was being held by actor Casey Affleck, Phoenix’s
brother-in-law that is filming Joaquin’s pursuit of a rap career for a
So I mentioned watching House via Hulu.com last night, and someone asked me what Hulu was. Through divine intervention, I saw the Hulu.com Super Bowl ad for the very first time last night... and it made me laugh like a little girl. Watch, enjoy, understand the wonder of Hulu.com
Did that qualify as an advertisement? I don't know. Maybe they'll pay me. Hooray for HULU!
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Thusly, hooray for the return of Chuck last night!! Monday night at 7 pm is a traffic jam of awesomeness for Birv (House, Chuck, Gossip Girl, Superstars of Dance), and it causes me to have heart palpitations. How do I choose what to watch? I can only tape two shows on my TiVo!!! Chuck won out last night, as it had been off the air since the week before Christmas. Gossip Girl won out last night... well, just because (teacher/student sexytime? I'm totally watching). I figured I could Hulu House.
There were some notably giggle-inducing moments last night on Chuck: a few Arrested Development references (NO TOUCHING!) thanks to Tony Hale's winning guest spot as assistant manager of the BuyMore; Chuck being manhandled by some literal femme fatales (can you show someone's wang being groped on network tv?? Apparently you can).
However, the show wasn't really what I wanted to discuss here. Can we discuss why 3D camerawork gets trolled out every few years? From the recent (Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix) to the old (Ewoks: The Battle for Endor you know you remember it), 3D TV never, ever works... it just looks like everything is slightly out of focus. I spent most of last night's episode of Chuck thinking that my new glasses were the wrong prescription.
I'm no fan of stunt casting (take note, 30 Rock... no more Jennifer Aniston guest spots), and I can now definitively say that I'm no fan of stunt camera work. Let a show stand on it's own merit. Chuck is an entertaining, cleverly written show. It doesn't need stunts for ratings. Airing an episode in 3D is stupid. Who the hell has 3D glasses sitting around their house?
Sidenote- I never realized how scary Ewoks really were.
This is very, VERY NSFW, if your boss has issues hearing the F Bomb being dropped 40 times in over 3 minutes. Apparently, last summer Christian Bale was feeling the creative groove on the set of Terminator: Salvation when the director of photography walked through the scene. Angry tantrums ensued. After careful consideration, I still think he's hot.
Link to the FoxNews story here... though you can listen to the rant above.
Monday, February 2, 2009
"My wife's now a movie producer so I read a lot of scripts and I'm really
passionate about films," Astley said in a recent interview. "One day I thought,
'Well, why don't I write one?' And it turned into a musical – but not for the
Meanwhile, grandma said she is at the home they share in Whittier, taking
care of Nadya's other six other children, ages 2 to 7. And she has a message for
her daughter: When you get home, it's bye-bye, baby. "I'm going to be gone,"
says Angela. ... Nadya Suleman's "obsession" with children, says her mother, caused Angela to seek help from a therapist, who told her to ask her daughter to leave the house. But Angela backed down. "I didn't want to throw her out," she says.
And yet... he admitted to it. Here he is, from the Associated Press:
"I engaged in behavior which was regrettable and demonstrated bad judgment,"
Phelps said in the statement released by one of his agents. "I'm 23 years old
and despite the successes I've had in the pool, I acted in a youthful and
inappropriate way, not in a manner people have come to expect from me. For this,
I am sorry. I promise my fans and the public it will not happen again."
News flash- Michael Phelps also hangs out in Vegas strip clubs, drinks booze, and totally takes advantage of the scads of pussy his fame grants him. *GASP!* Come on. He's 23. Would you any different? Especially if, for the first time in your young life, you went from being "that dorky dude with the Dumbo ears that never leaves the pool" to being the supreme god of all things athletic?
If you want to be a bastion of morality and eliminate people that have ever rocked the ganj from your life- you would have to remove the president from office, stop watching TV, throw out all your books and delete every single song from your iPod that you've ever listened to.
The real crime here? That Michael Phelps didn't appear to understand what the bright flashy thing was that went off in the hand of the weird guy that ran away shouting "Yes!!! CHACCHHHINGGGG!!"