This Is How You Should Know the Obama "Single Moms" Grant Isn't Real

I'm just spitballing here... but I would think you'd want to show enterprising young moms with kids in the park, having a debtfree picnic on a sunny day, not baby's first exposure to crack rocks.

Why I Never Liked Dolls. (Those creepy eyes!)

Meet Bebe Gloton, the Spanish sensation that's sweeping the nation, according to the Daily Mail.

Anyone else totally have the creepers from this video? Even the little girl doesn't seem to be having much fun. The little apron with the petal nipples? *shudder* Again, I know it's natural, blah blah blah. But this is one toy I wouldn't want my kid pulling out at the Steak & Shake, you know?

ZOMG Could There Really Be a Renesmee On the Way?

According to Australia's New Weekly (because Australia has its thumb on the pulse of pop culture), Kristen Stewart got knocked up by Robert Pattinson.

An "insider" quoted by Australia's New Weekly says, "When [Stewart] worked out she was late, she obviously started to thinking that she could be pregnant. And because of the timing, she thinks Rob could be the father."
The gossip mag also reports she had a friend buy a home pregnancy test for her, and that she is "very nervous about the whole situation."

While there's a part of me that hopes they're getting it on like rabbits in a Sybaris... Australia is breaking this story? Really?

I love how they state that she thinks Rob could be the father... like she's the biggest slut to hit the streets since Jenna Jameson.

Now if you'll all excuse me, I'm late for my meeting with the Pope. He's marrying Bradley Cooper and I this weekend, after which Braddles and I will fly away on the wings of a pegasus to dine on raindrops and cotton candy at the top of a rainbow. Lots to plan! Kisses!


Via New York Daily News.

Reality TV Is Taking a Disturbing Turn.

It all started with the seemingly required proposal on The Bachelor. At least those girls got a chance to say no. This summer season of reality tv shows has me asking what the deal is with the onslaught of disturbing "throw-away marriage" reality shows? We have Hitched or Ditched on The CW, where long-term couples in a rut wait until they are on the altar to either get... you know... hitched or (wait for it) ditched.

I have also recently found an application page for a new show called Arranged Marriage, where, according to the website, "four people will ask their closest loved ones - whether family or friends - to team up and choose a spouse for them." I can't tell if this is the same show as the one that Variety reports Fox picking up I Married a Stranger! (leave it to Fox to get the most inflammatory name possible). I've been on a few blind dates set up by friends and family before, every single time, I have called the offending matchmaker of the moment with the question, "Really? Is this what you think of me?" Then I end up at home with a dozen donuts and a Jane Austen movie.

Is it so wrong to be a certain age and NOT be married? What is the requirement in this world to be legally bound to someone, damn the emotional cost? Why are we so attention-hungry to air our lonely dirty laundry in front of the world?

Also on the subject of Tacky Americans, looking for a header picture led me to some of the most misogynistic cake toppers I've ever seen. Really, ladies? Are you proud of yourselves? Here are my favorites:

The Roper. Yeehaw, cowboy. Or are you an old timey funeral director?

The Clothesliner. How DARE you run away?

The Dragger. I especially like the fingernail scratch detail in this one.

Reelin' him in. This also looks vaguely sexually inappropriate.

The classic... Shotgun Wedding! Where's that girl's pappy?? Also, Miscaketops has "The Dragger" in a variety of costumes, from fishing gear to military fatigues. Classy...

The Humper. Did I call that other one sexually inappropriate? All that's missing here is the bathroom stall.

A slightly more aggressive "Dragger"... those wily grooms can wriggle out of clothes. Get him by a body part, and there's no chance of running. Perhaps she's taking him to be hobbled?

The Johnny Come Lately. The decorator gave that bride attitude. Fo' shizzle.

Upperclass America Takes It's Love of Fleece Too Far.

Fleece... the first choice in outerwear by upper-class white people. Behold the Peekaru, the fleece to keep baby warm on those long treks to your BMW X5.

Because what do upper-class people like to do more than anything else? Flaunt their spawn and ability to find love with their homogenous-looking spouses in front of the general population, getting as close as possible to carrying a banner that says "WE FUCK!!", without actually having the banner. Because apparently that would be tackier than the "Smitten", mittens for lovers.

I know it's difficult, choosing between your love of fleece and love for your spouse... but now you don't have to. You can shamelessly flaunt both with sweaty palm hand-holding in the tandem mitten: "My nose itches!" "Awwww I'll scratch it for you, poopsie!!" *HORF*

Where can one pick up the Smitten? Restoration Hardware, where apparently it was so popular that they are currently sold out.

Thanks to Sis in Law for the Peekaru tip, and I'll do you one better:

Photoshops courtesy of Emptees, via Geekologie. Natch.

Mmmmm... Pie...

I won't give a full review of last night's Pushing Daisies today, seeing as how BFF hasn't watched it yet, and I don't want to give anything away. Plus, she's probably the only one of my readers that actually watches the show. Philistines. (Just kidding!!! But it is a REALLY good show and you're totally missing out.) Suffice it to say, "Comfort Food" was probably one of my favorite episodes to date. Muffin Buffalo cameoed from Wonderfalls! Deep fried Colonel Likkin! Naughty jokes concerning finger likkin donut holes!

I am delighted about the "food = love" concept of Pushing Daisies. Food is often a substitute for sex between Chuck and Ned, but the theme of unrequited love and the need for, well, comfort food was back and stronger than ever in this episode as Olive and Ned compete for the Best In Belly prize at the Comfort Food Competition. This show has layers, people, like the delicate flaky crust of the PieMaker's speciality.

Anyway, enough gabbing about PD. On to mocking celebrities!!! It seems Pete from Fall Out Boy was destined to be a theme this week... first I give him a shout out regarding his name cameo on One Tree Hill (though JAX did point out that he did have a few appearances on the show), and now he's in the news dishing about the fact that his lady love Ashlee Simpson is a vapid whore that he'd have left in his tiny-man dust cloud if he hadn't knocked her up.


Details reports:

"And then there's the ultimate brand extension, the one guaranteed to propel Wentz into a whole new sphere of exposure: Bronx Mowgli Wentz, the son he and his wife, Ashlee Simpson, welcomed into the world on November 20. When Wentz found out Simpson was pregnant, he was in Chile with Fall Out Boy, preparing to play a show in nearby Antarctica. "I was like, 'Oh my God, this might be the worst possible time to have this conversation,'" he says. Perhaps to make sure the news had sunk in, Simpson promptly e-mailed a snapshot of the pregnancy test. (Us Weekly, eat your heart out). "I was definitely scared," Wentz says, "just thinking, This is something that's going to exist for the rest of your life and you can't f*%k it up."
Wentz allows that the pregnancy was unplanned. 'It was a happy accident,' he says. 'But I think that certain things happen for a reason in your life, and maybe it was time to put the wild child in a cage.'"

Then just yesterday, while riding downstairs in my elevator at work, I saw a quote from him regarding being on the red carpet with NoseJob McGee:

"It's like I'm like her purse."

Wow- that's love. Soul mates, indeed. Of course, he is a Wilmette-bred New Trier boy... this sort of resigned WASP acceptance of a loveless marriage "for the kids" fits his upbringing to a T.