Bestill My 12 Year Old Heart...

Percy Jackson and the Olympians is a youth book series that I fully enjoy. Yes, I realize that I read more kid's lit than adult lit now (Harry Potter, I blame you), but what's the fun in life if you can't regress?

This movie looks pretty good, but I have a few beefs with it.

A)... Percy Jackson (the kid with the pen) is TWELVE YEARS OLD in the first book. His age plays a pretty significant part in the series plot, so the fact that this young man's testes have undoubtedly descended gives me pause.

B) Steve Coogan is Hades? Boromir is Zeus? Well, Boromir I can handle. (yes yes, Sean Bean, I KNOW his real name)... but Steve Coogan isn't... hmmmm... EVILLLLL enough to be the God of the Dead for me, which is really just a symptom of a larger issue- NONE of the casting looks like I imagined them. I will confess I hold this to the gold standard, Harry Potter, in which most of the characters are realized the way I imagined them back in 2000. Jesus, I'm old.

C) This guy is Ares (who should also have more of a role than "uncredited" suggests). While I expected most of the gods to be, well, older (many are not), this guy? God of War? More like God of Donuts and Looking Sorta Like William Shatner.

I don't know, folks. In a period in which Where the Wild Things Are and the Fantastic Mr. Fox are generating Oscar and nostalgia buzz, could we have given this more effort? Am I overthinking it?

Time to Celebrate!

Today is World Toilet Day!! It sounds funnier than it is. It's actually a day to bring awareness to sanitation problems in Third World countries, blah blah blah.

However, I think we should celebrate our porcelain thrones the American way... binge drinking.

PS... this is the scariest toilet I have ever seen. I would hold it.

It's Here! It's Here! It's Finally Here!!!

09/09/09.... which is exciting, but not as exciting as the premiere of new Glee episodes!!!!! I'm all aflutter.

I have all sorts of posts for Fonzipanners... more tonight, my lovelies!

Happy International Bacon Day!

Today is the day we salute the candy of meat, hot crispy DELICIOUS bacon. That's right, it is officially International Bacon Day today!

How will you celebrate? Cleaning your teeth and stanking your breath with Bacon Floss?

Perhaps reading some Bacon Haikus:

Samuel L. Jackson
Told us he don’t dig on swine
Career has flagged since.

How about becoming a member of the Royal Bacon Society?

Me, I'm tossing on a bacon bra and hitting the town. Stick that in your pan and fry it! No, seriously, I would rather have my bacon bra cooked.

See you at the Golden Nugget for breakfasty delights!

More Questionable Hair Removal Commercials

Oh Gillette. What's your deal? Of course, I sit here writing about it, so I suppose that means you're marketing is totally effective. Sigh. The sacrifices I make as a blogger. At least we have some equality in this ad! It's about time that manscaping was addressed on a wide scale. IT'S APPRECIATED, FELLAS.

Clearly, I took a little bloggy vacation this week (no Dancing Thursdays! gasp!), but I'll make up for it a little today. Lots to post!!!

This Is Not Your Father's Star Trek...

Except it IS, because my dad is just as stupidly excited about the new Star Trek movie as I am. Anyway... check out this lil' Romulan piece of sexy!! She agrees that Fonzipan is the best site she has ever read, but sadly, I couldn't get the widget to embed. So all you get to do is gaze at her loveliness.

Do it Star Trek style and Trek Yourself HERE.

Taking the Metaphors Too Far: Questionable Razor Ads

Ummm...

Think Before You Post

Or your intentions may be misinterpreted...


organ for the taking (Kankakee, IL)

Reply to: sale-vtyjy-1072359441@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]Date: 2009-03-12, 6:26PM CDT

good size organ for the taking, 815 939 7301. as of Sat. March 14 still available. it is not a keyboard. kankakee, IL. I do not have a picture.

Location: Kankakee, IL

it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interestsPostingID: 1072359441

Thanks to the Rarmy of one for finding this gem!!

What Has Two Thumbs and Is Super Excited? THIS GAL!

Loyal Ladies of the Embarrassing Twilight Fandom, as of 12:00 AM March 21 (AKA this Friday/Saturday night), we will be able to feed our need in the relative peace and isolation of our homes.

If you've avoided Twilight thus far because you just couldn't bring yourself to show face at the theater, never fear. Birv will have her copy... probably as of 12:01 AM. You can come over and watch it with me. I'll never tell. Stay tuned for a review of the extra features. I feel obligated.

Photos courtesy of the new issue of GQ. Go see it here.





I won't ask why this picture looks so awkward. I will merely say "oh, to be a glove upon that hand..."

I love Ricky Gervais. I also love Sesame Street. THIS IS HEAVEN!!

Lord but I am a blogging fool today. Did I just admit to loving Sesame Street? I meant when I was 3. I swear.

I Feel Cheated!

Gossip Girl, I'm disappointed in your epic FAIL of a stunt cast!! Last night had Nastia Luikin's big guest spot premiere... and it was literally 12 seconds of air time!! She just walked by Chuck Bass... her only line was a smile and to say "uh huh" at the Snowflake Charity Ball. I expected more from you, GG. I expected her to die in some tragic accident involving Blair in a drunken rage, pushing her off a balcony, or at the VERY least be one of the many Mona Lisa smiling ladies exiting Chuck's room in the morning. But NOOOO... you just have her walk by the camera. LAME.

You should have taken a page from One Tree Hill's book. They stunt casted people's NAMES. Remember when they kept throwing Pete from Fall Out Boy's name into the script? I don't even think he was ever on the SHOW and they managed to do a better job than you. They didn't even use his full name- they just kept calling him Pete from Fall Out Boy!!

Incidentally... Snowflake Charity Ball as the Page Six event of the season for high school seniors?? Hardly! It looked like 40 bored extras badly dancing in a sound stage. Your barwork is usually so much better than this tripe. Where are the hangers on? The velvet ropes? The entrance scenes, showing the un-invited rabble?

I also am perplexed by the "cruel prank" that Jenny pulled on Vanessa (by the way, J's eyeliner is starting to lighten up... back from rebel territory, after all?). Surely your writers could have come up with something better than Vanessa being backlit in a dress with *GASP* no lining! Come on- Britney Spears shows more vag than that while waiting in line at the Starbucks for crying out loud!

I'm feeling underwhelmed, GG. I didn't fight for dual tuner Tivo only to have you get all sweet and moral on me here. Let's do better next week. It DOES look like there's a funeral, and the hint that Chuck may be involved in his father's death, so you're showing some promise... let's not disappoint, ok?