Do People Have Issues Opening Car Doors? (Besides Me?)

I have no idea the practical use of this, or why you would spend FORTY DOLLARS on it.

Random Story From Tuesday: In coming back from the Bros N Ho dinner (in which Birv goes to dinner with her two brothers), I paralell parked my car relatively near a young, short tree.

Since I had stopped by the grocery store on the way back, I had some items I needed to get from my passenger side. The tree's reach is longer than I thought, and I pretty much have to wrestle my way through low-hanging branches to get to the passenger door. Basically standing in the middle of this stupid tree, I open the car door, and move my head back. The tree, that I know is right there because I am standing in it, still somehow manages to startle me as I'm opening the door, and I jump and rapidly jerk my head forward... INTO THE CAR DOOR I'M OPENING.

With the amount of damage I do to myself on a daily basis, I thankfully no longer bruise easily, so there's no mark on my face, but I am slightly worried that my left side of my face still hurts.

An Ad Campaign Big Bro Can Really Get Behind

So I have been seeing these ads on buses around town lately, and every time I see one, I think- Did I just see what I thought I saw?

Well, I did... these are created and sponsored by the Indiana Atheist Bus Campaign. These positive Atheism messages started in South Bend May 11th, and have since spread the heathen word to Chicago. Next, THE WORLD!!!!

Actually, I guess the world came first, and the god-fearing US is the last to hop on the...well, the bus.

From the website:

This campaign was created to continue the momentum started by similar successful campaigns in Canada and the United Kingdom. Around Indiana and the rest of the United States, religious advertisements on buses and billboards are very common. Some are as simple as ‘Jesus is Coming,’ while others feature long bible quotes. The discussion fostered in Canada and the UK should be something that is brought to the United States as well, and Indiana is as good of a place as any to start. We want to let everyone know that it’s all right not to believe in a deity, that you do not need to be ’saved,’ and that you can be a good person without religion. We hope that everyone will look at the facts and evidence before making life decisions, including religion.

Considering I have been bombarded by "Jesus is King" and "You're going to hell if you kill your baby" billboards (and barnsides) on the way to BFF's house, I think Indiana is a prime location to start this grass-roots campaign.

I am FASCINATED by this project, particularly with the peaceful, intelligent way it intends to spread the message. Go Team Logic!

Visit the website here.

I've Found a New Sport.

I need to figure out how to get to Norway by 2011, STAT. The last World Beard and Moustache Championship just finished over the Memorial Day weekend, and the next one isn't for 720 DAYS. The countdown begins now.

There are three main categories, Moustaches, Partial Beards and Full Beards... and there are sub categories in each (Partial Beard competition categories include the FuManchu and Alaskan Whaler). A lot of thought is put into each category:

"Discerning fans will notice that the categories are heavily weighted toward upper-lip hair, with fully eight of the categories featuring various forms of moustaches, although two of these categories (FuManchu and Musketeer) are included within the "partial beards" subdivision."

Any championship in which someone has a better beard than the guy above has to be an amazing spectator event. I dream of bringing bubblegum and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches to these guys.

Visit the official website here.

Special thanks to PopWatch for brightening my first day back from vacation with this little gem, and for asking the most pertinent question: why isn't this on ESPN2?

Yes, Please! Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus

This direct to video film may be just the vehicle to boost Debbie Gibson's star right back into the limelight! Maybe not Electric Youth limelight, but at least fading star Playboy limelight.

A Mega Shark! That destroys airplanes and the Golden Gate Bridge (that thing is under serious movie-fire lately, wtf?)! A Giant Octopus! That takes out an oil rig! oooohhh.... I see what's going on here. This is going to end up with an environmental message, isn't it.

Lorenzo Lamas, you're poisoning the sea with your hair oil, and the thawed, prehistoric beasties aren't going to take it anymore!

Pre-Order your copy today!

Inevitability Just Smacked You In the Face.

It's a parody, y'all!!! But let's be honest... they are starting to run out of beloved memories for the 25-32 target demographic, especially boy toys.

The Smurfs are getting a movie, I'm hoping it's only a matter of time before Rainbow Brite sees some action. (Just think of the gay following you could have!!)

This was sort of entertaining... though frankly, it could have been funnier. Still worth a watch, if you played with My Little Ponies.

The Peccadilloes of Aging Parents, or OMG, We're Early Birds.

May is birthday month for Birv, with no less than 9 people I consider close friends/family aging just a little more. Who knows why people are so intent on gettin' busy in September, but more power to 'em!


Two of said birthdays are my parents; mom's was on the 1st and dad's on the 4th. One would think this would make birthday celebrations filled with one-stop-shop ease. This is not, however, the case.


Mom's martyr-meter was on high ("The only present we want is to see all our kids together!"), so after two weeks of struggling to get three adult children and their various families to all agree on one day, dinner plans at a favorite family establishment were made. AT 4:00 PM IN THE AFTERNOON.

Do people outside of Florida dine this early? Is there some sort of genetic timebomb that goes off once you hit 55 that alters our instincts to eat while it's still light out? All I know is that I have to figure out how I'm going to choke down prime rib and discussions regarding my (rapidly waning) fertility before the sun goes down without the assistance of alcohol.

My current (though admittedly petty) plan is to establish an early, smug sense of superiority over any former high-school classmates that may be manning the valet station. Here's hoping they're still there, for my sake.


I will also be hoping for the assistance of the Shadow Hare and his League of Superfriends, which HAS to include a Chicago-land branch.

BFF lives in Cinci... she should be able to get me the hookup.



UPDATE: According to the World Superhero Registry, while there is a boon of superhero activity in Jackson, Michigan, Chicago is BEREFT of superheroes. This explains a lot, actually. It also has just opened the door on my next career move: The Hazel Hedgehog shall rise!!!!