Birv Out, Bitches!! SEXUAL CHOCOLATE!!

Oh... we've all wanted to do it. I think that's why this JetBlue Flight Attendant is getting so much press. What's better than someone giving a profanity-laden speech, taking two beers and ripping open the emergency slide, running ACROSS THE TARMAC to your car, and then driving home and jumping in bed with your boyfriend?

You, sir, are a hero. I've worked in retail, and I can remember every face of every stuck-up stay at home mom that cursed me out because I couldn't ship her drawer pulls to her for free... per company policy. Bitter? Me? Nope.

We've all fantasized about quitting in some sort of over-the-top fashion... cursing out your boss, yelling back at the incredibly self-centered customers, going on a forklift rampage at Menards (courtesy of my Assistant Director- creative, isn't he?)... what's your blaze-of-glory quitting fantasy?

Before we go- let's all take a minute to enjoy the true artistry of the man through this reenactment from NextMedia Animation, shall we? It may be in Chinese, but I think we can all get the basic story. My favorite part (there are so many to choose from!) has to be the lady cursing him out AFTER he got hit on the head by her luggage. Just cracks me up!!

The Secret Life of Stormtroopers.

This guy Stefan, who I think is in France, at least, there's a lot of french in the background, (who should become my French sci-fi watching bestie) is following his Stormtroopers around for a year.

Some of my favorites are below (I really love them all)- take a look at the whole series here.

Are You Sure You Want to Invite This Guy Over For Drinks?

Gliese 581D is a planet about 20 light years away in the Libra constellation (groovy, baby!), and is a planet that scientists postulate could possibly support life. Whether it's punch through your stomach and eat your brains life or ET phone home life, well, they just aren't sure.

So why not invite the general population to write messages to whatever may be living on Gliese 581D? HelloFromEarth.net is a site that does just that, switching messages from the public into binary code and will beam them to outerspace, at which time we will shortly become a slave race.

The messages range from the clinically depressed to the totally stoned to the pretty awesome, some of my favorites are below:

When you come here make sure you get a copy of all Britney Spears albums, you're going to love them.
Victor Julio Galicia
Barquisimeto, Venezuela

You are cordially invited to an Interplanetary BBQ. 6.00pm, 4th October, 2452 at my place BYO Meat and Beer. RSVP: Year 2100 Cheers
Daniel Edmonds
Melbourne, Australia

Greetings from the Caribbean! It's warm and great here. Visit and we'll show you a great time, drinks and spicy food! Please bring own towel & sunblock though.
Anthony De Castro
St Joseph, Trinidad and To

Dear aliens, Please disregard those transmissions featuring Hitler. They're from a few years back and nobody really liked him anyway.
Alex
Chicago, United States

Hi-dilly, ho-dilly, neighboreenos!
Ned Flanders
Perth, Australia

Hi hi, my housemate has given up on all males on our planet. If you have half a brain and something to prod her with, she'll be pleased to meet you. Toodles,
D.Darren
Melbourne, Australia

Hello Aliens. Do you have genetalia? I hope so.
Erica
Melbourne, Australia

Hi We kill each other, destroy our own environment and value material objects more than each other. Yours, hoping for a better future,
Claire
Dulwich Hill, Australia

We need help, we are being destroyed by leaders whos only concern is lining their own pockets, assuming you can read english. Greetings
Adam Pronaszko
Borehamwood, Australia

We are destroying our planet, and are too selfish to stop. We need your help. Please come quickly.
Ted Catchpole
Canberra, Australia

Heads up: on our planet, it is considered rude to introduce yourself to new neighbours without offering delicious cake or a hamper of edible goods.
Tegan Lyons
Sydney, Australia

Hello from Earth, please visit. We have cookies.
Chris Hully
Ottawa, Canada

'ssup bros? I'm a libra too. Respect.

MattHobart, Australia

You don't understand any Earth language let alone English so it doesn't matter what I write.
Scoby Watson
Sydney, Australia

Our planet's idea of Miss Universe is thin, dumb blondes. Perhaps you can diversify the pool.
Dorothy
sydney, Australia

Hello there my children, It has been long since my father created you in his image and I died for your sins here on earth. I look forwards to reconnecting.
Jesus Christ
Behind the pearly gates, Australia

If your planet really exists, has the Creator revealed Himself to you? He has to us here on Earth. His Name is Jesus Christ.Trevor HoltBalgownie, Australia

Hello. You may be nearer the angels and God. Please ask them to heal my son Peter and to make his life happy. Kim CupplesKim CupplesYuba City, United States

Zombie Yourself!

You know I love fun times on the interwebs. Kill time by making yourself into a zombie at Ugo.com. You can also SuperHero Yourself using their incredibly detailed HeroMachine.

I Am, Indeed, Workin' My Merkin

Someone bought a Merkin Mug! Who was it?? Because I love you the most now... and if you aren't in some way related to me, you may be getting a little tongue action- a whole $1.20 worth, because that's how much I earned. Whee!

Visit my store here.

I have lots to post, but shockingly, I've been busy! When did I become so popular? I wonder if I could turn my apartment into a hermitage. I'd have to get my internet to work there first, though.

Y'arrr, There Be a Newly Minted Tharrrrty Year Old!

BFF's birthday extravaganza was a goddamn delight of a time. Laser tag is my new favorite pastime. I am considering buying a set for myself, though I'd probably have to slap the other set on Daisy to avoid annoying all my close friends, who would inevitably grow weary of my constant requests for games and Pirish jabber. But the Doodle's pretty sly, despite the lack of opposable thumbs. I imagine she'd make a good opponent.

Shockingly, I didn't get a good picture of the Stormtrooper shirt, a devastating oversight that will shortly be remedied. The shirt, however, garnered rave reviews and copious boob comments, most made by BFF in a clever attempt to draw attention to the girls by Cincinnati Imaginary Boyfriend. Well played, BFF. Your scheming loyalty is delicious.

Should you ever venture to Cincinnati, please pay a visit to The Pirate’s Den, officially the best bar ever, particularly in which to play a Scavenger Hunt. Tiger head on the wall? Check. Pregnant lady swilling High Life? Check. BRIDAL PARTY? Double check. Man… I could have shut this place DOWN… particularly because buying a round of four drinks cost roughly $8.

Like any vacationer worth her salt, I give you a moderated slide show, including a Fonzipan First... a picture of me! Enjoy it while it lasts.

The Pirate's Den. To visit is to love it. Cupake Armada! I'll have you know BFF and I made each flag by hand. 48 of them. Suck on that, Martha Stewart!

Birv and BFF... together at last for a birthday! This is the first time we've ever been able to spend birthdays together. As it should be, the event was celebrated with crafting and glitter. Please note the eyepatches.

OH HELL TO THE NO.

V is back. This tv show scared the CRAP out of me when I was a little kid. Wanna know why I'm terrified of masks? THIS SHOW!! People ripping their faces off to show reptile heads underneath? Who WOULDN'T be traumatized by this?

Now I'm obligated to watch, Alan Tudyk and Morena Baccarin from Firefly are in it, as well as Elizabeth Mitchell from Lost. AND IT LOOKS LIKE ALAN TUDYK'S FACE GETS RIPPED OFF. When this airs, and you can't find me for a few days, look in the back of one of my closets. I'll be there, huddled in fear. And probably smelly. And definitely demanding that you show me you can't rip your face off.

Yes, Please! Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus

This direct to video film may be just the vehicle to boost Debbie Gibson's star right back into the limelight! Maybe not Electric Youth limelight, but at least fading star Playboy limelight.

A Mega Shark! That destroys airplanes and the Golden Gate Bridge (that thing is under serious movie-fire lately, wtf?)! A Giant Octopus! That takes out an oil rig! oooohhh.... I see what's going on here. This is going to end up with an environmental message, isn't it.

Lorenzo Lamas, you're poisoning the sea with your hair oil, and the thawed, prehistoric beasties aren't going to take it anymore!

Pre-Order your copy today!

Waste Your Time With Star Wars

Truthfully, I already waste a great deal of my time with Star Wars... the last thing I needed was more things to play with.

Starwars.com has a game page filled with all sorts of sharpshooting, memory and Zelda-like games. PEW PEW ON THE CLONES!

If you play at work, I won't tell. Just as long as you don't tell where you found it. If you do, then I am totally throwing you under the bus... PEW PEW ON YOU!

Link to my favorite game, Sharpshooter.