More Questionable Hair Removal Commercials

Oh Gillette. What's your deal? Of course, I sit here writing about it, so I suppose that means you're marketing is totally effective. Sigh. The sacrifices I make as a blogger. At least we have some equality in this ad! It's about time that manscaping was addressed on a wide scale. IT'S APPRECIATED, FELLAS.

Clearly, I took a little bloggy vacation this week (no Dancing Thursdays! gasp!), but I'll make up for it a little today. Lots to post!!!

I've Found a New Sport.

I need to figure out how to get to Norway by 2011, STAT. The last World Beard and Moustache Championship just finished over the Memorial Day weekend, and the next one isn't for 720 DAYS. The countdown begins now.

There are three main categories, Moustaches, Partial Beards and Full Beards... and there are sub categories in each (Partial Beard competition categories include the FuManchu and Alaskan Whaler). A lot of thought is put into each category:

"Discerning fans will notice that the categories are heavily weighted toward upper-lip hair, with fully eight of the categories featuring various forms of moustaches, although two of these categories (FuManchu and Musketeer) are included within the "partial beards" subdivision."

Any championship in which someone has a better beard than the guy above has to be an amazing spectator event. I dream of bringing bubblegum and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches to these guys.

Visit the official website here.

Special thanks to PopWatch for brightening my first day back from vacation with this little gem, and for asking the most pertinent question: why isn't this on ESPN2?

GloomBuster!!!

For some reason, I absolutely adore when little kids are involved in a group dance like this... it just brightens my day up.

My question, why can't America's Got Talent be as much fun as Britain's Got Talent? Perhaps the super-talented are all that manage to filter through to the States, so we miss the inevitable yokels that seem to flood the American stage; these titans of entertainment that desperately want to show the world they can break pencils with their ass and do "Dueling Banjos" by twitching their man-boobs.

At any rate, enjoy Dancing Thursday, and look for what leaves a little sunshine in your day!

Why Not?

These aren't photoshopped. I can't decide if I would rather they were, or to know that the stylist spent FOUR HOURS of his life on each horse.

According to the Daily Mail, it's all advertising photographer Julian Wolkenstein's fault:

Julian hit on the idea of experimenting with horses' hair during a chat with a fellow advertising pal.
'The idea for these images came from a discussion with a friend who said, 'Hey wouldn't it be fun to shoot horses with big hair?',' says Sydney-born Julian, 36.
'It is important to do personal projects just for fun, not to sell anything, but just to remind you why you make images, but mostly, and simply, to make you smile.'

I'm hoping there's more than three... humor comes in numbers here.

mmm...Creamy: When Frat Rats Work Food Service.

Free Gallon of (Salad) Dressing (Lincoln Park)

Reply to: mailto:sale-mqwqb-1111553909@craigslist.org?subject=Free%20Gallon%20of%20(Salad)%20Dressing%20(Lincoln%20Park) [Errors when replying to ads?]Date: 2009-04-07, 1:53PM CDT

(1) Unopened Classic Sysco brand Liberty Creamy Caesar dressing.

This is a one gallon jar that was mis-ordered at my work. I brought it home by my roomates told me that we already have enough Creamy Dressing in our fridges.

I would hate to see all this Creamy Dressing go to waste- Think of all the salads you could toss with it!

Perhaps we could arrange a Creamy Dressing exchange.

Failing that, I am willing to unload all of this Creamy Dressing for free.

Seriously, come get this Creamy Dressing off my hands.

E-mail only please. First come first serve basis.
Location: Lincoln Park
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: 1111553909

I especially like the demonstrative photo that the jar is, in fact UNOPENED.

Joaquin Phoenix: PCP and Being Heckled Just Don't Mix.

Feeling the sting of irrelevance since he hasn't been in the news for a few weeks, Joaquin Phoenix starting bringing crazy back at a show at the Fontainebleu Miami Beach Hotel last night, when he jumped in the crowd and confronted a dude he thought was/paid for heckling him, according to the Daily Mail:

"Several of those in the audience said they came just to see Phoenix, who kept them waiting for almost four hours.
A scruffy Phoenix finally came out on stage before 2am, smoking a cigarette and wearing a dishevelled dark suit, sneakers and taped-up sunglasses.Then he responded to someone who appeared to be heckling him in the audience near the stage.
'We have a (double-expletive) in the audience,' he said before jumping into the crowd.
It was not immediately clear whether the two men exchanged any blows.
'I saw the guy screaming at Joaquin, and Joaquin just came down,' said Jorge Lledo, 30, of Miami Beach.
He began rapping to a beat played by the DJ and nodding to the music, although most of the lyrics were unintelligible."

Who in the world came just to see Joaquin Phoenix? WHY WOULD YOU WAIT FOUR HOURS?? If you did, shame on you for being disappointed. Your idol is acting more and more like Dewey Cox every day... and if you are surprised and/or disillusioned by Grungy McShavesnomore up there, that's your own fault.

UPDATE: We have video, folks. Well, I think you do... after about :40 the footage appears to turn into a montage of some guy's front pocket.

Forget Kevlar. Get a Weave!

While I am beyond impressed at her cavalier attitude towards GETTING SHOT IN THE HEAD, I think my favorite part of this newscast is the segment caption behind the reporter... "unbeWEAVEable!"

Andy Kaufman You Are Not!

As Amy Winehouse is still off shooting up in a hotel room in St. Lucia and Britney Spears' dad is still crushing up her lithium and baking it into her food, Joaquin Phoenix remains insane for our entertainment purposes, and is promoting his new, "final" film, Two Lovers, co-starring Gwyneth Paltrow.

Phoenix appeared on The Tonight Show last night, and David Letterman seems clearly befuddled by Phoenix's homage to a weird mix of Bill Murray, Andy Kaufman and the guy who begs for change at the Irving Park exit of 90/94. I still don't get why people are laughing, but I suppose it's better than 10 minutes of a stony-faced audience. It's the same reason people laugh at funerals, I guess. I'm almost beginning to wonder if some of this absurdity stems from Phoenix just not wanting to promote this film...or wanting to, if you think that crazy press is good press. Just remember, JP, faking your own death is a crime, so think about that before you decide to end your "rapumentary" by overdosing on a mix of heroin and Thorazine.

Skip to about 8:29 to see Joaquin Phoenix start swearing at Paul Shaffer. Let this be a lesson: I would think twice about laughing at him... he may set the birds that live in his beard on you.

Vampire Cuts Hair, Narnia Entrance Destroyed

Since I'm angry, I deserve to post about cute boys cutting their hair. If that can't make me happy, then thousands of calories will. Why, WHY can't I drink at work??

Anyway... Twilight's Robert Pattinson, always someone you can count on for crazy lettuce/sex hair, made millions of tween girls and fanilows weep as he jumped on the buzzcut bandwagon this weekend. Hmmm... still looks a bit like a sexy hobo. Thousands of unicorns, fauns and fairies were killed upon the deforestation of their natural habitat.