Republicans Are Crazy Lying Liars.

I will fully admit, not all of them. But ad campaigns like Andy Martin's that I heard this morning on WGN make me wonder why anyone would ever want to associate themselves with such a hate-mongering, vile group of people.

Andy Martin, a perennial runner for...well...any political office (this time around the Senate race in Illinois), and the person that started 2008 rumors that Barack Obama was Muslim released a radio spot that had the following words:

"I helped expose many of Barack Obama's lies in 2008. Today, I am fighting for the facts about Mark Kirk. Illinois Republican leader Jack Roeser says there is a 'solid rumor that Kirk is a homosexual'. Roeser suggests that Kirk is part of a Republican Party homosexual club. Lake County Illinois Republican leader Ray True says Kirk has surrounded himself with homosexuals. Mark Kirk should tell Republican voters the truth." Text found on Huffington Post.

Shocked at both the vitriolic content of this message and the dumbass who SOLD AIR SPACE FOR THIS MESSAGE, I almost couldn't believe what I heard... until the announcer who was filling in for Greg Jarrett said something to the effect of "I am not allowed to comment on the political ads WGN runs, no matter how idiotic and vile they may be."

Well. Points to you, guy I can't remember. Bob Sirott, maybe?

In looking for information on this ridiculous political campaigning, I came across a newspiece on ChicagoBreakingNews.com that discusses how Andy Martin was not only "sanctioned in federal court for filing hundreds of lawsuits", but "found unfit to practice law by the Illinois Supreme Court".

I was ready this morning to boycott WGN and their Fox News-like support for the insanity of intolerance, but the article also gives WGN a small break by explaining that it is against federal communications law and FCC rules for political advertising to ban a particular ad.

I guess Freedom of Speech works for the crazytowns too, but jeez.

A Letter to President Obama

Dear Mr. President,

I know you're really busy killing off the nation's grandmas with your devil managed healthcare, but I have to address a matter of greater importance to us both. Barack, your favorite restaurant and mine, The Dixie Kitchen & Bait Shop in Hyde Park, has been torn down. Now, I know they are still open in Evanston and Lansing. But frankly, Evanston for soul food? Really? Please. We both know that's not an option. Also- I don't even know where Lansing is.

I know the Dixie Kitchen means a lot to you, 'Rack (can I call you 'Rack?), since you went on Check, Please! and talked about it. You may have heard the Calypso Cafe next door bought the menu, but I ate there last night, and they're just ruining it. I know you love those Johnnie Cakes. I do too. THEY AREN'T THE SAME. Now they're just pancakes with cornmeal thrown in. No subtlety. I don't even want to try the peach cobbler. It probably has some sort of rum in it now. Stupid Caribbean food.

B.O. (hey, your initials are sort of funny. Did you get made fun of a lot for that? I get that. My initials are BJ, and boy, some of the things I heard! But I digress.), I'm sure you're pretty tied up turning into Hitler with your socialist agenda (which doesn't make sense to me, I mean sure, Nazi has the word 'socialist' in it, but I don't really think you're up for genoci... WHOA. The grannies. Now I see what they mean!). Anywho, since you're the big guy in Washington, I bet you have some pull now. I see this as a matter worthy of the National Guard.

B-Rock, feel free to leave your updates on your progress this matter in the comments. When it's open again, we can go there together to celebrate, and I'll buy you a pulled pork sandwich. Sound good?

Lots of love,

Birv

PS- I voted for you, so I think that I can call in that favor now.

Ooh La La!

Yeah, they're BOTH totally checking her out. Rock on with your bad self, Obama! Ps... anyone else think Sarkozy is the least French-sounding name ever?

A Creepy Tribute

Watch a lot of mid-morning television? Have $149 you want to throw in the toilet? Really dig porcelain figurines? Trying to figure out SOME WAY to prove your love for the First Lady? Look no more. The Danbury Mint will solve all of these conundrums in one fell swoop, with the Michelle Obama Inaugural Doll.

Standing at 16 inches and fully poseable (though those arms will look weird doing anything else), Michelle will be a lovely addition to your dust-collecting group of eerily realistic dolls. If you want this, I will bet that you have a Princess Diana Engagement Plate laying around somewhere in your home.

That's a Weirdly Specific Job.

Remember how I was all upset about House and what will heretofore be known as "That Stupid Suicide Episode" yesterday? No? Let me recap.

Fox touted Monday's show as "the one episode that comes along every season that BLOWS YOUR MIND." I hate when networks advertise like this. Do people really fall for it? It's as bad as when every single Law & Order was "RIPPED FROM THE HEADLINES".

So anyway, one of the new doctors randomly shot himself. At the end of the episode there was a Public Service Announcement type message "if you are considering suicide, call this number", which is frankly, completely un-House. It could only have been made worse if they made Hugh Laurie narrate it. Actually, I hope they asked and he told them to pound sand.

Making it even worse... the House website has an honest to god memorial to the character. Not the actor, the character. Obviously, House watchers are drooling simpletons that can't distinguish between reality and television.

Way to go, Fox. It's situations like this that cause fairy godmothers to curse children.

ANYWAY...apparently there was a need to get Kumar off the show rather sharpish, because he's joining the Obama Administration. NPR reports:

Actor Kal Penn has been named to an Obama administration liaison post that connects the Executive Branch to people in the entertainment industry and Asian-Pacific groups. Penn is best known for his portrayal of Kumar in the stoner films Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle and Harold and Kumar Escape From Guantanamo Bay. He was most recently in the Fox TV drama House.

So I guess kudos to him... because clearly, this is a man that should hold office.

Show Us Your... OBAMA?!

This was going to be an punditwear post, but then I got to looking at the other types of beads that the MardiGrasOutlet has, and I figured that this is "best of" worthy.

U.S.A. LOVE IT!!! Love it...

Tricky Dick? Gang sign? Pirate?

Sushi. It's sushi!!!! With an elegant touch of pearls between.

I honestly think the hula dolphins are my favorite. Something about a sea-based mammal in a bra...

This tiger is leering so filthily I don't even want to search in his pot o' gold.

La cucaracha...

Who puts boobs on a frog? Why is this erotic?

Disturbing Celebrity Trend

I hate to think that I agree with Ashlee Simpson on ANYTHING. I mean it- if she said that we needed oxygen to survive, I'd try to think of a way to dispute it. However, I do grudgingly agree with what she said on her blog to support Jessica Simpson during the weight gain scandal of 2009:

I am completely disgusted by the headlines concerning my sister's weight. A
week after the inauguration and with such a feeling of hope in the air for our
country, I find it completely embarrassing and belittling to all women to read
about a woman's weight or figure as a headline on Fox News.All women come in
different shapes, sizes, and forms and just because you're a celebrity, there
shouldn't be a different standard.Is this something you would say to your wife,
daughter, mother, grandmother, or even a friend?I seriously doubt it.How can we
expect teenage girls to love and respect themselves in an environment where we
criticize a size 2 figure?Now can we focus on the things that really
matter.

Well played, Milli Vanilli. I almost felt a kernel of respect for you... then I think of how you tried to trap the biggest douchebag to ever leave the midwest by pregnancy. Off it goes!

After further reading on The Superficial (love me!), I am beginning to question the new celebrity trend of using the recent inauguration to slam the morality of newsites and ragmags: Jessica Alba did the same thing on HER blog:

Hey Guys,Jay_eh here. I wanted to share with everyone in the ibeatyou and
MySpace communities my experiences at the inauguration last week, so I put
together a little video.Before I get to the video, I want to clear some things up that have been bothering me lately. I find it depressing that in the midst of perhaps the most salient time in our country's history, individuals are taking it upon themselves to encourage negativity and stupidity. Last week, Mr. Bill O'Reilly and some really classy sites (i.e.TMZ) insinuated I was dumb by claiming Sweden was a neutral country.
I appreciate the fact that he is a news anchor and that gossip sites are
inundated with intelligent reporting, but seriously people...it's so sad to me
that you think the only neutral country during WWII was Switzerland. Check out:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sweden_during_World_War_II if you want to see what I was referring to. I appreciate the name calling and the accurate reporting. Keep it up!!Now on to more important things...like our new President.

You're right. There ARE more important things going on in the world than whether or not you sounded like a complete moron by saying the correct but obscure "Sweden" instead of the pedestrian "Switzerland" cliche when discussing neutrality. Congratulations... you're a wealth of arcane knowledge of WWII political allegiance. However, let's get one thing straight. You are NOT a part of the vast expanse of important historic geopolitical events in the world.

Reality check, you vapid little wastelings- the insignificant details about your life (i.e. your weight, your nose jobs and your utter stupidity) are the only reasons you will ever BE newsworthy. No one respects your opinions because of your exceptional work in such weighty
films as The Love Guru and Good Luck Chuck, Alba. Let's not get the impression that just because you voted for Obama you're camped out on a moral high ground. You weren't the only one.

Be glad that someone finds you even remotely interesting enough to give you work, keep your mouths shut, and be thankful for the opportunity.

Ch-Ch-Chohmygod it's a Chia Obama

I love me some tacky Obama memorabilia. This is a great addition... though I would have preferred it if Chia had thought to give you the option to have the herb garden on his head. Then he could be tasty as well as tasteful.

Buy your own here. The website's worth a visit to watch the video to sell the thing too... "Can you grow one? Yes you can."

Obamarama!

Since I watched the Inauguration at work yesterday, I felt bad taking additional time to blog about it... heh. I fell in love when he messed up the oath, I cried, I got chills. I read his Inaugural Address 3 times.

As he begins his first day in the Oval Office, I am filled with hope, pride and confidence, and a realization that his bold message yesterday was not just a bunch of pretty words, but a call to America to act now. His impassioned speech got me to get off my ass and volunteer for the first time in 6 years, and I'm going to get on my soapbox to invite you to do the same. Here is the link to Volunteer Match.org... those that read this blog are pretty lucky to be surrounded by plenty. If you feel inspired, do something about it!

The Man Is Everywhere... including your pants.

As much as I love campaign clothing, how on earth did these pass me by this political season?? New York Daily News reported these Andrew Christian designs in JUNE for heaven's sake! I'm ashamed that I missed these, and I will try to remain abreast of any new pundit wear in the future.

As for the recent Illinois political climate, I am choosing to remain mute, though I will say I that I find it interesting that people seem more taken aback at the blue language of the tapes than the fact the governor (and his wife) were trying to sell a political position.

It's rather like being more upset that there's a bloodstain on the new carpet than the fact that your husband was just murdered.

OBAMA! OBAMA! OBAMA!

"I was brought to read about and remember a time when the political life of the American republic seemed charged with possibility, nuance, complexity, electric contradiction and the dawning of a politics of difference, a new kind of democratic pluralism. The courageous people of the African-American civil rights movement desired and fought for freedom and justice with such ardor that those mighty abstractions, impossibly remote yet essential to life, became imminent, graspable, present in the world."

Above is a quote from Tony Kushner, writing about the political climate he remembers surrounding Kennedy and the civil rights movement of the early 1960's. In light of the election results last night, that same sense of hope and social revolution holds true through electing Barack Obama. This sense of promise and excitement doesn't stem completely from the nation's first black president, though that part of history can't be ignored.

Obama has often been compared to John F. Kennedy, champion of civil rights, and a keystone in enabling last night's results. In listening to the strength, determination and elegance of both men's speeches, that comparison is apt. The comparison between Obama and Kennedy goes deeper than charisma and eloquence. Both men had a sense of decency that seems rare in American politics, a genuine tolerance for everyone. They shared a belief in the American political process as an agent for change, and both men rallied a nation to activism.

Last night, Obama did more than graciously accept the daunting task of reviving this country. Last night's speech was a call to action: "So let us summon a new spirit of patriotism; of service and responsibility where each of us resolves to pitch in and work harder and look after not only ourselves, but each other."

Watching the jubilant crowd in Grant Park, a few short miles away from where I live, I was moved. I believed in the power not only of our new president elect, but of that crowd, 100,000 strong. For today, at least, I believe that we can change this nation together.