An illustrated transcript of a text conversation between BFF and I:
Birv: Blech. Sometimes I just wish I had someone that followed me around and gave me manly, reassuring hugs. I need one today!
BFF: Me too! Who would you hire?
Birv: Good question! Definitely someone older... for some reason this brand of hug needs to have some manly experience behind it. I'd vote either Jon Hamm or Nathan Fillion. You?
BFF: I love Nathan. But I got to go with my heart on this and say Scooby Douche. Those arms would pop a baby like a balloon.
(Scooby Douche is the one on the right. He is on Ghost Hunters. I do not know his actual name. BFF, despite vowing to marry him someday, doesn't either.) CORRECTION: Scooby Douche is on Ghost Adventures...(Not having cable, and knowing there are 700,000 paranormal shows on those reality channels, I was forced to choose one...mainly because I am lazy and opening a separate web page to Google the real name would just be so. much. work.) Cat-fish has become even more awesome in my eyes with her knowledge of the stupid crap that I fill my days with- thank you for making me not feel like a total loser by knowing who I am talking about!
Birv: I bet he smells like Calvin Klein Obsession and Strawberry protein smoothie.
BFF: Yes! And hair salon.
Birv: New game! What do our favorite men smell like? Alexander Skarsgaard. Go.
BFF: Leather! And musk. NPH!
Birv: White tic tacs, fresh baked bread and magic. Joel McHale!
BFF: Mmmmmm! Oatmeal, Abercrombie Woods and whiskey. Obama!
Birv: New books, bonfire and Irish Spring Soap. Puck!
BFF: Suntan lotion, pot and dollar bills. Seth MacFarlane.
Birv: New Car, Colgate and the faintest hint of Acqua di Gio. Joseph Gordon Levitt!
BFF: Spearmint Gum, Cedar and honeysuckle. He has a touch of girly something.
Birv: Agreed. A little something sweet!
BFF: Rick Moranis.
Birv: Old Spice, Coffee and vintage comic book. Bill Murray.
BFF: YES! Especially the coffee! Cold cream, cigarette enhanced tweed and wood shavings. RPatz.
Birv: Stale cigarettes, well-used shoes and laundry that's been left in the washer too long. Zachary Levi!
For the record, this photo is proof that nerds are hot. PHWOAR!