You're a Bitch, Jenny Craig.

Photo On Box:

Real Pizza:

I hate you, Jenny Craig.

It's Gotta Be Like Sitting On Tennis Balls

Because my ass just isn't big enough... I think that it is time to add some fake cushion for the pushin'. Introducing the BOOTYPOP, ladies. And gents, if you feel you need to fill out the back end of your jeans a little better.



No booty-ness has never been a problem for me. I have ass to spare, no matter how many lunges I do/3rd story apartments with no elevators I move into. But (hehe) are the POPS sitting on the top of your cheeks? Is that where you need more butt? On me I'm pretty sure it would just look like I was smuggling cereal bowls.

Gotta say, if you have no booty, I can see the market for these. Here's Birv's Better Idea... make the POPS a place to store things- keys... ID... spare pair of panties for when you get to the home of the gentleman you're trying to woo with your POPPING ass. Speaking of butt-minded men... who snickered at the creepy leering man at the coffee shop in the ad? I did! At least, in my mind, it was a pervert in public, and not a husband disinterested in his flat-assed wife. Disinterested until she added 5 lbs on her rump and nowhere else, that is!! HOTT.

What do these feel like if the creeper grabs them, anyway? I mean, if you're slow dancing (people still do that, right?), and that certain someone wants to pull you in a little closer... what happens?

I love that it's endorsed by Martha Stewart. Never knew she cared about the roundedness of my rump.

CatFish, you and your adorable web-browsing sidekick have made me love again. Hooray blog!! Blogging, hooray!

Happy International Bacon Day!

Today is the day we salute the candy of meat, hot crispy DELICIOUS bacon. That's right, it is officially International Bacon Day today!

How will you celebrate? Cleaning your teeth and stanking your breath with Bacon Floss?

Perhaps reading some Bacon Haikus:

Samuel L. Jackson
Told us he don’t dig on swine
Career has flagged since.

How about becoming a member of the Royal Bacon Society?

Me, I'm tossing on a bacon bra and hitting the town. Stick that in your pan and fry it! No, seriously, I would rather have my bacon bra cooked.

See you at the Golden Nugget for breakfasty delights!

More To Love: A Big Girl's Look at the Fat People Bachelor

While I got sucked in by the British Bachelor (that accent!), I've never been a huge fan of dating shows. My tastes in the reality genre tend to the dance and cooking competitions (Hell's Kitchen! FTW!) Despite my usual disdain for the genre, I was pumped for Fox's premiere of it's new "Bachelor for Big Folks", More To Love. I watched this show last night determined to discover exactly why I despised it. Full disclosure: I am shamefully, sheepishly hooked.

Perhaps my enjoyment of the show stems from the fact that I find it refreshing that there's a reality show about plus size people that is not a weight loss competition, but I found myself enjoying More To Love.

There's an air of tastefulness to the show... well, as much tastefulness as a reality dating show can muster. I am consistently amazed at the lengths people will go to in order to get on tv; 20 women attempt to generate enough lusty feelings for one man to have them spouting such vapidity as "I could really marry this man!" after about one hour in his presence. Are you really that desperate for love? Or desperate for the innate approval that comes from the attention you derive as a reality tv star? (I think it's the second one!)

There is definitely a train wreckiness to the show: height and weight are listed for each woman (and Luke, our schlubby bachelor) along with age and career. In the same breath with which I was damning the producers for exploiting these poor women, I also found myself comparing my own stats to theirs. (Brilliant marketing tool? I THINK YES!) There was the typical "shameless attention grab" in which one of the girls artlessly jumped in the pool fully clothed, as well as two sleaze-out "gimme a kiss" seduction moments (one such attempt mounted while Luke had another girl sitting next to him on the couch. AWKWARD). Finally, previews for future episodes feature plenty of hefty hanky-panky scenes, as well as what looks to be a fairly delicious girl-fight, complete with battery by floral arrangement. Count me in!

What I appreciate about the show is the candid nature with which the girls speak and behave. While some viewers were undoubtedtly turned off by the admittedly obvious pity editing, watching these girls support each other on body image (bonding over mutual enjoyment of Spanx!), throw up the armor in the face of rejection, and light up when given diamond rings- this show's "rose ceremony" trinket- only to appear so dejected when told they had to give them back for the ceremony (indian giver!!) hits a little TOO close to home for this single, zaftig blogger.

This show is NOT revolutionizing the world view on body image. But it is a show enjoyable, at least in its premiere, for it's mindful portrayal of the "average" American.