ME WANT NOW!!!!!!

So the first Deathly Hallows trailer made me gasp and get chills all over. THIS one literally had me holding the sides of my computer screen with my face two inches away from the monitor. The mirror shard! DOBBY! The beach scene! Nagini the snake! The Lotsa Potters!

This trailer has turned me into Cookie Monster. ME WANT TO SEE NOW!

Don't worry if you have no idea what I'm talking about. I won't give it away. You should have been reading the books this whole time, but now isn't a time for me to judge you. It is time to welcome you into the fold...because if this movie doesn't get you to read the books, nothing will.

Republicans Are Crazy Lying Liars.

I will fully admit, not all of them. But ad campaigns like Andy Martin's that I heard this morning on WGN make me wonder why anyone would ever want to associate themselves with such a hate-mongering, vile group of people.

Andy Martin, a perennial runner for...well...any political office (this time around the Senate race in Illinois), and the person that started 2008 rumors that Barack Obama was Muslim released a radio spot that had the following words:

"I helped expose many of Barack Obama's lies in 2008. Today, I am fighting for the facts about Mark Kirk. Illinois Republican leader Jack Roeser says there is a 'solid rumor that Kirk is a homosexual'. Roeser suggests that Kirk is part of a Republican Party homosexual club. Lake County Illinois Republican leader Ray True says Kirk has surrounded himself with homosexuals. Mark Kirk should tell Republican voters the truth." Text found on Huffington Post.

Shocked at both the vitriolic content of this message and the dumbass who SOLD AIR SPACE FOR THIS MESSAGE, I almost couldn't believe what I heard... until the announcer who was filling in for Greg Jarrett said something to the effect of "I am not allowed to comment on the political ads WGN runs, no matter how idiotic and vile they may be."

Well. Points to you, guy I can't remember. Bob Sirott, maybe?

In looking for information on this ridiculous political campaigning, I came across a newspiece on ChicagoBreakingNews.com that discusses how Andy Martin was not only "sanctioned in federal court for filing hundreds of lawsuits", but "found unfit to practice law by the Illinois Supreme Court".

I was ready this morning to boycott WGN and their Fox News-like support for the insanity of intolerance, but the article also gives WGN a small break by explaining that it is against federal communications law and FCC rules for political advertising to ban a particular ad.

I guess Freedom of Speech works for the crazytowns too, but jeez.

It's Like My Worlds of Awesome Have Collided to Make Me a SUPERWORLD!

This is a flashmob in a Roman shopping center for the release of Glee in Italy. I AM IN LOVE. Glee? Spontaneous public dancing? ITALY?? If they could have somehow thrown Twilight, Lee Pace and baked goods in there, I would have exploded.

Oh, and waited 3 months so I could have born witness in person.

HA! That's What You Get for Wearing That Scary-Ass Mask.

Y'all know how I feel about masks. I could barely stand to post this. But then...

The Double Down... When You've Just Given Up.

Behold the KFC Double Down. Kudos to KFC for taking the FatAss crown from Burger King by openly admitting that bread is for suckers when it comes to making a sandwich. How drunk do you have to be to not be ashamed to order this?

Then again, according to a study I saw on my elevator tv this morning, people that are 80 pounds or more overweight are more likely to die 3-12 years sooner than those of a normal weight. Seriously... look at it here at USA Today. So I'm busting my ass to die at 80 instead of 92.

Screw that noise. It's not like I get to be 22 again... so I miss 12 years of osteoporosis and Medicare. BFD! Double Down... I'm coming for your cheesy embarrassment! Look out!

Image from Food Geekery.com

Destroying Your Dog's Dignity, One Walk at a Time.

Really- should you own a dog in the first place?

Product Site full of helpful FAQ's and excellent grammar here. See below!

Can owner use the "PooTrap" always when walking their dog out?
When dog is having diarrhea, or if the owner just don't feel like taking the "PooTrap" off the dog, feel free to keep the "PooTrap" on the dog.

Petting Is Passe

BAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

I can't even begin to discuss how awesome this woman and her cat are. I lost it when she starts talking about "droolers not being someone that fixes a watch", but I couldn't even watch when she starts singing to that drugged cat.

Is "Twi-Babies: The Animated Series" Cartoon Coming Next?

People.com's StyleWatch is showing us the true extent of Twi-fever... Barbie has now gotten a piece of the pie with Edward and Bella (she kind of just looks like a regular Barbie!) dolls, at $25 a pop, available November 1st. It's like action figures for goth kids! I do like that Ken... er... Edward has the sexhair, although it looks like it's just molded plastic. How are the kiddies going to run their grubby fingers through it?


Emo non-threatening undead love is also low-hanging fruit for Hallmark, who have a series of greeting cards covering all the important vampire holidays... Valentines Day, Halloween (!) and Birthdays.

E! Online shows the line here: please go take a look so you can see "Let's go trick or treating in Forks, Washington! I hear there's a lot of eye-candy there!"

October 16th Can't Come Soon Enough

When wondering aloud why this entire movie seems to be filmed in Sunset-o-vision, my very own mother tossed out a salient point: "Well, the whole book is set at bedtime." Way to get deep and symbolic on us, mom!

I am growing increasingly impatient for this movie to be released. Each preview makes the hairs on my arms stand up and I get a little teary.

Apparently, I'll have to go sans children, as my suggestion that I escort my nieces was served a roundhouse kick to the teeth. Oh well. Who ever wanted to deal with sticky kids in a movie theater anyway?

A Bike Ride With Man's Best Friend

I saw this guy and his pitbull on TMZ last week... and when I looked for the video- saw this longer and far cooler video. Check it out- it fills me with smiles. And the knowledge that Daisy would merely use me as a launching pad to get closer to the squirrels in the trees.

Anyone Else See the Innuendo?

Or am I the only dirty bird?

I love that it's two and a half pounds... you may as well just grab a can of Campbell's and jiggle it around for all the good it'll do. I wonder if the "prestigious California university" would find that effective as well!

Is This His Newman's Own?

The sunscreen is real, and is evidently Will Ferrell's contribution to charity... proceeds go to Cancer for College.

Buy it here on Amazon.com

Yikes... Know When to Give Up

According to the Daily Mail, this woman, Jenny Brown, is trying to have a baby through invitro fertilization. She's 72. So when her kid is heading off to college, she'll be NINETY YEARS OLD.

Guess she's trying to give Madonna a run for her money as scariest bat-winged dusty mummy monster mother. ZING!

I Know What Everyone's Getting For Christmas...

Attention to all those who recall the drunken rants of my birthday party... I have created the Merkin Shirt.

Buy it here on Zazzle... I ACTUALLY get a royalty for creating this awesome shirt every time someone buys one. Also- it looks better on the link.

Stop Motion Magic

Wow! WOW! Heartwarming. Apparently, also a bit of a ripoff of Stop Motion with Wolf and Pig, below. Yeah, I see the similarities. Since when is it inappropriate for advertising firms to copy true art?

I'm all for it, I say!

Info for The PEN Story... it took 60,000 pictures and 1800 reshoots. Amazing.

When Will the Carnage End?

Billy Mays, everyone's favorite emphatic infomercial guru, died yesterday after a Natasha Richardson-style head injury; proving that if god exists, he is vengeful and really wants to make sure that Farrah Fawcett's brave message of hope and strength in the face of cancer is completely overshadowed. (We'll get to her later in the hour.)

RIP, Billy, here's hoping you're hocking KaBoom! to Jesus.

RIP, Michael

Well do we all remember the heyday of MJ... and even though he certainly became the conductor of the crazy train in recent years, Michael Jackson had a profound effect on EVERYONE.

Fonzipan loves dancing, so I want to give him an apt tribute. While the real Thriller video is unable to be embedded... below is my favorite Thriller outside of the real one.

Goodbye Michael, here's hoping you find some peace.

The Comfort Wipe: Because You're a Filthy, Filthy Creature.

Oh, it's real. Check out the Product Site.

I can't imagine that this is all that "ergonomic"... my buttcheeks aren't 4 inches apart. Perhaps that's one of those "disadvantages" of being a big person that dude is talking about? Anyway, you're going to have wedge that thing in there.

Also... what disability do you imagine that classy WASP having that requires her to have someone else wipe her ass?

You Look Stupid: Why You Never Ask for a Tattoo On Your Face.

This is 18 year old Belgian, Kimberley Vlaminck. Kimberley claims she asked for 3 stars on her face, by her eye... which is foolish enough ("Granny? What are those green droopy things on your face?"). This is what she got instead.

According to the Daily Mail, she's trying to sue the tattoo artist, stating that he didn't understand her in English or French:

'I think he didn’t understand what I wanted. He spoke only fractured English and French.
'But I explicitly said in my native tongue, French, and also in a little bit of English when he looked confused, that I wanted three little stars only near my left eye.'

This is key area number one. If someone who's about to needle ink permanently under your skin ever looks confused, stop. Stop right there and draw a picture.

Key area number two:

She claims she fell asleep while he was doing his work... and awoke to 'this nightmare'.
'It is terrible for me,' said Kimberley. 'I cannot go out on to the street, I am so embarrassed. I just look horrible.'

You're a shitty liar, Kimberley. Anyone in the world who's ever had a tattoo will tell you that you aren't asleep... ESPECIALLY IF YOU'RE GETTING A NEEDLE STUCK REPEATEDLY IN YOUR FACE. If you did fall asleep, you shouldn't have eaten that Space Cake.

The tattoo artist basically called her out on her shenanigans, saying she was awake for the whole thing and looked in the mirror several times. Sounds like SOMEONE got busted by her parents for being a moron.

My Favorite of the Week: So You Think You Can Dance! (Surprise, it wasn't the Bollywood!)

My fave for the night. Dancing begins at 2:02. Watch it before Fox shuts it down (they're funny about copyright infringement... forgetting that YouTube helps them gain viewers). PS, this is dress code for my birthday party next Saturday...dress accordingly.