Oh, They're Real.

Since I haven't changed a diaper since the 7th grade (8 years of nieces and my record holds strong) I found it necessary to look up brand names for diapers when conducting the very important business of insulting someone's youth (27 years old= babies!). Google blessed me with a hit on these Jean Diapers from Huggies.

On one hand, I get that we all used to have non-disposable diapers. Why not be creative with the fabric? On the other... baby jorts? Rednecky? Possibly. Non-absorbent? Definitely.

Truthfully, I can't tell from the description whether or not they're actually fabric, though they keep calling them denim:

Jeans have always been a Mommy fashion must-have, but now it's time for their little ones to steal the style. HUGGIES® gets fashion forward with new denim diaper design to help your baby stay trendy while keeping dry.

Very fashionable - for a limited time!
Denim has always been a summer style staple, and the HUGGIES® Jeans Diapers are no exception: this is a short-term offering to help little ones steal Mom's summer style. However, HUGGIES® Little Movers are on shelves before, during and after the Jeans products are available.

• A unique, fun and stylish way to make your little one the coolest and cutest around.
• Same proven leakage protection Moms have come to know and trust from HUGGIES® Little Movers Diapers.
• Shaped to move, featuring the same revolutionary design and technology as HUGGIES® Little Movers Diapers, allowing little ones to move, crawl and scoot.
  

Can you tell if they're actually denim? Do you question the diaper rash situation in non-breathable denim, coated with baby crap?

Yikes... Know When to Give Up

According to the Daily Mail, this woman, Jenny Brown, is trying to have a baby through invitro fertilization. She's 72. So when her kid is heading off to college, she'll be NINETY YEARS OLD.

Guess she's trying to give Madonna a run for her money as scariest bat-winged dusty mummy monster mother. ZING!

The Peccadilloes of Aging Parents, or OMG, We're Early Birds.

May is birthday month for Birv, with no less than 9 people I consider close friends/family aging just a little more. Who knows why people are so intent on gettin' busy in September, but more power to 'em!


Two of said birthdays are my parents; mom's was on the 1st and dad's on the 4th. One would think this would make birthday celebrations filled with one-stop-shop ease. This is not, however, the case.


Mom's martyr-meter was on high ("The only present we want is to see all our kids together!"), so after two weeks of struggling to get three adult children and their various families to all agree on one day, dinner plans at a favorite family establishment were made. AT 4:00 PM IN THE AFTERNOON.

Do people outside of Florida dine this early? Is there some sort of genetic timebomb that goes off once you hit 55 that alters our instincts to eat while it's still light out? All I know is that I have to figure out how I'm going to choke down prime rib and discussions regarding my (rapidly waning) fertility before the sun goes down without the assistance of alcohol.

My current (though admittedly petty) plan is to establish an early, smug sense of superiority over any former high-school classmates that may be manning the valet station. Here's hoping they're still there, for my sake.


I will also be hoping for the assistance of the Shadow Hare and his League of Superfriends, which HAS to include a Chicago-land branch.

BFF lives in Cinci... she should be able to get me the hookup.



UPDATE: According to the World Superhero Registry, while there is a boon of superhero activity in Jackson, Michigan, Chicago is BEREFT of superheroes. This explains a lot, actually. It also has just opened the door on my next career move: The Hazel Hedgehog shall rise!!!!

Monsoon

Ahhh the weekend, so many things to talk about. Shall I discuss the monsoon that we had? All I have to say is that I'm pleased I live on the 3rd floor- I never have to worry about flooding.

Sadly, big brother does... and he had a 36 hour Shopvac marathon to address the flooding in his basement. All your work will not go to waste, big brother, I am planning on entering your feat into the Guinness Book of World Records. You can live knowing that you have made your mark on the world.

The upside of the flooding is that I got to take sis-in-law and BD to the airport, not only exhibiting my extensive knowledge of the back roads around O'Hare (all that smuggling is paying off (and not just with the large sums of cash I receive), I also got to drive their Acura... a far cry from the Vomit Comet (my 97 Elantra, I love you baby, never stop working). Turns out some cars brake really easily, so I looked like a 16 year old driving dad's car.

I could also discuss the musical I saw with pseudograndma, who, at 83 years old can't hear a thing, even though we sit in the fourth row. She gets a nap, I catch a good show. I saw Caroline, or Change, by Tony Kushner. Beautiful piece of work, although it is somewhat self-indulgent and about half an hour too long. I can sit still for DAYS, so it's not a good sign when I begin to fidget.

Perhaps the best thing I can do today is give some advice. Never, dear readers, suggest to your mother that it may be a good idea for her to see a therapist... no matter how good your intentions.

However, doing so does help end a phone call fairly quickly.